Drama queen siblings acting like our parents were terrible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Barring abuse, adults should have long moved on from their complaints about not perfect childhoods.

Does you definition of abuse extend to emotional? How exactly do you define that? ....since of course you are the subject matter expert.

What does it matter what we here or what your other sibling thinks? You may feel a way about your parents but no one else has to agree, or even be concerned with your opinion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let assume you have a father who works very long hours six days a week.
One kid can see this as his father works so hard to support the family and is appreciative.
Second kid can see it as my father has never been to school meeting or my athletic events and was absentee parent.
Same experience different interpretations.

They can also have totally different experiences depending on timing. The firstborn might have dad gone all the time and worries about money, while later kids might have been born after parents had accumulated more wealth and also maybe taken jobs that were better for quality of life.

So what so you want the other sibling who had a different experience to do now? A sibling told me "I need you to support me in my feelings about..." and I don't know what that means. Whatever it is, I am not doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your birth order, op? It is possible you were treated differently.

I bet the first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our upbringing was far from perfect and we grew up in a divorced family, but both my parents really did care about us and tried their best. There were no major problems like physical/emotional/sexual abuse or substance addictions, and we always had our needs met. Yet my siblings have become huge drama queens as adults and pretend that my parents did a bad job when in reality we probably had a better childhood than 85% or more of this country. My siblings have a decent relationship with my parents but don’t respect them and constantly talk s*** behind their backs and it’s always about something really petty. Why are they like this?

They had a different childhood from your >85% one and you were and are completely oblivious to the fact that you and your sibs were treated differently by your parents. You were probably your parents favorite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people who had truly magical childhoods are a rare breed. It’s the silent types you know are traumatized. I’m one so aggrieved and in therapy.

I avoid people who are dismissive and or can’t possibly think beyond themselves and their own very specific life experiences- they are oddly delusional, self-involved, narrow-minded, judgmental and lack empathy.

Is the expectation of a "truly magical childhood" reasonable?

Of course not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let assume you have a father who works very long hours six days a week.
One kid can see this as his father works so hard to support the family and is appreciative.
Second kid can see it as my father has never been to school meeting or my athletic events and was absentee parent.
Same experience different interpretations.

They can also have totally different experiences depending on timing. The firstborn might have dad gone all the time and worries about money, while later kids might have been born after parents had accumulated more wealth and also maybe taken jobs that were better for quality of life.

So what so you want the other sibling who had a different experience to do now? A sibling told me "I need you to support me in my feelings about..." and I don't know what that means. Whatever it is, I am not doing it.

If my sibling said that to me, I’d say, “tell me more about what you remember from being a kid and tell me how it’s affecting you now.” In my mind, they are asking to be heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let assume you have a father who works very long hours six days a week.
One kid can see this as his father works so hard to support the family and is appreciative.
Second kid can see it as my father has never been to school meeting or my athletic events and was absentee parent.
Same experience different interpretations.

They can also have totally different experiences depending on timing. The firstborn might have dad gone all the time and worries about money, while later kids might have been born after parents had accumulated more wealth and also maybe taken jobs that were better for quality of life.

So what so you want the other sibling who had a different experience to do now? A sibling told me "I need you to support me in my feelings about..." and I don't know what that means. Whatever it is, I am not doing it.

If my sibling said that to me, I’d say, “tell me more about what you remember from being a kid and tell me how it’s affecting you now.” In my mind, they are asking to be heard.

But they are ultimately going to be unsatisfied because they want their other sibling to feel the same pain that they do but that can't happen. They are going to share, other sibling will say that is not my experience, and that is not the preferred answer. Jealousy arises.

[Anonymous]

Op, my sister is the same way, and I chalk it up to temperament. She is a chronic, cantankerous complainer, and her poor outlook is reflected in all aspects of her life. The hardest part to grasp is that she can't see that she is the common denominator in her sad, toxic story. My best advice is to limit engagement.