My mother thinks that I "don't work" because I am self-employed

[Anonymous]

I am self employed with a home office -WFH long before it was common. My in laws always thought I don't work and they can't understand how we can afford to pay our bills and buy things. It's hilarious and insulting that they don't believe I contribute financially. They suggest that I get a part time job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mother is very old school and she’s not going to change. Don’t be overly sensitive and just live your life as you have nothing to prove to her. If she brings it up just say you love your life and then change the subject.

+1. Your mom is stuck in old thinking patterns of life 65 years ago. You can't change her so adjust yourself. She's always going to see males as more valuable. She can't conceive of WFH so explaining won't help. Don't pick up calls during the day, call back in the evening, as you told her. Keep calls under 20 minutes.

[Anonymous]

11:42 here. When I said adjust yourself, OP, I was talking about accepting she's not changing and adjusting your reactions to it.

[Anonymous]

I work 40 hours per week from home for a traditional employer. I’m in meetings for a large part of the day and writing for the rest of the day, so I can’t futz around. The last time my mom visited during the work week she expressed shock that I don’t take naps every day, because I’m at home. I’m WORKING.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. I have my own consulting business (with employees) but work from home. I make 7 figures while DH makes about 1/4 of that. Everyone assumes he is the breadwinner.

We split our time between 2 houses and in the summer we have a lot of visitors at the beach. People are surprised that I have to work during the week.

I am well known in my field but don’t really talk much about my job much with friends/family so maybe that’s on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Guess which kid is going to look after your mother when she needs help?




Not you.

OP here. I'm not sure why you would draw this conclusion. Actually, my sister and I both take care of our mother. She is now terminally ill with cancer. However, her attitude toward our work situation has been the same for the past 15 years.

Are you high? This will 100% fall on OP because OP doesn’t have the “real job” (according to mom). European CEO sister will be way too busy and stressed and also shunt to the work towards OP which will cause friction between the sisters.

OB I’m a physician and have a very stressful job. Sometimes I talk about the fact that it’s stressful. About 12 years into my career and my mom asked me when I was going to “stop seeing patients and do something else“. I was like I’m sorry what? At that point I believe I still had like $200,000 to pay off on my student loans. It was such a weird question. I was like, this is what I do. It’s what I’m going to continue to do. I reigned in talking about the stress after that because I assumed that that was what triggered her odd reaction to me.

A lot of older folks have very preconceived cultural attitudes about work because I think the employment environment was very different back then (see the decline of pensions, etc.). I’m sorry to hear about your mom‘s cancer. Best of luck to you your family.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everybody for your input. It looks like several of you are in similar situations.

When I asked my mom why does she think that I don't work, even though I earn slightly more money than my sister (about the only metric that she understands), she said that it's because I don't have a reliable amount of income guaranteed to come in every month. I told her that here in the US an employment dies not mean a job guarantee, since you can be fired from one day to the other. I have more "job security " as a self-employed with dozens of clients.

[Anonymous]

Yes, except I earned far less than you per year in my business. I closed it this year because I am going through a difficult time health-wise. I do not listen to any feedback from anyone except my spouse regarding my work situation.

[Anonymous]

"I prefer to take clients at home instead of sharing space with the other girls. It's more sanitary"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everybody for your input. It looks like several of you are in similar situations.

When I asked my mom why does she think that I don't work, even though I earn slightly more money than my sister (about the only metric that she understands), she said that it's because I don't have a reliable amount of income guaranteed to come in every month. I told her that here in the US an employment dies not mean a job guarantee, since you can be fired from one day to the other. I have more "job security " as a self-employed with dozens of clients.

Call your mom every week. "Is Sis OK? I keep reading about layoffs at all these big companies."

[Anonymous]

I own a business and my mom asks me about it as if it was a hobby. My siblings work in offices at traditional companies. Because I don't have a boss and don't work in an office building, I don't "really" work, although I see clients 7 days a week, most weeks. I have to see clients when they can see me, so not a traditional 9-5 work situation. It's frustrating and demeaning, but I am so used to it now. DH is highly successful in his field, he owns his own firm and my parents see his job as traditional/normal but he works from home when he isn't at client sites. It's hilarious to me that we aren't seen by my mom through the same lens.

On the other hand, DH's mother and sister ask me whenever I see them if I am working and how much. They don't want me 'slacking' off and being a SAHM. It's so crazy, that it's funny to me. DH doesn't care whether I am SAHM or working mom. SMH at them.

[Anonymous]

Who cares?

I mean my dad and his wife think my step brother who is a part time teacher makes more than me (I am a corporate executive with a large company).