Is it reasonable for BIL to host his mom for Christmas

[Anonymous]

Your house is full. If MIL wants to come, she needs to find somewhere else to stay. Maybe that's BILs, maybe a hotel, maybe they stay home or go on a cruise. Either way, your house is full.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume the question is actually “ is it reasonable to expect BIL to have her stay with him rather than stay with us”.

We can’t answer that. Generally, it’s not reasonable to expect or demand that anybody host anybody. But if the relationship is good, it certainly is reasonable to suggest it.

Yes, the question is whether it is reasonable for BIL to have MIL stay with him and bring her over on Christmas since my family will be at our house.

Good lord your anxiety is off the charts. Take a deep breath, eat a gummy, do something about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your post is very confusing op. What do you want to have happen for Christmas? What are the objections you’re seeing or anticipating from others?

I just reread the post and it doesn’t sound confusing to be but I’m the one who wrote it.

In years past, we would usually take turns with my parents and in laws whether they visited us or we would visit them. My BIL (DH’s brother) did not live locally and would either join us at my house or his parents’ house or do his own thing. BIL now lives near us. Because my family is coming to our house, I want my MIL to stay with BIL at his house and come to our house for Christmas since our house is already full.

I think I unnecessarily feel guilty about MIL. If her son (BIL) doesn’t want to host (let her stay at his house), we should not feel bad or guilty that she doesn’t come this year but I feel bad. I’m considering switching our holiday plans now to just visit my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We prefer all out of town guests to stay in a nearby hotel.

It's also what we do when we travel to visit family and friends..

I wish I could get away with this with my inlaws. Christmas to New Year has become my least favorite time of the year. They stay with us. They want to drive my car because they don't rent one. They are noisy at night, and I have young kids whose regular bedtime is 7. I'm in therapy, working on strategies to enjoy holidays with my kids under the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I assume the question is actually “ is it reasonable to expect BIL to have her stay with him rather than stay with us”.

We can’t answer that. Generally, it’s not reasonable to expect or demand that anybody host anybody. But if the relationship is good, it certainly is reasonable to suggest it.

Yes, the question is whether it is reasonable for BIL to have MIL stay with him and bring her over on Christmas since my family will be at our house.

Absolutely!! Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We prefer all out of town guests to stay in a nearby hotel.

It's also what we do when we travel to visit family and friends..

I wish I could get away with this with my inlaws. Christmas to New Year has become my least favorite time of the year. They stay with us. They want to drive my car because they don't rent one. They are noisy at night, and I have young kids whose regular bedtime is 7. I'm in therapy, working on strategies to enjoy holidays with my kids under the circumstances.

Work on being a drama queen too.

[Anonymous]

Why would this not be okay? My parents are local. When my in-laws who live several hours away come for the holidays they stay at our house. My parents still come over for Christmas dinner and to open presents. My parents and ILs are friendly and happy to be together as a large family. In fact, whenever my ILs come to stay with us my parents tend to come over for at least a dinner to say hello.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is very confusing op. What do you want to have happen for Christmas? What are the objections you’re seeing or anticipating from others?

I just reread the post and it doesn’t sound confusing to be but I’m the one who wrote it.

In years past, we would usually take turns with my parents and in laws whether they visited us or we would visit them. My BIL (DH’s brother) did not live locally and would either join us at my house or his parents’ house or do his own thing. BIL now lives near us. Because my family is coming to our house, I want my MIL to stay with BIL at his house and come to our house for Christmas since our house is already full.

I think I unnecessarily feel guilty about MIL. If her son (BIL) doesn’t want to host (let her stay at his house), we should not feel bad or guilty that she doesn’t come this year but I feel bad. I’m considering switching our holiday plans now to just visit my family.

Do you have any reason to believe that he won't let his mother stay at his house? Or are you just overthinking? It seems very logical that she would stay with her other son if your house is already full.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is very confusing op. What do you want to have happen for Christmas? What are the objections you’re seeing or anticipating from others?

I just reread the post and it doesn’t sound confusing to be but I’m the one who wrote it.

In years past, we would usually take turns with my parents and in laws whether they visited us or we would visit them. My BIL (DH’s brother) did not live locally and would either join us at my house or his parents’ house or do his own thing. BIL now lives near us. Because my family is coming to our house, I want my MIL to stay with BIL at his house and come to our house for Christmas since our house is already full.

I think I unnecessarily feel guilty about MIL. If her son (BIL) doesn’t want to host (let her stay at his house), we should not feel bad or guilty that she doesn’t come this year but I feel bad. I’m considering switching our holiday plans now to just visit my family.

How selfish. How much work is 2 extra for dinner?

[Anonymous]

Seems like you are hesitant to even ask? Why is that?

[Anonymous]

It's not just 2 for dinner It's an extra houseguest. Just bail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your post is very confusing op. What do you want to have happen for Christmas? What are the objections you’re seeing or anticipating from others?

I just reread the post and it doesn’t sound confusing to be but I’m the one who wrote it.

In years past, we would usually take turns with my parents and in laws whether they visited us or we would visit them. My BIL (DH’s brother) did not live locally and would either join us at my house or his parents’ house or do his own thing. BIL now lives near us. Because my family is coming to our house, I want my MIL to stay with BIL at his house and come to our house for Christmas since our house is already full.

I think I unnecessarily feel guilty about MIL. If her son (BIL) doesn’t want to host (let her stay at his house), we should not feel bad or guilty that she doesn’t come this year but I feel bad. I’m considering switching our holiday plans now to just visit my family.

What has been discussed to date? I would have DH tell his mother that your parents are staying with you and he would love to see her but there is no room in your house but he would be happy to help her look for other arrangements. Then, it is on MIL to decide if she wants DH to book her a hotel, or to ask her other son to host her. YOU should not be asking your BIL to host her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you are hesitant to even ask? Why is that?

BIL has never hosted his mom since becoming an adult. The excuses are he was busy with school or work. There is always some text he had to prepare for. Then his place was too small. He didn’t have a guest room. He is going out of town himself that weekend. He has run out of excuses. BIL just doesn’t want his mom to visit him.

[Anonymous]

We host everyone at our house, but we have the space for that.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t this your husband’s mom?