How to respond about the mean kid saying something mean

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WHY won't OP come back and tell us how old this kid is?

OP here. They are 13/14. My DD is a starter and I think this girl (who doesn’t start) wants my DD’s position. The girl is subbed in for my daughter late in games and isn’t that good. My DD is very very sensitive and yes we are working on it and have been. In a battle of words with this other girl, DD would surely lose.

My question was more how do I convince DD this girl’s opinion is not important and DD should not care what she thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is on a sports team. OP, you’re getting some very bad advice in here. Tread carefully. I’d take it to sports forum. You’re getting a lot of young parents or parents of unathletic kids.

Agreed. Most of these comments sound like they are coming fro parents of 5 year olds on rec leagues and posters who have never played a sport. None of the comments were mean or bullying. People clearly don't even know what those words mean anymore.

+1

At our club, they really encourage the girls to tell each other where they need to be and speak to each other in the field, but some girls just can’t handle it and think they’re being targeted/being targeted of bullying. How Are these kids going to thrive in the rail world? If someone keeps telling your kid they’re in the wrong spot/position, Maybe they need to stop having a victim mentality and figure out where they should actually be.

OP here, no that is not what is happening in this case. But I get what you are saying.

[Anonymous]

I think your DD needs a one liner she’s comfortable with that she can just repeat no matter what this girl says. “Always looking to improve, thanks for the input” or something like that. This technique is very helpful in difficult conversations. You have one immovable position. Just repeat it no matter what crazy comes at u.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your DD needs a one liner she’s comfortable with that she can just repeat no matter what this girl says. “Always looking to improve, thanks for the input” or something like that. This technique is very helpful in difficult conversations. You have one immovable position. Just repeat it no matter what crazy comes at u.

OP here. I like this. I don’t know if DD will do it, but I’ll suggest it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your DD needs a one liner she’s comfortable with that she can just repeat no matter what this girl says. “Always looking to improve, thanks for the input” or something like that. This technique is very helpful in difficult conversations. You have one immovable position. Just repeat it no matter what crazy comes at u.

OP here. I like this. I don’t know if DD will do it, but I’ll suggest it.

If she’s so upset she’s in tears about this girl when she gets home she’ll need something shorter to get it out without breaking. “Thanks!” Or “got it!” Might be better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHY won't OP come back and tell us how old this kid is?

OP here. They are 13/14. My DD is a starter and I think this girl (who doesn’t start) wants my DD’s position. The girl is subbed in for my daughter late in games and isn’t that good. My DD is very very sensitive and yes we are working on it and have been. In a battle of words with this other girl, DD would surely lose.

My question was more how do I convince DD this girl’s opinion is not important and DD should not care what she thinks.

Again, why is the coach allowing this to happen? It’s poor team management. If this were an NFL team, the 2nd string QB and the special teamers wouldn’t be talking to the starting QB and the WR1 that way. You and your daughter together need to talk with the coach unless there’s some other reason you think this might be happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your DD needs a one liner she’s comfortable with that she can just repeat no matter what this girl says. “Always looking to improve, thanks for the input” or something like that. This technique is very helpful in difficult conversations. You have one immovable position. Just repeat it no matter what crazy comes at u.

OP here. I like this. I don’t know if DD will do it, but I’ll suggest it.

The key is something she’s comfortable saying which doesn’t let the bully know she’s upset.

Two of my kids played high level travel sports. I’m surprised to hear people saying this is normal for non rec. None of our coaches ever tolerated sua sponte criticism from one teammate to another. While they might have people pair off or group up to work on a skill or play, players don’t coach. And teammates are expected to be supportive and take grievances to coaching staff. Period.

[Anonymous]

I would have dealt with this by dominating this other player on the field. And/or maybe running into her a bit too hard here or there. But I didn’t suffer fools and was good.

I think a quick “oh wow thanks for your input!” can do wonders. Often the aggressor in these situations is thriving off NOT getting a response. Something to show she’s annoyed AF at the comments can help recalibrate. Even a loud “THANKS BRITTANY SO HELPFUL” can work. Brittany will then act like your DD is so dramatic, but will also most likely back down.

[Anonymous]

We steal a line from Taylor swift. ‘The trash takes itself out every time’. That’s the line we use to encourage 12 yr old DD to ignore toxic behavior.

[Anonymous]

DS has a kid like this on his team, who’s quick to loudly call out every time his teammates lose the ball or miss a shot (thirty seconds before he does the exact same thing himself). DS usually responds with something along the lines of “wayyyyyy ahead of you there” or “no, REALLY?” to let him know that his Captain Obvious commentary isn’t helpful. Kids know when they’ve screwed up. They don’t need a play by play announcer informing the world.

There’s a difference between constructive feedback and mindless negativity. Imagine if a co-worker stood over you in the workplace, criticizing your every move. Your ability to do your job would suffer.