How did you decide between your DC's top choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned distance - yes, there was one school that had to be ruled out due to distance. While it looked beautiful, it was in a location that made it rather difficult to access in an emergency and/or for school breaks.

Unless you mean emergency personnel can’t access the campus, this is a crazy reason to rule out a school.

DP here. I'm impressed by it. Why not congratulate people instead of chastising them? What a Grinch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned distance - yes, there was one school that had to be ruled out due to distance. While it looked beautiful, it was in a location that made it rather difficult to access in an emergency and/or for school breaks.

Unless you mean emergency personnel can’t access the campus, this is a crazy reason to rule out a school.

No it is not. DP here but what if your kid has mental health issues and tries to hurt themself? Would you not want to get there ASAP rather than have to take a 10 hour flight, etc? come on, be reasonable, not everyone's life is perfect.

What if your DD got sexually assaulted? Would you like to leave it to the "emergency personnel" only?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When DS applied to schools, we told him not to apply anywhere that he can't be happy. He wants a larger school, preferably a strong state flagship, so it was pretty easy to take a tiered approach where he is extremely likely to get into 3 or four schools.
The only mistake we made was encouraging him to apply to a private without fully considering the cost- which is outrageous (and considering how much college costs these days, that's saying something). We told him if that comes through it's a "no"- we're not permitting student loan debt, we plan to retire before we work ourselves to death, and his 529 won't cover all four years. Fortunately, he's a reasonable kid with only a small drop of entitlement, so he complained and moved on.

Why would you let your DC apply and tell them “if that comes through it is a no”? What a waste of time and resources. NPC is very accurate, so no reason to be surprised by the cost of attendance.

pp here- as mentioned, it was an error on our part. We hadn't fully considered all of the costs - if he gets a lot of merit, it's back on the table-- but as it stands, no. Also, note my first sentence- he should apply only to colleges where he can be happy. Assuming he did that, and I believe he did since he's thrilled with the acceptances he's had so far, he's not going to perish from disappointment if we have to take the 6 figure a year college off the list. He's not a spoiled toddler- he's a sensible eighteen year old young man.

Also, I don't understand how parents seem to feel they have no voice if they're footing most of the bill? I see this as a collaborative decision-- quality, fit, and resources.

This. Unless kid has direct access to hundreds of thousands of dollars, parents (or whomever is paying) technically have the final say. Not to say you wouldn’t work with kid to find good fit, programs etc … but most families have at least some parameters.

My guess is a lot of these kids have never been told no. The poster that wouldn’t “dare tell kid where to go to college”. Um, you’re the parent. You get to make gigantic financial decisions for your 17 year old if you want.

Agree in part: the parent should make any financial restrictions known before applications are sent. It is irresponsible of the parent to say oh we cannot afford that or this after they get in. There are excellent NPC's and financial planning tools that allow one to figure that out in advance, then the kid will be able to choose for fit

pp here who's DS applied to the private school- first, it's not his dream school and it's not Harvard. Second, yes, we should have given it more thought- he was sending out a lot of applications and it slipped through as something we didn't review closely enough. We apologized for that mistake, then, like adults, we moved on to what is feasible. Geez, we all want our kids to be happy, but some of the sulkiest teens are the ones who never have to consider resources, are never told "no," and are shielded from every disappointment including the errors and imperfections of other humans, like they live in a bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned distance - yes, there was one school that had to be ruled out due to distance. While it looked beautiful, it was in a location that made it rather difficult to access in an emergency and/or for school breaks.

Unless you mean emergency personnel can’t access the campus, this is a crazy reason to rule out a school.

No it is not. DP here but what if your kid has mental health issues and tries to hurt themself? Would you not want to get there ASAP rather than have to take a 10 hour flight, etc? come on, be reasonable, not everyone's life is perfect.

What if your DD got sexually assaulted? Would you like to leave it to the "emergency personnel" only?

I am the poster who shared this - you get it. That was what we were thinking. My child actually does have a history of mental health challenges, so this was a consideration. It is a 15 hour plus drive and in a location where snow is a major concern. There are no direct flights to the area, and the major city connections also frequently have weather issues.

It isn’t as if we are talking a T10 or anything - it was a school on the level of Radford (which was in the running for our child). Again, the pics and social media drew us in, but further investigation (including research into transport options) just made it a bit too difficult. A shame, really-we do hope to visit the area someday.

In the end, we came down to an in state 4 hours from home and a private 8 hours from home. She chose the private, but we can drive, fly, train or bus to the area. We also have friends and extended family not far away in a true emergency-and we did have to call in the favor already when my child landed in the ER a couple weeks in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned distance - yes, there was one school that had to be ruled out due to distance. While it looked beautiful, it was in a location that made it rather difficult to access in an emergency and/or for school breaks.

Agreed. It has to be near train station and within driving distance for us. Otherwise, not going to work. My kids like coming home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned distance - yes, there was one school that had to be ruled out due to distance. While it looked beautiful, it was in a location that made it rather difficult to access in an emergency and/or for school breaks.

Unless you mean emergency personnel can’t access the campus, this is a crazy reason to rule out a school.

No it is not. DP here but what if your kid has mental health issues and tries to hurt themself? Would you not want to get there ASAP rather than have to take a 10 hour flight, etc? come on, be reasonable, not everyone's life is perfect.

What if your DD got sexually assaulted? Would you like to leave it to the "emergency personnel" only?

Location of the school is not going to determine whether a sexual assault will occur, unfortunately, so no, I’m not basing a decision on DC’s college on whether I would have to takes planes, trains, and automobiles to get to DC if an assault were to happen…which for the record I wouldn’t wish on anyone’s child.

To your point about mental health challenges, if the DC is struggling then my opinion is the student isn’t ready to go off anywhere to college. Local college or online only. Why would anyone send their child with mental health challenges away anywhere? I empathize with any parent who deals with that, but come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned distance - yes, there was one school that had to be ruled out due to distance. While it looked beautiful, it was in a location that made it rather difficult to access in an emergency and/or for school breaks.

Unless you mean emergency personnel can’t access the campus, this is a crazy reason to rule out a school.

No it is not. DP here but what if your kid has mental health issues and tries to hurt themself? Would you not want to get there ASAP rather than have to take a 10 hour flight, etc? come on, be reasonable, not everyone's life is perfect.

What if your DD got sexually assaulted? Would you like to leave it to the "emergency personnel" only?

Location of the school is not going to determine whether a sexual assault will occur, unfortunately, so no, I’m not basing a decision on DC’s college on whether I would have to takes planes, trains, and automobiles to get to DC if an assault were to happen…which for the record I wouldn’t wish on anyone’s child.

To your point about mental health challenges, if the DC is struggling then my opinion is the student isn’t ready to go off anywhere to college. Local college or online only. Why would anyone send their child with mental health challenges away anywhere? I empathize with any parent who deals with that, but come on.

DP, but we are in the same boat as the PP you are responding to. Our DC with assorted challenges will go to school because they - and we, and their providers - think they’re ready. We are also realistic about the fact that we can’t really know how they’ll do in a new setting until they try it. We want them somewhere we can get to reasonably quickly if needed, or somewhere we have family / close friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned distance - yes, there was one school that had to be ruled out due to distance. While it looked beautiful, it was in a location that made it rather difficult to access in an emergency and/or for school breaks.

Unless you mean emergency personnel can’t access the campus, this is a crazy reason to rule out a school.

No it is not. DP here but what if your kid has mental health issues and tries to hurt themself? Would you not want to get there ASAP rather than have to take a 10 hour flight, etc? come on, be reasonable, not everyone's life is perfect.

What if your DD got sexually assaulted? Would you like to leave it to the "emergency personnel" only?

Location of the school is not going to determine whether a sexual assault will occur, unfortunately, so no, I’m not basing a decision on DC’s college on whether I would have to takes planes, trains, and automobiles to get to DC if an assault were to happen…which for the record I wouldn’t wish on anyone’s child.

To your point about mental health challenges, if the DC is struggling then my opinion is the student isn’t ready to go off anywhere to college. Local college or online only. Why would anyone send their child with mental health challenges away anywhere? I empathize with any parent who deals with that, but come on.

You don't have any clues, clearly. Trot off then, happy moron.

[Anonymous]

Mambojambo2024 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You meaning you plural you and your DC. Or just your DC if there was no budget, no geographic limits, etc.

+1
Unfortunately, my DC had to go with our "top choice" as it was an in-state school. Even though her dream school was out of state, we couldn't help her financially achieve it and she had no aid or merit. It was super tough on all of us, but she was 17 when was was making this decision. We decided not to let a 17 year old saddle herself with that much debt. Even though she finds our in-state school "less exciting," she can graduate debt free.

We are paying so we get final say. Kids can’t borrow full COA anymore so no way for our kid to attend top choice at $95k/yr without our approval (aka check book!). Kid is at lowest cost option.

Student loan limits are:
1st-year undergrad 5,500
2nd-year undergrad 6,500
3rd- & 4th-year undergrad 7,500
Limit for all 4 years 31,000

Many parents do not realize things have changed and their kid cannot borrow for school like they did.

Now, the parents can borrow full COA, but rates and origination fees are insane. And they are the parents’ loans, not the kids.

Terrible situation for your kid to be in. Instead of making the decision for your kid, you should have done a better job guiding him to only apply to colleges you and your family can afford. Or at least gamble on the ones that typically offer a lot of need-based money. I would never dare to select my child’s college for him….

If PP can only afford in-state, there aren't that many options in most states. It depends on the child's stats and maybe a preference for big/ small or a particular major but there are only a handful of options if you can’t afford private or OOS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Mambojambo2024 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You meaning you plural you and your DC. Or just your DC if there was no budget, no geographic limits, etc.

+1
Unfortunately, my DC had to go with our "top choice" as it was an in-state school. Even though her dream school was out of state, we couldn't help her financially achieve it and she had no aid or merit. It was super tough on all of us, but she was 17 when was was making this decision. We decided not to let a 17 year old saddle herself with that much debt. Even though she finds our in-state school "less exciting," she can graduate debt free.

We are paying so we get final say. Kids can’t borrow full COA anymore so no way for our kid to attend top choice at $95k/yr without our approval (aka check book!). Kid is at lowest cost option.

Student loan limits are:
1st-year undergrad 5,500
2nd-year undergrad 6,500
3rd- & 4th-year undergrad 7,500
Limit for all 4 years 31,000

Many parents do not realize things have changed and their kid cannot borrow for school like they did.

Now, the parents can borrow full COA, but rates and origination fees are insane. And they are the parents’ loans, not the kids.

Terrible situation for your kid to be in. Instead of making the decision for your kid, you should have done a better job guiding him to only apply to colleges you and your family can afford. Or at least gamble on the ones that typically offer a lot of need-based money. I would never dare to select my child’s college for him….

I’m not PP but this is absolutely not a “terrible situation.” You never know what the merit aid package might be like until you apply. To not have financial considerations is very, very rare (even if not rare on this site).

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quality of academic program, cost, admitted student day, convenience. We didn't seek the expertise of DCUM.

lol

[Anonymous]

Admitted Students Day. Combo of vibe and talking to students and faculty about curricula.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Admitted Students Day. Combo of vibe and talking to students and faculty about curricula.

Same poster. Also cost/FA.

[Anonymous]

It can sometimes be enlightening to join the prospective schools' parent Facebook groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned distance - yes, there was one school that had to be ruled out due to distance. While it looked beautiful, it was in a location that made it rather difficult to access in an emergency and/or for school breaks.

Unless you mean emergency personnel can’t access the campus, this is a crazy reason to rule out a school.

No it is not. DP here but what if your kid has mental health issues and tries to hurt themself? Would you not want to get there ASAP rather than have to take a 10 hour flight, etc? come on, be reasonable, not everyone's life is perfect.

What if your DD got sexually assaulted? Would you like to leave it to the "emergency personnel" only?

Location of the school is not going to determine whether a sexual assault will occur, unfortunately, so no, I’m not basing a decision on DC’s college on whether I would have to takes planes, trains, and automobiles to get to DC if an assault were to happen…which for the record I wouldn’t wish on anyone’s child.

To your point about mental health challenges, if the DC is struggling then my opinion is the student isn’t ready to go off anywhere to college. Local college or online only. Why would anyone send their child with mental health challenges away anywhere? I empathize with any parent who deals with that, but come on.

DP, but we are in the same boat as the PP you are responding to. Our DC with assorted challenges will go to school because they - and we, and their providers - think they’re ready. We are also realistic about the fact that we can’t really know how they’ll do in a new setting until they try it. We want them somewhere we can get to reasonably quickly if needed, or somewhere we have family / close friends.

In all sincerity I hope it goes well, that DC is indeed ready. The location, though, is not going to dictate readiness.