Wife dies and husband adopts their 1 year old out to the aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife almost died during childbirth. Things looked bleak. I had about 24 hours to think about what I was going to do. I had pretty much made up my mind I wasn't going keep her, so much of that was debating whether I would simply leave them at the hospital for CPS or turn them over a family member. I wanted to the former to let her start life from a clean slate, preferably never learning about her traumatic birthday, but pretty much concluded I'd have to do the latter.

And while I was convinced, at the time at least, that was the right discusion, I also didn't expect I'd be able to live with myself. So I planned my suicide, too.

Obviously I don't know what I actually would have done if my wife didn't evenctually pull through, but I do know I would never judge whatever decision someone makes in that situation.

If I'm understanding correctly you had to make the decision between an unborn child and your wife's life.

This guy had his child for at least a year, by the time the adoption took place longer. Different situation. He didn't want the responsibility of taking care of his own child.

No, the child was born healthy, but my wife's condition continued to deteriorate. She wasn't expected to survive.

You’re really awful and shouldn’t be reprodcing with anyone!! Seriously, you’d go through a pregnancy with your wife and if she died you’d want to get rid you YOUR kid. WTF. Some people are really f-ed up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could be friends with someone like this, but never in a relationship.

This! Absolutely, I would never be in a relationship with someone so deeply disturbed as to lack integrity and responsibility for their own kid. I wouldn’t be able to be friends with them or employ them though. This person cannot even be responsible for THEIR OWN CHILD. This is the the foundations of respect for another human.

[Anonymous]

I know of two situations where there was A split, or one about to happen, where a pregnancy occurred. While the men really should have taken care of themselves, I can also Envision a world where they had been in LTR/marriages and birth control was not their worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife almost died during childbirth. Things looked bleak. I had about 24 hours to think about what I was going to do. I had pretty much made up my mind I wasn't going keep her, so much of that was debating whether I would simply leave them at the hospital for CPS or turn them over a family member. I wanted to the former to let her start life from a clean slate, preferably never learning about her traumatic birthday, but pretty much concluded I'd have to do the latter.

And while I was convinced, at the time at least, that was the right discusion, I also didn't expect I'd be able to live with myself. So I planned my suicide, too.

Obviously I don't know what I actually would have done if my wife didn't evenctually pull through, but I do know I would never judge whatever decision someone makes in that situation.

If I'm understanding correctly you had to make the decision between an unborn child and your wife's life.

This guy had his child for at least a year, by the time the adoption took place longer. Different situation. He didn't want the responsibility of taking care of his own child.

No, the child was born healthy, but my wife's condition continued to deteriorate. She wasn't expected to survive.

You’re really awful and shouldn’t be reprodcing with anyone!! Seriously, you’d go through a pregnancy with your wife and if she died you’d want to get rid you YOUR kid. WTF. Some people are really f-ed up!

Shocking because that would be the last thing I'd be thinking. My main concern would be my dying spouse. I was a single parent for awhile, I was thankful I had my child who I loved, was grateful to have her as my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a woman put her child up for adoption.

They do right after birth. Not the same situation. He was the father for over a year. My family would be disgusted if I jettisoned the kid to be unburdened. Divorced twice is also telling about his lack of character. This guy has deep problems.

Is that how you would describe it if someone gave a child up for adoption at birth-- that they "jettisoned the kid to be unburdened"?

Or do you think there are legitimate reasons to do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife almost died during childbirth. Things looked bleak. I had about 24 hours to think about what I was going to do. I had pretty much made up my mind I wasn't going keep her, so much of that was debating whether I would simply leave them at the hospital for CPS or turn them over a family member. I wanted to the former to let her start life from a clean slate, preferably never learning about her traumatic birthday, but pretty much concluded I'd have to do the latter.

And while I was convinced, at the time at least, that was the right discusion, I also didn't expect I'd be able to live with myself. So I planned my suicide, too.

Obviously I don't know what I actually would have done if my wife didn't evenctually pull through, but I do know I would never judge whatever decision someone makes in that situation.

If I'm understanding correctly you had to make the decision between an unborn child and your wife's life.

This guy had his child for at least a year, by the time the adoption took place longer. Different situation. He didn't want the responsibility of taking care of his own child.

No, the child was born healthy, but my wife's condition continued to deteriorate. She wasn't expected to survive.

You’re really awful and shouldn’t be reprodcing with anyone!! Seriously, you’d go through a pregnancy with your wife and if she died you’d want to get rid you YOUR kid. WTF. Some people are really f-ed up!

DP, but it sounds like a trauma response in the moment. He might not have gone through with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife almost died during childbirth. Things looked bleak. I had about 24 hours to think about what I was going to do. I had pretty much made up my mind I wasn't going keep her, so much of that was debating whether I would simply leave them at the hospital for CPS or turn them over a family member. I wanted to the former to let her start life from a clean slate, preferably never learning about her traumatic birthday, but pretty much concluded I'd have to do the latter.

And while I was convinced, at the time at least, that was the right discusion, I also didn't expect I'd be able to live with myself. So I planned my suicide, too.

Obviously I don't know what I actually would have done if my wife didn't evenctually pull through, but I do know I would never judge whatever decision someone makes in that situation.

If I'm understanding correctly you had to make the decision between an unborn child and your wife's life.

This guy had his child for at least a year, by the time the adoption took place longer. Different situation. He didn't want the responsibility of taking care of his own child.

No, the child was born healthy, but my wife's condition continued to deteriorate. She wasn't expected to survive.

You’re really awful and shouldn’t be reprodcing with anyone!! Seriously, you’d go through a pregnancy with your wife and if she died you’d want to get rid you YOUR kid. WTF. Some people are really f-ed up!

DP, but it sounds like a trauma response in the moment. He might not have gone through with that.

Nah. Sounds like a pretty typical future-deadbeat husband/father who only has a kid to keep the wife happy. We know many of these in our UMC circles. Husband wants the appearance of the "family man" but doesn't actually have any true interest in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a woman put her child up for adoption.

They do right after birth. Not the same situation. He was the father for over a year. My family would be disgusted if I jettisoned the kid to be unburdened. Divorced twice is also telling about his lack of character. This guy has deep problems.

Is that how you would describe it if someone gave a child up for adoption at birth-- that they "jettisoned the kid to be unburdened"?

Or do you think there are legitimate reasons to do that?

There are legit reasons of course, not the same subject matter. Adoptions are usually planned with good reasons. This guy didn't want the burden or responsibility to raise his own daughter while she was a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife almost died during childbirth. Things looked bleak. I had about 24 hours to think about what I was going to do. I had pretty much made up my mind I wasn't going keep her, so much of that was debating whether I would simply leave them at the hospital for CPS or turn them over a family member. I wanted to the former to let her start life from a clean slate, preferably never learning about her traumatic birthday, but pretty much concluded I'd have to do the latter.

And while I was convinced, at the time at least, that was the right discusion, I also didn't expect I'd be able to live with myself. So I planned my suicide, too.

Obviously I don't know what I actually would have done if my wife didn't evenctually pull through, but I do know I would never judge whatever decision someone makes in that situation.

If I'm understanding correctly you had to make the decision between an unborn child and your wife's life.

This guy had his child for at least a year, by the time the adoption took place longer. Different situation. He didn't want the responsibility of taking care of his own child.

No, the child was born healthy, but my wife's condition continued to deteriorate. She wasn't expected to survive.

You’re really awful and shouldn’t be reprodcing with anyone!! Seriously, you’d go through a pregnancy with your wife and if she died you’d want to get rid you YOUR kid. WTF. Some people are really f-ed up!

DP, but it sounds like a trauma response in the moment. He might not have gone through with that.

Nah. Sounds like a pretty typical future-deadbeat husband/father who only has a kid to keep the wife happy. We know many of these in our UMC circles. Husband wants the appearance of the "family man" but doesn't actually have any true interest in it.

I think you are right. I wonder if it was a planned pregnancy on his part, still wouldn't make a difference. He's rotten IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife almost died during childbirth. Things looked bleak. I had about 24 hours to think about what I was going to do. I had pretty much made up my mind I wasn't going keep her, so much of that was debating whether I would simply leave them at the hospital for CPS or turn them over a family member. I wanted to the former to let her start life from a clean slate, preferably never learning about her traumatic birthday, but pretty much concluded I'd have to do the latter.

And while I was convinced, at the time at least, that was the right discusion, I also didn't expect I'd be able to live with myself. So I planned my suicide, too.

Obviously I don't know what I actually would have done if my wife didn't evenctually pull through, but I do know I would never judge whatever decision someone makes in that situation.

Omfg, I hope you never told your wife this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife almost died during childbirth. Things looked bleak. I had about 24 hours to think about what I was going to do. I had pretty much made up my mind I wasn't going keep her, so much of that was debating whether I would simply leave them at the hospital for CPS or turn them over a family member. I wanted to the former to let her start life from a clean slate, preferably never learning about her traumatic birthday, but pretty much concluded I'd have to do the latter.

And while I was convinced, at the time at least, that was the right discusion, I also didn't expect I'd be able to live with myself. So I planned my suicide, too.

Obviously I don't know what I actually would have done if my wife didn't evenctually pull through, but I do know I would never judge whatever decision someone makes in that situation.

If I'm understanding correctly you had to make the decision between an unborn child and your wife's life.

This guy had his child for at least a year, by the time the adoption took place longer. Different situation. He didn't want the responsibility of taking care of his own child.

No, the child was born healthy, but my wife's condition continued to deteriorate. She wasn't expected to survive.

How do you feel about this line of thinking now that you (presumably) have bonded with your child? Do you ever think about what you would have missed out on?

I’m surprised that the instinct would be to adopt out the child, which is your last link to your spouse you loved enough to make a baby with.

Glad she lived and it worked out for you though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you probably know lots of men like Jim and have no idea. My husband is active duty and I'd say about 25% of the men we know have abandoned children. By abandoned I mean they've made the conscious decision to have no relationship whatsoever to a child or children from a previous relationship. Not a money or time thing.

I should add - all of these men are currently raising children too, but with their current wives. The wives also support their decision to not have a relationship with their other children.

And yeah this happens in DCUM-land/UMC circles, too. You see a loving husband and dad with a happy family and an expensive house and have no idea from the surface (unless you know the family well) he has another child he abandoned. I knew of several families like this growing up in a nice neighborhood.

We know two families just in our neighborhood like this. In both cases, the fathers claim the ex wife is “crazy” and didn’t want the dads seeing the children. I’m pretty sure both pay child support. It’s just wild because both families are living a picturesque UMC life with all the trappings and I don’t think the other kids are. In one family the youngest of the two children that got left behind is only two years older than his oldest child with current wife. In that case I strongly suspect current wife was the AP.

Yep, there’s probably others you don’t know about too, because oftentimes dad and new wife move to a nice new neighborhood to start over and start their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife almost died during childbirth. Things looked bleak. I had about 24 hours to think about what I was going to do. I had pretty much made up my mind I wasn't going keep her, so much of that was debating whether I would simply leave them at the hospital for CPS or turn them over a family member. I wanted to the former to let her start life from a clean slate, preferably never learning about her traumatic birthday, but pretty much concluded I'd have to do the latter.

And while I was convinced, at the time at least, that was the right discusion, I also didn't expect I'd be able to live with myself. So I planned my suicide, too.

Obviously I don't know what I actually would have done if my wife didn't evenctually pull through, but I do know I would never judge whatever decision someone makes in that situation.

Omfg, I hope you never told your wife this.

He was honest, but wow I wonder that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Am I being too judgmental, or is this guy just awful?

Both? I mean - not wanting to keep your own child after a year of raising her isn’t a great look - but better to have her be with a loving family (presumably) than actively neglect her.

Agree it’s better than neglect. But it’s still much worse than being a grownup and rising to the occasion of being a good parent.

[Anonymous]

You have a child who is over a year old. What about the extended family? They would be just horrified, no doubt grandma and grandpa had some strong opposition.