DD just blew $400 at Sephora

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand when parents give their children access to their credit or debit cards and then get upset when they use them unwisely.

Right. I mean 16-year-olds are impulsive. And dumb. This is on OP.

Nah. My 17 yo would never do this.

[Anonymous]

Is your daughter an autist?

[Anonymous]

She needs to return it! And it's time for her to have her own bank account with her own money in it she can learn what to do with it while feeling some personal responsibility. My dcs have that. They work and get a certain amount transferred quarterly. That money is used for "fun, extra" anything. My dd saves almost all of it. Ds spends it more, sometimes on stuff I don't approve of because it seems silly to me, but it is his money, his business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should I make her return it all?

YES. All of it.

Agree. And I’d cut off her access to Apple Pay. She obviously can’t be trusted.

[Anonymous]

First make sure there isn't some mistake on the part of the clerk, and things weren't counted twice. Did she pay for her friend's items?

Second. You need to educate your kid about your finances and how much things cost. I trained my kids early on to be aware of prices and how much we could afford. As teens, they would never do this. I don't want them to get jobs unless it's in the summer, so it's not like they've had much experience with earning their own money. Children don't need that particular experience to be careful with their parents' money. They need things explained, that's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% return it. That's a LOT of money. One of my DD's friends (13) did this when my husband took the girls shopping--not $400 but something like $150 on Drunk Elephant products. The parents made her take it back.

If a teenager thinks she needs skin care products that badly, take them to a dermatologist and get a prescription.

ALSO, her Apple Pay should NOT be linked to your account. That's just asking for trouble. What if it was $400 or more on something unreturnable? Get her her own bank account that is linked to yours so you can transfer money as needed but she can't spend more than she has.

Seconding this! My kids can use Apple Pay with money from a separate account that is linked to mine. I only send money into their account when they earn it, or for specific purchases that they clear through me in advance. My kids also recognize how much unnecessary consumption goes on with many of their peers, because that sort of thing doesn't fly in my house. They have friends who only wear things once, who purchase stuff and then "get tired of it" almost immediately, purchase luxury/overpriced cosmetics (drunk elephant, anyone?). I don't deprive my kids, but I also want them to appreciate and take care of what they have, not be wasteful, and not be generally entitled pricks like some of the neighborhood kids seem to be turning into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who shops at Sephora regularly, $400 isn't outrageous. 16 is about the time that girls become obsessed with makeup. I would be upset about every purchase of that size that didn't get my prior approval and not because it was makeup. Did you communicate with her about what she can charge to your card?

This, but my kids would know they could not do that. They use Apple Cash that is funded by their own allowance (their age in dollars each week) and when they get gifts of cash or gift cards they don't want, I will trade them for Apple Cash (assuming I want the gift card). Heck, DH and I do not typically spend $400 without mentioning it to the other!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should I make her return it all?

YES. All of it.

Agree. And I’d cut off her access to Apple Pay. She obviously can’t be trusted.

+1000 same! She can't be trusted at all. She should have known better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hell to the no
My kid would be:
She will return
All by herself
And she would take a Dave Ramsey course on the weekends

dramatic much

It doesn't sound like OP had a discussion with her DD about what's allowed and how to spend money. So I'd start there.

That's an interesting take.

How about the fact that this kid has zero money of her own and going into a store, automatically thinks $400 is a perfectly acceptable amount to spend. Sounds like she thinks it's Monopoly money.

It sounds like she was allowed to use the card for dinner, etc? The OP seemed to think spending $100 at Sephora would have been fine but spending $400 was way too much and I don’t see how the kid would have known that without being told. That’s a pretty fine line.

Seriously? Man, some of y'all have low LOW expectations of your kid's intelligence/common sense.

My daughter is two years younger than OP's daughter, and I will occasionally give her my credit card if she's going out with friends and the activity will require money (mostly bc I never have cash on me). Like last night she and her friends went to a HS soccer game and I gave her my CC with the direction that she was free to use it if she and her friends wanted to walk to get dinner afterwards...it did not even cross my mind to instruct her that by "dinner" I meant a $20 for pizza and a drink at &pizza or something...not a $100 three course meal at some sit down restaurant on Bethesda Row. Because common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Importantly, did she get a bag or two?

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why a job, even just in the summer or babysitting, is so good for kids. If you make $15 an hour, the $400 is more than 26 hours of work. So it becomes a calculation of “if this worth 26+ hours of my time”.

Yes, for the most part, I think spending habits once you put hours of work to a purchase. (I say for the most part because my parents were pretty controlling and spending was just one area. Getting a job was liberating and I spent freely at first.)

[Anonymous]

My kids have Apple Pay linked to parent cards. Many of their friends do too. I don’t think that’s the issue. The issue is that OP’s DD thought this meant carte Blanche spending for her. Apple Pay must be given with limitations.

[Anonymous]

Come on OP at 16 she should have known better. She needs to return all of it today before she starts using it all. Deal with this head on right now. Don't waste time on here. When schools over take her to return it all. Remove her off apple pay right now. Problem solved. Report back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really need to have a conversation about what expectations for spending are. This has nothing to do with Sephora.

This.

All stores are designed to separate people from their money, and your daughter doesn't seem to have any basic understanding of capitalism or budgeting.

I get not wanting your kid to work outside the home, but that shouldn't mean she just thinks things are free for the shopping.

Have her figure out how long it would take her to pay that back at a rate comparable to what she'd make at a job she could get, and then have her tell you how much of it she's going to return. She can work for you around the house to "work off" the rest.

But you need to look at yourself, OP, because the blame rests on you for both enabling your kid w/ access to your card w/o a hardline limit, and not having some basic talks about what money is worth and how to protect and preserve your assets.

Some remedial financial education seems needed here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hell to the no
My kid would be:
She will return
All by herself
And she would take a Dave Ramsey course on the weekends

dramatic much

It doesn't sound like OP had a discussion with her DD about what's allowed and how to spend money. So I'd start there.

That's an interesting take.

How about the fact that this kid has zero money of her own and going into a store, automatically thinks $400 is a perfectly acceptable amount to spend. Sounds like she thinks it's Monopoly money.

This is something kids need to be told and don't instinctively know most of the time.

Sure... but you tell them *before* they have access to the money. Not after they've spent it!