As an adult, what do you refer to step family as?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im in a similar position as OP but there are grandkids involved. My FIL’s new wife says my kids (baby, 2, and 5) should call her by her first name, not by a grandmother honorific title. We insist that our kids call adults Mr./Ms. (Southern! Can’t help it) but she insists they should just say her first name. I feel like this is cold toward my kids. This is their new grandma!

Maybe she doesn't want to be their grandma and you should respect her boundaries. You're not entitled to this.

I do respect her boundaries. We call her by her first name. I’m posting on a forum that this seems weird to me. My kids grandma died, grandpa remarried, and now they have a new grandma. I’m not “entitled” but it’s weird for my little kids. They don’t even remember the previous grandma! This is their grandma whether she wants to be or not.

Hmm, no, she's not. She is your dad's wife. I understand your pain, but your kids' grandmother is deceased. You can't force his wife into the role. I do agree that it's strange for young kids to call an adult by their first name. Does she have a nickname? Perhaps if she's Lynn, the kids can call her "Ly-Ly."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im in a similar position as OP but there are grandkids involved. My FIL’s new wife says my kids (baby, 2, and 5) should call her by her first name, not by a grandmother honorific title. We insist that our kids call adults Mr./Ms. (Southern! Can’t help it) but she insists they should just say her first name. I feel like this is cold toward my kids. This is their new grandma!

Maybe she doesn't want to be their grandma and you should respect her boundaries. You're not entitled to this.

I do respect her boundaries. We call her by her first name. I’m posting on a forum that this seems weird to me. My kids grandma died, grandpa remarried, and now they have a new grandma. I’m not “entitled” but it’s weird for my little kids. They don’t even remember the previous grandma! This is their grandma whether she wants to be or not.

Hmm, no, she's not. She is your dad's wife. I understand your pain, but your kids' grandmother is deceased. You can't force his wife into the role. I do agree that it's strange for young kids to call an adult by their first name. Does she have a nickname? Perhaps if she's Lynn, the kids can call her "Ly-Ly."

+1. You cannot make her. And if she and your dad divorced, she might never see you or them again. That's what makes her different from a grandmother.

Try to understand that the emphasis on honorifics and fake familiarity of Southern culture feels really weird to people who didn't grow up with it. Can't we all just be people and stop fussing over titles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have ONE mother in my life and only she gets to be called that. To the lady who married my father, just no.

Yes. I totally agree. My dad remarried, but didn't have any more kids. None of us would call her mom. Or if they had a child consider their child to be a sibling. When someone already has a family then decides to have more with other partners it's beyond irresponsible. The term "blended family", was coined to make dysfunctional seem normal. It's not fair to your kids to have more children from different partners. Another reason kids are messed up today, along with other things in our society.

“Blended families” have been happening forever though. There were lots of remarriages in the past. My great grandma was a young widow with kids who had more kids with her second husband. Also extended families were more involved in the past. The idea of the perfect little nuclear family unit is a fairly recent one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im in a similar position as OP but there are grandkids involved. My FIL’s new wife says my kids (baby, 2, and 5) should call her by her first name, not by a grandmother honorific title. We insist that our kids call adults Mr./Ms. (Southern! Can’t help it) but she insists they should just say her first name. I feel like this is cold toward my kids. This is their new grandma!

Maybe she doesn't want to be their grandma and you should respect her boundaries. You're not entitled to this.

I do respect her boundaries. We call her by her first name. I’m posting on a forum that this seems weird to me. My kids grandma died, grandpa remarried, and now they have a new grandma. I’m not “entitled” but it’s weird for my little kids. They don’t even remember the previous grandma! This is their grandma whether she wants to be or not.

Hmm, no, she's not. She is your dad's wife. I understand your pain, but your kids' grandmother is deceased. You can't force his wife into the role. I do agree that it's strange for young kids to call an adult by their first name. Does she have a nickname? Perhaps if she's Lynn, the kids can call her "Ly-Ly."

+1. You cannot make her. And if she and your dad divorced, she might never see you or them again. That's what makes her different from a grandmother.

Try to understand that the emphasis on honorifics and fake familiarity of Southern culture feels really weird to people who didn't grow up with it. Can't we all just be people and stop fussing over titles?

I’m the PP. So what is the definition of a grandmother? My FIL’s wife is my kid’s grandmother. DH’s parents divorced when he was a kid. His dad remarried. That woman was my kids’ grandmother until she died. I don’t think it’s a great idea to do things “in case maybe someone gets divorced in the future.”

Again, I respect what she has asked my kids to call her, but I think it’s weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im in a similar position as OP but there are grandkids involved. My FIL’s new wife says my kids (baby, 2, and 5) should call her by her first name, not by a grandmother honorific title. We insist that our kids call adults Mr./Ms. (Southern! Can’t help it) but she insists they should just say her first name. I feel like this is cold toward my kids. This is their new grandma!

Maybe she doesn't want to be their grandma and you should respect her boundaries. You're not entitled to this.

I do respect her boundaries. We call her by her first name. I’m posting on a forum that this seems weird to me. My kids grandma died, grandpa remarried, and now they have a new grandma. I’m not “entitled” but it’s weird for my little kids. They don’t even remember the previous grandma! This is their grandma whether she wants to be or not.

Hmm, no, she's not. She is your dad's wife. I understand your pain, but your kids' grandmother is deceased. You can't force his wife into the role. I do agree that it's strange for young kids to call an adult by their first name. Does she have a nickname? Perhaps if she's Lynn, the kids can call her "Ly-Ly."

+1. You cannot make her. And if she and your dad divorced, she might never see you or them again. That's what makes her different from a grandmother.

Try to understand that the emphasis on honorifics and fake familiarity of Southern culture feels really weird to people who didn't grow up with it. Can't we all just be people and stop fussing over titles?

I’m the PP. So what is the definition of a grandmother? My FIL’s wife is my kid’s grandmother. DH’s parents divorced when he was a kid. His dad remarried. That woman was my kids’ grandmother until she died. I don’t think it’s a great idea to do things “in case maybe someone gets divorced in the future.”

Again, I respect what she has asked my kids to call her, but I think it’s weird.

The definition of a grandmother is either a biological or adoptive grandmother, or a person with the relevant relationship who ***wants to fill that role***. That's what's weird about this. You're trying to pressure her into a role she does not want. You seem to think she owes it to you. Very weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im in a similar position as OP but there are grandkids involved. My FIL’s new wife says my kids (baby, 2, and 5) should call her by her first name, not by a grandmother honorific title. We insist that our kids call adults Mr./Ms. (Southern! Can’t help it) but she insists they should just say her first name. I feel like this is cold toward my kids. This is their new grandma!

Maybe she doesn't want to be their grandma and you should respect her boundaries. You're not entitled to this.

I do respect her boundaries. We call her by her first name. I’m posting on a forum that this seems weird to me. My kids grandma died, grandpa remarried, and now they have a new grandma. I’m not “entitled” but it’s weird for my little kids. They don’t even remember the previous grandma! This is their grandma whether she wants to be or not.

Hmm, no, she's not. She is your dad's wife. I understand your pain, but your kids' grandmother is deceased. You can't force his wife into the role. I do agree that it's strange for young kids to call an adult by their first name. Does she have a nickname? Perhaps if she's Lynn, the kids can call her "Ly-Ly."

+1. You cannot make her. And if she and your dad divorced, she might never see you or them again. That's what makes her different from a grandmother.

Try to understand that the emphasis on honorifics and fake familiarity of Southern culture feels really weird to people who didn't grow up with it. Can't we all just be people and stop fussing over titles?

I’m the PP. So what is the definition of a grandmother? My FIL’s wife is my kid’s grandmother. DH’s parents divorced when he was a kid. His dad remarried. That woman was my kids’ grandmother until she died. I don’t think it’s a great idea to do things “in case maybe someone gets divorced in the future.”

Again, I respect what she has asked my kids to call her, but I think it’s weird.

Your DH's stepmother was their grandmother because she wanted to be. This woman doesn't want to, therefore she isn't. It's not something that comes along with her marriage if she doesn't want it to.