Are college freshman struggling more now than decades ago?

[Anonymous]

DD first year at HYPSM and I asked her the other day if she likes the school. Her response was I don’t dislike it. I asked her how friendships are forming and her response was she hasn’t found anyone to be super close but has folks to do homework with, goto parties on the weekend with but again no one she see as a close friendship to form. I asked about who she eats lunch with and said that time is used to catch up on homework so she said most folks don’t really eat with some but if she has time and schedules align she might occasionally eat lunch with someone. She eats dinner with her teammates after practice. I asked her how classes were going and her response was she picked an “academically rigorous school that is actually academically rigorous.” She says the mentality is work hard play hard at her school. I say this all to say is she seems to go out, engage others but still hasn’t found her people nor does she dislike or like the school just yet. I hope it all clicks soon but it will clearly take someone time. More than what others might tend to believe from their own experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids at SEC schools like Alabama, Georgia, and Tennessee aren't having the problems described in this thread. They're having fun, loving life, tailgating and watching great football. And the academics are much better than they get credit for. Something to think about as your kids, perhaps as your behest, stress themselves out in high school and make themselves miserable to get into an "elite" college where they'll just be even more stressed out and miserable.

This post is getting ragged on, but there's a lot of truth to it. My kid along with many of the cool kids from his high school gravitated to the SEC, eschewing higher-ranked "striver" schools. The more academic ones shot for Vandy, the next tier ended up at Florida and Georgia, and the run-of-the-mill, all-American, above-average types are happy at UTK, UofSC, Bama, and Auburn. I don't know of a single one who is crying in their dorm room, depressed because they miss home and aren't making friends. These kids all have magnetic personalities and are crushing it socially. I'm not sure if SEC schools bring out the best in their students' social skills or if they simply self-select for the cream of the crop in coolness. But whatever it is, the happiness gap among college kids in the South and the rest of the country is real.

[Anonymous]

I have a Freshmen at an Ivy who hit the ground running. Met a ton of friends during orientation. Gets along great with his roommate. Plays a club sport and goes to the gym and other campus events, hangs out in other dorms, etc.

He told me he’s basically never in his room. I was happy to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a Freshmen at an Ivy who hit the ground running. Met a ton of friends during orientation. Gets along great with his roommate. Plays a club sport and goes to the gym and other campus events, hangs out in other dorms, etc.

He told me he’s basically never in his room. I was happy to hear.

^ he says he loves college. He was really sick of HS 1/2 way thru senior year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids at SEC schools like Alabama, Georgia, and Tennessee aren't having the problems described in this thread. They're having fun, loving life, tailgating and watching great football. And the academics are much better than they get credit for. Something to think about as your kids, perhaps as your behest, stress themselves out in high school and make themselves miserable to get into an "elite" college where they'll just be even more stressed out and miserable.

This post is getting ragged on, but there's a lot of truth to it. My kid along with many of the cool kids from his high school gravitated to the SEC, eschewing higher-ranked "striver" schools. The more academic ones shot for Vandy, the next tier ended up at Florida and Georgia, and the run-of-the-mill, all-American, above-average types are happy at UTK, UofSC, Bama, and Auburn. I don't know of a single one who is crying in their dorm room, depressed because they miss home and aren't making friends. These kids all have magnetic personalities and are crushing it socially. I'm not sure if SEC schools bring out the best in their students' social skills or if they simply self-select for the cream of the crop in coolness. But whatever it is, the happiness gap among college kids in the South and the rest of the country is real.

I see this in my kid's friends at Michigan, Indiana, Wisconsin and Colorado-Boulder. Perhaps its a Div 1, football team and fall that brings out the rah-rah fun?

[Anonymous]

My kid seems to be doing great, but he is very mindful of how expensive the school is and what job he can get after college. I find it a little sad he has to be so aware of the “cost/benefit” of college, rather than just enjoy learning and exploring, but I guess that’s the reality for the vast majority of human kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids at SEC schools like Alabama, Georgia, and Tennessee aren't having the problems described in this thread. They're having fun, loving life, tailgating and watching great football. And the academics are much better than they get credit for. Something to think about as your kids, perhaps as your behest, stress themselves out in high school and make themselves miserable to get into an "elite" college where they'll just be even more stressed out and miserable.

This post is getting ragged on, but there's a lot of truth to it. My kid along with many of the cool kids from his high school gravitated to the SEC, eschewing higher-ranked "striver" schools. The more academic ones shot for Vandy, the next tier ended up at Florida and Georgia, and the run-of-the-mill, all-American, above-average types are happy at UTK, UofSC, Bama, and Auburn. I don't know of a single one who is crying in their dorm room, depressed because they miss home and aren't making friends. These kids all have magnetic personalities and are crushing it socially. I'm not sure if SEC schools bring out the best in their students' social skills or if they simply self-select for the cream of the crop in coolness. But whatever it is, the happiness gap among college kids in the South and the rest of the country is real.

Alabama accepts 70%+…why sugar coat that the all-American, perfectly average and below average kids attend.

[Anonymous]

I think I would've been unhappy at a school like Bama, but I do think there's some truth to the idea that heterogeneity in academic ability among the students might contribute to a happier environment. The smart kids can feel all the smarter in comparison, rather than struggling with imposter syndrome, and if academics are getting to be too much, there are plenty of kids to spend time with doing other things.

[Anonymous]

Go to the Professors subreddit, OP. It’s eye opening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD first year at HYPSM and I asked her the other day if she likes the school. Her response was I don’t dislike it. I asked her how friendships are forming and her response was she hasn’t found anyone to be super close but has folks to do homework with, goto parties on the weekend with but again no one she see as a close friendship to form. I asked about who she eats lunch with and said that time is used to catch up on homework so she said most folks don’t really eat with some but if she has time and schedules align she might occasionally eat lunch with someone. She eats dinner with her teammates after practice. I asked her how classes were going and her response was she picked an “academically rigorous school that is actually academically rigorous.” She says the mentality is work hard play hard at her school. I say this all to say is she seems to go out, engage others but still hasn’t found her people nor does she dislike or like the school just yet. I hope it all clicks soon but it will clearly take someone time. More than what others might tend to believe from their own experiences.

The lunch thing is sad but my son reports the same thing. I asked who he eats lunch with, and he said most of the kids eat alone and do work or read or scroll their phones. It is so different from when I was in college and probably ate lunch alone a handful of times in four years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids at SEC schools like Alabama, Georgia, and Tennessee aren't having the problems described in this thread. They're having fun, loving life, tailgating and watching great football. And the academics are much better than they get credit for. Something to think about as your kids, perhaps as your behest, stress themselves out in high school and make themselves miserable to get into an "elite" college where they'll just be even more stressed out and miserable.

This post is getting ragged on, but there's a lot of truth to it. My kid along with many of the cool kids from his high school gravitated to the SEC, eschewing higher-ranked "striver" schools. The more academic ones shot for Vandy, the next tier ended up at Florida and Georgia, and the run-of-the-mill, all-American, above-average types are happy at UTK, UofSC, Bama, and Auburn. I don't know of a single one who is crying in their dorm room, depressed because they miss home and aren't making friends. These kids all have magnetic personalities and are crushing it socially. I'm not sure if SEC schools bring out the best in their students' social skills or if they simply self-select for the cream of the crop in coolness. But whatever it is, the happiness gap among college kids in the South and the rest of the country is real.

You sound like you're either a high schooler/college freshman yourself or peaked at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love that everyone answering this thread is literally part of the problem. We, as parents, did this. We are not willing to change it either. God forbid there is an illusion that another kid or group of kids will get a leg up on your kid. Criticize the methods of other parents and the related behaviors without taking any accountability. Declare a handful of schools "worthy" and put down other kids and families who can't or don't want the "top" schools.

Take a look in the mirror, everyone! You're supporting this nonsense, voting for people who support this nonsense, pay obscene amounts of money for it all too. What are you willing to do to stop it? Are you willing to tell your middle school kid that it's ridiculous to travel across the country to play sports? Are you willing to tell your kid that taking 12 APs is too much and you'd like them to get a job, do chores at home, and hang out with siblings instead? Are you willing to forego paid college essay consultants for a less eloquent essay?

I do none of those things. But my kids do still feel anxiety from comparing themselves to peers. They also talk about the kids whose parents are relentless and the toll it takes on the kids. It’s parents. But it’s also society. It’s parents being overly anxious that their kids will only get one shot at having a decent standard of living. It’s colleges having ever exceeding high expectations. I think society as a whole feels this sense of…doom? unease? AI, political turmoil, climate change, corporate greed… all these things we feel we can’t control. So we (general societal we) try to control what we can?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids at SEC schools like Alabama, Georgia, and Tennessee aren't having the problems described in this thread. They're having fun, loving life, tailgating and watching great football. And the academics are much better than they get credit for. Something to think about as your kids, perhaps as your behest, stress themselves out in high school and make themselves miserable to get into an "elite" college where they'll just be even more stressed out and miserable.

This post is getting ragged on, but there's a lot of truth to it. My kid along with many of the cool kids from his high school gravitated to the SEC, eschewing higher-ranked "striver" schools. The more academic ones shot for Vandy, the next tier ended up at Florida and Georgia, and the run-of-the-mill, all-American, above-average types are happy at UTK, UofSC, Bama, and Auburn. I don't know of a single one who is crying in their dorm room, depressed because they miss home and aren't making friends. These kids all have magnetic personalities and are crushing it socially. I'm not sure if SEC schools bring out the best in their students' social skills or if they simply self-select for the cream of the crop in coolness. But whatever it is, the happiness gap among college kids in the South and the rest of the country is real.

I see this in my kid's friends at Michigan, Indiana, Wisconsin and Colorado-Boulder. Perhaps its a Div 1, football team and fall that brings out the rah-rah fun?

No. It's that the kids are more balanced.

Not trying to be the VERY VERY BEST at everything. Want to have fun. Have interests/hobbies other than those designed to advance their standing or career (or gain admission to T10).

The pressure on the "strivers" is insane. It leaves a mark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD first year at HYPSM and I asked her the other day if she likes the school. Her response was I don’t dislike it. I asked her how friendships are forming and her response was she hasn’t found anyone to be super close but has folks to do homework with, goto parties on the weekend with but again no one she see as a close friendship to form. I asked about who she eats lunch with and said that time is used to catch up on homework so she said most folks don’t really eat with some but if she has time and schedules align she might occasionally eat lunch with someone. She eats dinner with her teammates after practice. I asked her how classes were going and her response was she picked an “academically rigorous school that is actually academically rigorous.” She says the mentality is work hard play hard at her school. I say this all to say is she seems to go out, engage others but still hasn’t found her people nor does she dislike or like the school just yet. I hope it all clicks soon but it will clearly take someone time. More than what others might tend to believe from their own experiences.

cry me a river. she is doing what she is supposed to be doing. she might or might not make close friends after a month (?!). what kind of crazy expectation is that?

i went to college more than 20 years ago and the closest person i found was my husband. i am not in touch with anyone else. college is not vacation. you are not supposed to be having so much fun or be happy - just ask any student in any other country. if you are taking your studies seriously, it's going to be a pretty tough time. if it's not, you are at a crappy college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Helicopter parents were very rare for previous generations. So were participation trophies.

Kids went off to college with a cheery wave from the driveway, not an angst filled send-off and dorm decoration.

I went to college in 1987 and my parents 100% dropped me off, moved me into my room after helping me unpack and make my bed, etc. There were parents everywhere at move in.

NP. Not me--in Aug 1985 I got dropped off at the front door to my dorm, had to carry my stuff up in 3 trips. No welcome, no friends, nothing. Then I proceeded to have the best 4 years of my life. Looking back, I can't believe my parents didn't park and move me in.