I’m lost on how it’s their business

[Anonymous]

Seriously, after getting married normal people don't cut their parents off. Oftentimes arrangements who works and who doesn't and how much affects grandparent input, both timewise and financially. Sure, if nothing can be discussed, then hopefully you're not expecting anything from the older generation either. The fact that you want to hide what you're actually up to doesn't sound good. It's normal for parents to know where their adult children work, after all, they paid for their college?! If you don't understand why it's their business, you don't understand how a normal family works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, after getting married normal people don't cut their parents off. Oftentimes arrangements who works and who doesn't and how much affects grandparent input, both timewise and financially. Sure, if nothing can be discussed, then hopefully you're not expecting anything from the older generation either. The fact that you want to hide what you're actually up to doesn't sound good. It's normal for parents to know where their adult children work, after all, they paid for their college?! If you don't understand why it's their business, you don't understand how a normal family works.

Who said anything about cutting parents off? That’s your narrative. Not butting into your child’s marriage I would hardly call cutting them off.

I could understand like another poster mentioned if MIL had to get involved bc she was childcare for grandchildren and the way they run their household affected her in the sense of her being the childcare plan for the grandchildren. Or if the grandchildren were in some sort of danger or something bc they are minors but a grown man has advocacy for himself unlike grandchildren who are minors and he is a big boy and doesn’t need his mother butting in. Let the husband and wife work it out.

You say it like there is one extreme or the other. Not allowing your parent to butt into your marriage doesn’t mean they are completely cut off. Haven’t you heard of a middle ground before?

[Anonymous]

OP is misdirecting her anger to her MIL instead of her DH.

[Anonymous]

Well, looks like husband and wife are unable to work their things out then, isn't it? It's common in relationships when relationship is wonky to seek advice from the outside and the mom may be one of the confidants, like a friend. The MIL cannot really butt anywhere unless DH lets her or confides in her. MIL is a human being like any other and has her own opinions about the matters told to her. You seem not to like that, but then again, seems that you're unable to solve whatever the issues are between yourself and your DH. Looks like your DH is not a "big boy" and is unable to "advocate" for himself, otherwise this "butting in" business wouldn't be a big deal.

[Anonymous]

It reads to me like OL isn’t talking about circumstances when the husband goes to his mother but circumstances of MIL talking to her son unprompted by him questioning what is going on in the marriage. Most likely trying to buy trouble in the marriage. Questioning how things are done in their marriage and in their household.

The first while isn’t the best case scenario either is a whole lot different than her giving her advice unsolicited and butting in unsolicited

[Anonymous]

OP*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say it louder for the people in the back- true feminism is supporting women in ALL their choices, not just the ones you agree with.

Yup exactly. It was mentioned in another thread how some MILs would love it if their DILs stayed home because it would support their son’s career and I’m like holy shit what!?!! So even in 2024 a woman’s sole purpose is to smile and nod and make things easier for the man so he can move up in the corporate ladder?? If my MIL only saw me as that I would be so hurt. Luckily my MIL sees me as a full person and member of her family with so much to offer.

So weird for me to hear there are MILS like this. My MIL wanted me to go back to work after having twins so that her son wouldn’t be the only person ‘who has to work.’ Granted he’s a physician who does pretty well financially so money was not a concern for us.

I got snide passive aggressive comments from MIL constantly when I decided to stay home for a few years. For example, bragging about a family friend who has an Ivy MBA, works on Wall Street and has 4 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, that's pretty hilarious coming from a Brit, given their upper class has a centuries-long tradition of not raising their own children.

She’s obviously not upper class, hence those comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is misdirecting her anger to her MIL instead of her DH.

I think so too. It sounds like the DH complained about his wife to his mom. OP should talk to him and they should find a solution that works for both of them.