Why men like mean women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an attractive, kind and nice woman (deep in my heart, so I feel uncomfortable not to be reciprocal or accepting favors without giving back). I noticed that when I "use" the guy as a working horse - always ask him to do things for me, task with errands, decline dates that are not posh enough, and otherwise make him "serve" my interests they gets more and more attached. When I treat men nicely (invite over to my place to cook dinner, reciprocate with inviting them for dates etc), they quickly dump me. Like, within 2-3 weeks. But if I remain "mean", they continue "serving".

Did anyone else notice this phenomenon? Or am I a bad picker?

Wonder if you're not a bad picker so much as treating higher quality men better than the worse men. The worse men are competing and the good men are moving on no matter what you do because they have options. You may instinctively be separating the men and treating them differently.

In my younger days, I rarely dated a woman for more than 3 weeks because I'd gotten what I wanted and was ready for another.

I don’t treat men differently simply because I go out past date 3 with the very few men whom I perceive as “high quality” for me. Not sure what that means but these are men I’m attracted physically to, we are at least same intellectual level and lifestyle. That would be 2-3 guys in a year. I don’t sleep with anyone until after a month or two so maybe it’s the opposite: they move on to a lady that jumped him quicker…
I don’t know, I just date the way I’m comfortable

If you aren’t putting out for two months, most men will move on.

That would be slightly over a month. We made out just didn't have all-in intercourse or other types of sex. He only needed to bring std test and we had agreed for a trip together when he flaked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do women like men at all, ever?

Sometimes on DCUM it’s hard to tell.

Do men like women at all, ever?

yes, and they don't create an internet board to complain about every.single.f'ing.thing.

Jeff created this board and is a man and a quarter of the users are men, according to the advertising metrics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. They want to bang and don’t want to commit. Since they are helping you, then they might expect retribution.

On the other hand, it might be they feel they are being seduced for long term.

Not getting it: so if I show them kindness and independence by not using their time and resources they think I wouldn’t be banging them?

I think pp used the word “retribution” when she meant “reciprocation.” As in, they expect you to put out since they did something for you.

OP here: I just enjoy being nice to men, just as much as I enjoy treating me. I told him I would want us to have sex (after std testing), and he was fairly certain I would follow through without him loaning me his car or an apartment to stay, or whatever. The point is he lost interest once he realized it was promised ....or maybe his std panel didn't clear. I'm still puzzled but it did happen before when they flake once I warm down to them.

Have you considered condoms instead of requiring an “std panel”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do women like men at all, ever?

Sometimes on DCUM it’s hard to tell.

Do men like women at all, ever?

yes, and they don't create an internet board to complain about every.single.f'ing.thing.

Jeff created this board and is a man and a quarter of the users are men, according to the advertising metrics.

DP

That's not a relevant response. The metrics on frequency of women posting complaints about men and vice versa is relevant.

The eye test supports PPs statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. They want to bang and don’t want to commit. Since they are helping you, then they might expect retribution.

On the other hand, it might be they feel they are being seduced for long term.

Not getting it: so if I show them kindness and independence by not using their time and resources they think I wouldn’t be banging them?

I think pp used the word “retribution” when she meant “reciprocation.” As in, they expect you to put out since they did something for you.

OP here: I just enjoy being nice to men, just as much as I enjoy treating me. I told him I would want us to have sex (after std testing), and he was fairly certain I would follow through without him loaning me his car or an apartment to stay, or whatever. The point is he lost interest once he realized it was promised ....or maybe his std panel didn't clear. I'm still puzzled but it did happen before when they flake once I warm down to them.

Have you considered condoms instead of requiring an “std panel”?

I ask for both as a lot of men are elusive with condoms when it gets to sex and many things still get transmitted when things rub, you know…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easy. They want to bang and don’t want to commit. Since they are helping you, then they might expect retribution.

On the other hand, it might be they feel they are being seduced for long term.

Not getting it: so if I show them kindness and independence by not using their time and resources they think I wouldn’t be banging them?

I think pp used the word “retribution” when she meant “reciprocation.” As in, they expect you to put out since they did something for you.

OP here: I just enjoy being nice to men, just as much as I enjoy treating me. I told him I would want us to have sex (after std testing), and he was fairly certain I would follow through without him loaning me his car or an apartment to stay, or whatever. The point is he lost interest once he realized it was promised ....or maybe his std panel didn't clear. I'm still puzzled but it did happen before when they flake once I warm down to them.

Have you considered condoms instead of requiring an “std panel”?

Are you saying men should flake offended anytime women inquire about their herpes status ? I suspected he might felt offended but in that case we are not a match. If I have no issues showing my panel then so should my partner if they are clean. If they want to rub their P on my privates but too lazy to take panel - hard pass

[Anonymous]

Hate to be the one to break it to you OP, but when you treat men nice all of the time, they perceive you as a doormat and easygoing to the extent of not able to assert yourself or challenge him.

I used to be nice and attracted the worst creeping loser guys. Once I started being confrontational I attracted men who wanted to be with me and treated me better.

be assertive and don’t afraid of conflicts and drop him the minute he doesn’t treat you well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hate to be the one to break it to you OP, but when you treat men nice all of the time, they perceive you as a doormat and easygoing to the extent of not able to assert yourself or challenge him.

I used to be nice and attracted the worst creeping loser guys. Once I started being confrontational I attracted men who wanted to be with me and treated me better.

be assertive and don’t afraid of conflicts and drop him the minute he doesn’t treat you well.

I don’t know if he perceived me as a doormat. Any woman who is asking for a full panel before sex is barely worried for men flaking, she obviously is expecting good treatment and knows what she’s comfortable with. He did insist of me accepting his favors so it must be something that didn’t make him needed enough. Or just plain simple another woman jumped in bed sooner.

It’s helpful to hear what men say, I’ll try to be more receptive of material favors early one and become comfortable with that. It’s what THEY need to feel wanted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hate to be the one to break it to you OP, but when you treat men nice all of the time, they perceive you as a doormat and easygoing to the extent of not able to assert yourself or challenge him.

I used to be nice and attracted the worst creeping loser guys. Once I started being confrontational I attracted men who wanted to be with me and treated me better.

be assertive and don’t afraid of conflicts and drop him the minute he doesn’t treat you well.

I don’t know if he perceived me as a doormat. Any woman who is asking for a full panel before sex is barely worried for men flaking, she obviously is expecting good treatment and knows what she’s comfortable with. He did insist of me accepting his favors so it must be something that didn’t make him needed enough. Or just plain simple another woman jumped in bed sooner.

It’s helpful to hear what men say, I’ll try to be more receptive of material favors early one and become comfortable with that. It’s what THEY need to feel wanted

Well I don’t even know you but can tell from how you communicate in this thread that you come across as needy, insecure, and too eager to please. It’s a turn off to anyone no matter how thin or pretty you may actually be.

Stop being desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hate to be the one to break it to you OP, but when you treat men nice all of the time, they perceive you as a doormat and easygoing to the extent of not able to assert yourself or challenge him.

I used to be nice and attracted the worst creeping loser guys. Once I started being confrontational I attracted men who wanted to be with me and treated me better.

be assertive and don’t afraid of conflicts and drop him the minute he doesn’t treat you well.

I don’t know if he perceived me as a doormat. Any woman who is asking for a full panel before sex is barely worried for men flaking, she obviously is expecting good treatment and knows what she’s comfortable with. He did insist of me accepting his favors so it must be something that didn’t make him needed enough. Or just plain simple another woman jumped in bed sooner.

It’s helpful to hear what men say, I’ll try to be more receptive of material favors early one and become comfortable with that. It’s what THEY need to feel wanted

Well I don’t even know you but can tell from how you communicate in this thread that you come across as needy, insecure, and too eager to please. It’s a turn off to anyone no matter how thin or pretty you may actually be.

Stop being desperate.

Hah? What specifically comes across like that ? I didn’t text him excessively, or asked to call me or anything. He was the driver I was the passenger. I didn’t jump into bed and was dating/chatting with others. In fact I don’t even know why he flaked but somewhat puzzled by a sudden change of winds. Maybe he was just a classic love bomber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do women like men at all, ever?

Sometimes on DCUM it’s hard to tell.

Do men like women at all, ever?

Do women like women... we are a mean society.

[Anonymous]

Men definitely don’t like it. Most narcissists can conceal their true personalities until it’s too late. Then a partner is saddled with them or divorce, which can be costly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Do men like women at all, ever?

Yes! There is that period early in the relationship where she is completely sweet and agreeable, will do anything for you, and will never deny you anything. That's really great! You've got to take advantage of it, though, because it never lasts.

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe you’re “mean” and distant with less desirable men. These men have fewer options, which is why they show more interest in you.