I’m lost on how it’s their business

[Anonymous]

Just keep in mind that these rules about restricting e=what information is available to MILs apply to your other too. She is, after all, a nosy MIL.

[Anonymous]

DP. Well husband is choosing to work 60 hours so if this bothers him maybe he should ones of tattling and running to mommy he should discuss a better arrangement with his wife so he can feel less stressed. What is his mother going to do besides pat him on the head and say poor baby.

I would definitely be telling my husband if you are stressed or unhappy with our arrangement please don’t go to mother talk to your wife bc I’m the one who can help and make some rearrangements

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just keep in mind that these rules about restricting e=what information is available to MILs apply to your other too. She is, after all, a nosy MIL.

Give the information fine but how a husband and wife arrange their business as a household isn’t for MIL to comment on. Her son is now a married man and his primary family has switched over to his wife and child.

[Anonymous]

But it’s ok for a mother and daughter to sit pool side or side by side getting pedicures while her daughter vents that her busband does nothing to help with the kids and her own mom shows her sympathy or makes comments such as he needs to step up more. But god forbid a husband goes to his mom to vent suddenly it’s undermining his marriage or how dare his mom get involved. Is a husband also not allowed to be a son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say it louder for the people in the back- true feminism is supporting women in ALL their choices, not just the ones you agree with.

Even their voting choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A spin off of the other thread kinda:

When will MILs realize that how her son and DIL conduct their marriage is zero percent her business!? If the DIL stays at home and the son works 60 hours a week and they are HAPPY and that arrangement works for them then it’s between the 2 of them and any children they may have. If the DIL works 60 hours a week and the son stays home also not the MIL’s business. If the child is in daycare\preschool and the DIL and son both work also not MIL’s business. If the son works a lot of hours and they have no children and the DIL prefers to stay home to do a cartwheel everyday at 1 and 3 PM again not her business.

Why would the MIL’s default be to assume her son isn’t 100% ok in the arrangement of their marriage otherwise he would leave. Why treat men like they are poor poor helpless victims to meanie evil women. What is MIL’s business is her own household whether that is her and her husband, her and her wife, or her and her BF/GF, or her living alone. Her son has now grown up and moved on and has his own household and his marriage is his business.

Besides being a SAHM is a huuuge contribution. Saving money on an expensive daycare/preschool. Not to mention all the labor that the DIL is doing that doesn’t have to be outsourced for such as hiring a housekeeper, nanny, lawn maintenance person etc. which if both people in the marriage work and have kids they might not have time to do.

Also I find it ironic that MILs who are women themselves belittle another woman’s choice or look down on something. It sets the woman’s movement back so far.

Tell.me you are lazy without telling me you are lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A spin off of the other thread kinda:

When will MILs realize that how her son and DIL conduct their marriage is zero percent her business!? If the DIL stays at home and the son works 60 hours a week and they are HAPPY and that arrangement works for them then it’s between the 2 of them and any children they may have. If the DIL works 60 hours a week and the son stays home also not the MIL’s business. If the child is in daycare\preschool and the DIL and son both work also not MIL’s business. If the son works a lot of hours and they have no children and the DIL prefers to stay home to do a cartwheel everyday at 1 and 3 PM again not her business.

Why would the MIL’s default be to assume her son isn’t 100% ok in the arrangement of their marriage otherwise he would leave. Why treat men like they are poor poor helpless victims to meanie evil women. What is MIL’s business is her own household whether that is her and her husband, her and her wife, or her and her BF/GF, or her living alone. Her son has now grown up and moved on and has his own household and his marriage is his business.

Besides being a SAHM is a huuuge contribution. Saving money on an expensive daycare/preschool. Not to mention all the labor that the DIL is doing that doesn’t have to be outsourced for such as hiring a housekeeper, nanny, lawn maintenance person etc. which if both people in the marriage work and have kids they might not have time to do.

Also I find it ironic that MILs who are women themselves belittle another woman’s choice or look down on something. It sets the woman’s movement back so far.

Tell.me you are lazy without telling me you are lazy.

Lazy doesn’t make it MIL’s business. Her son is grown and am married. Let it be his problem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But it’s ok for a mother and daughter to sit pool side or side by side getting pedicures while her daughter vents that her busband does nothing to help with the kids and her own mom shows her sympathy or makes comments such as he needs to step up more. But god forbid a husband goes to his mom to vent suddenly it’s undermining his marriage or how dare his mom get involved. Is a husband also not allowed to be a son?

Nope. Man up Beta Boy.

[Anonymous]

You really don't get it, do you. You're running your husband to the ground and he has complained about this to his mother. Obviously you couldn't care less as otherwise it'd not be an issue. Talking to his mom is not making him a beta boy, women know women better than men. She knows you say one thing and do another. If the marriage communication was so smooth as you imagine, there'd be no divorces. In reality, men don't like to complain, build resentment and walk out when they cannot take it any more. He doesn't need to tell you working 60 h a week is too much. You have eyes. You can speak. The fact that you don't has made your DH feel that you don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But it’s ok for a mother and daughter to sit pool side or side by side getting pedicures while her daughter vents that her busband does nothing to help with the kids and her own mom shows her sympathy or makes comments such as he needs to step up more. But god forbid a husband goes to his mom to vent suddenly it’s undermining his marriage or how dare his mom get involved. Is a husband also not allowed to be a son?

Sure he is. The MIL should limit her comments to her son, however, and not comment to her DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh yea wanted to add being a busybody and going behind your DIL’s back to ask your son about why or how or the reasons behind their marital arrangement is also wayyy out of line. Sad though that actually needs to be said.

So, OP, your mother knows nothing about how or why you and your husband have arranged things as you have and she has not opined on or mentioned that?

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty ironic that you are claiming to be a feminist and yet painting all women of a certain age and marriage/parental status with a broad brush.

Women need to be treated as individuals, and not stereotyped.

MIL's are women.

Therefore . . . .

Complain all you want about your own specific MIL, but don't assume the others are the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, that's pretty hilarious coming from a Brit, given their upper class has a centuries-long tradition of not raising their own children.

Perhaps seeing the results of that led her to the conclusion that it’s better for children to be raised by family instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it’s ok for a mother and daughter to sit pool side or side by side getting pedicures while her daughter vents that her busband does nothing to help with the kids and her own mom shows her sympathy or makes comments such as he needs to step up more. But god forbid a husband goes to his mom to vent suddenly it’s undermining his marriage or how dare his mom get involved. Is a husband also not allowed to be a son?

Sure he is. The MIL should limit her comments to her son, however, and not comment to her DIL.

And the son shouldn’t betray his wife who is supposed to be the closest person to him by running to his mom about her. If he has issues with his wife and the household arrangements then she is the best person to take it up with. What can his mom do for him besides cause tension in their marriage bc the wife feels hurt and betrayed? He can be son in so many other ways that don’t involve talking about his wife behind her back. Talk about the weather, what’s going on in his personal life, politics, what’s going on in MIL’s life. It’s really not that hard to not complain about your wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But it’s ok for a mother and daughter to sit pool side or side by side getting pedicures while her daughter vents that her busband does nothing to help with the kids and her own mom shows her sympathy or makes comments such as he needs to step up more. But god forbid a husband goes to his mom to vent suddenly it’s undermining his marriage or how dare his mom get involved. Is a husband also not allowed to be a son?

Sure he is. The MIL should limit her comments to her son, however, and not comment to her DIL.

And the son shouldn’t betray his wife who is supposed to be the closest person to him by running to his mom about her. If he has issues with his wife and the household arrangements then she is the best person to take it up with. What can his mom do for him besides cause tension in their marriage bc the wife feels hurt and betrayed? He can be son in so many other ways that don’t involve talking about his wife behind her back. Talk about the weather, what’s going on in his personal life, politics, what’s going on in MIL’s life. It’s really not that hard to not complain about your wife

Of course you have never, ever, ever complained about your spouse to ANYone other than your spouse. Right.