Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you are hesitant to even ask? Why is that?

BIL has never hosted his mom since becoming an adult. The excuses are he was busy with school or work. There is always some text he had to prepare for. Then his place was too small. He didn’t have a guest room. He is going out of town himself that weekend. He has run out of excuses. BIL just doesn’t want his mom to visit him.

And that's his right, TBH. MIL can ask him if she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is planning to come to our house for Christmas. BIL now lives in the same area and has a 3 bedroom house.

Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom and bring MIL to our house on Christmas Day?

If you have out of town and in town family, where does everyone stay?

Usually my family or dh’s family visits us. My dad has been in poor condition so he hasn’t been able to come. He may not have many holidays left.

I guess the other option is in laws don’t come this holiday.

Yes, it is reasonable for your mil to stay the night at your bil and him drive her over for Christmas Day.

If he’s not wanting to do that it may mean he’s unavailable.

If you are hosting and mil made plans with you, then you should also be able to accommodate her sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you are hesitant to even ask? Why is that?

BIL has never hosted his mom since becoming an adult. The excuses are he was busy with school or work. There is always some text he had to prepare for. Then his place was too small. He didn’t have a guest room. He is going out of town himself that weekend. He has run out of excuses. BIL just doesn’t want his mom to visit him.

All of those are completely valid reasons for him to not host his mom. The last one perhaps the most valid. If he doesn’t want to host her, he does not have to host her. No you cannot force him to host her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you are hesitant to even ask? Why is that?

BIL has never hosted his mom since becoming an adult. The excuses are he was busy with school or work. There is always some text he had to prepare for. Then his place was too small. He didn’t have a guest room. He is going out of town himself that weekend. He has run out of excuses. BIL just doesn’t want his mom to visit him.

All of those are completely valid reasons for him to not host his mom. The last one perhaps the most valid. If he doesn’t want to host her, he does not have to host her. No you cannot force him to host her.

He doesn't have to host her, and neither does OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe OP’s parents and her DH’s mom both live out of town. Her parents will be visiting with her over Christmas and will be staying in her home. She would love to invite her MIL to come celebrate Christmas with them too, but does not have enough room in her house for her MIL to also sleep at her house. She wonders if she could ask her BIL (MIL’s son) to host/house/provide accommodations for the MIL so that she can invite everyone to celebrate the holiday together.

I think this is a lovely idea. My sister and I routinely take turns hosting/housing our parents if the other one has the in-laws in town. OP, just run the idea by your BIL before you approach your MIL. Let him know you would love to have everyone celebrate the holiday at your house, but that you are unable to provide a bed for your MIL this time, as your parents are staying in your guest room. As him if he would be willing to house his mother so that you can have the whole family (obviously his family is included in this) over to celebrate the holiday together.

Op here. Yes, you have it right. I was thinking/worrying about this and was typing while getting the kids ready for school earlier today and my post is confusing.

What's the alternative? Just telling MIL she can't come because your house is full? Sounds like your parents made their plans first. MIL can either stay with someone else, get a hotel, or not come. What is the issue here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is very confusing op. What do you want to have happen for Christmas? What are the objections you’re seeing or anticipating from others?

I just reread the post and it doesn’t sound confusing to be but I’m the one who wrote it.

In years past, we would usually take turns with my parents and in laws whether they visited us or we would visit them. My BIL (DH’s brother) did not live locally and would either join us at my house or his parents’ house or do his own thing. BIL now lives near us. Because my family is coming to our house, I want my MIL to stay with BIL at his house and come to our house for Christmas since our house is already full.

I think I unnecessarily feel guilty about MIL. If her son (BIL) doesn’t want to host (let her stay at his house), we should not feel bad or guilty that she doesn’t come this year but I feel bad. I’m considering switching our holiday plans now to just visit my family.

If your house is full, your house is full. How do you function on a regular basis is the real question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We prefer all out of town guests to stay in a nearby hotel.

It's also what we do when we travel to visit family and friends..

I wish I could get away with this with my inlaws. Christmas to New Year has become my least favorite time of the year. They stay with us. They want to drive my car because they don't rent one. They are noisy at night, and I have young kids whose regular bedtime is 7. I'm in therapy, working on strategies to enjoy holidays with my kids under the circumstances.

Stop being a doormat, that ought to help.

Also, you have a husband problem, not an in-law problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is incredibly confusing and muddy. None of it makes sense.

You’re upset that your brother-in-law wants to host his mother for Christmas and will have the audacity to then bring her to your house for Christmas?

“Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom and bring MIL to our house on Christmas Day?”

I agree it's confusing. I think the bolded is what the OP wants to happen, but someone -- the MIL? The BIL? DH? -- is objecting.

No - OP doesn't want her MIL to stay with them, she wants her parents to stay with them. She wants to tell her BIL that his mother has to stay with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe OP’s parents and her DH’s mom both live out of town. Her parents will be visiting with her over Christmas and will be staying in her home. She would love to invite her MIL to come celebrate Christmas with them too, but does not have enough room in her house for her MIL to also sleep at her house. She wonders if she could ask her BIL (MIL’s son) to host/house/provide accommodations for the MIL so that she can invite everyone to celebrate the holiday together.

I think this is a lovely idea. My sister and I routinely take turns hosting/housing our parents if the other one has the in-laws in town. OP, just run the idea by your BIL before you approach your MIL. Let him know you would love to have everyone celebrate the holiday at your house, but that you are unable to provide a bed for your MIL this time, as your parents are staying in your guest room. As him if he would be willing to house his mother so that you can have the whole family (obviously his family is included in this) over to celebrate the holiday together.

Op here. Yes, you have it right. I was thinking/worrying about this and was typing while getting the kids ready for school earlier today and my post is confusing.

What's the alternative? Just telling MIL she can't come because your house is full? Sounds like your parents made their plans first. MIL can either stay with someone else, get a hotel, or not come. What is the issue here?

OP, did you and DH also invite his mom before realizing your house is full? Is she otherwise alone for the holidays? Your DH needs to talk to his brother or find a hotel room / Airbnb for his mom.