The patents of my DD’s boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, men too can remember bad impressions or keep grudges.

Sure, but then are they really men?

[Anonymous]

The opposite happened to me. Boyfriend parents never warmed up to me (I wasn’t the right religion) and was definitely a factor in our breakup. Better love bombing than icing….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are love bombing her!

Really, it is her first serious relations (though she is in her twenties). I want her to take it slow, and focus on her future career, but I feel like they are really laying it on thick. It makes me think they want to lock her down, because their son is unlikely to do better.

How are you distinguishing “love bombing” from them actually really loving her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are love bombing her!

Really, it is her first serious relations (though she is in her twenties). I want her to take it slow, and focus on her future career, but I feel like they are really laying it on thick. It makes me think they want to lock her down, because their son is unlikely to do better.

You are making many assumptions here, one your DD being able to do better than him and other about his parents thinking their son can't do better than her.

As you think they are trying too hard to lock her in, probably you are trying equally hard to keep her unlocked. I don't envy that couple.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people posting don't have experience with highly manipulative and controlling people who have charm. The red flags are that they want OPs daughter for all holidays/vacations, etc. My friends and I have been through this back in the dating world and when you are young it seems amazing at first. Until you make a misstep or need to set a boundary. Over time the mask comes off.

Relationships develop gradually. Totally fine after a year for them to tell her they like her a lot, invite her for some holidays, but respect if she can't come and even invite on a vacation. It's the degree of what they are doing. They may not show any of the other side yet, believe me it comes.

[Anonymous]

I “love bomb” (not sure exactly what the term means, but I am interpreting as “shower with affection and attention”) my son’s girlfriend, bc she is a wonderful person and treats him very well, and I appreciate anyone who loves and values my kids. I “love bomb” his longtime best friend, also, for the same reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of people posting don't have experience with highly manipulative and controlling people who have charm. The red flags are that they want OPs daughter for all holidays/vacations, etc. My friends and I have been through this back in the dating world and when you are young it seems amazing at first. Until you make a misstep or need to set a boundary. Over time the mask comes off.

Relationships develop gradually. Totally fine after a year for them to tell her they like her a lot, invite her for some holidays, but respect if she can't come and even invite on a vacation. It's the degree of what they are doing. They may not show any of the other side yet, believe me it comes.

Its up to the couple to maintain healthy boundaries with both set of the families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I “love bomb” (not sure exactly what the term means, but I am interpreting as “shower with affection and attention”) my son’s girlfriend, bc she is a wonderful person and treats him very well, and I appreciate anyone who loves and values my kids. I “love bomb” his longtime best friend, also, for the same reasons.

This^. OP sees it as love bombing because she doesn't like this guy, if she did, she would be happy for her DD and would be as welcoming to him. Most parents just want their kids to be happy and try to build a good relationship with their partners. Not everybody has some agenda.

[Anonymous]

If she does beocme their DIL, they are probably tryung to make sure she felt welcomed from the start. Given all the posts about evil MILs, maybe they are just want her to feel welcome and wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP is not talking about being a kind and welcoming parent, she is talking about a potential MIL who offers monetary gifts like vacations bait. Not a visit our beach house for the weekend, but a European vacation. I asked the OP if her DD declined an invitation, how does the parent react? Would they keep pushing, do they get their DS to reinforce? What comes off as nice, has an undercurrent of control.

Where are the posters who have MIL’s who lay great guilt on their son and DIL’s time even though the DIL has a family of their own? It started at some point and you let it slide.

This is crazy! Why so suspect? We travel and of course I’m going to invite the significant others because I want MY kids to come. If you think there’s some grand design, you have issues. I’m not going to lay guilt, but I have the money so I can afford to take SOs.

[Anonymous]

Pro tip: it’s never manipulative to ask for something once. Person can say no because they are an adult. You don’t have to feel guilty for saying no, so don’t make up nonsense stories like they are “love bombing.” If they ask repeatedly or create drama that’s different, but me asking if people would like to come for a holiday is not manipulation. I’m sure you’d complain if I didn’t!

[Anonymous]

OP, did you post this because the other family appears happy and is intact and yours isn’t?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you saying they are narcissists and this will turn into torture?
Or are they just being super nice to her?
If the latter, would you them rather be nasty to her?

I would prefer that they wait until she is actually engaged to their son before they start treating her like his fiancée.

You sound controlling.