My mother thinks that I "don't work" because I am self-employed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My whole family thinks i don't work, even though I'm the founder and ceo of an international business AND me/ my business are sometimes in the need AND my family sees that.

It used to bother me but now i don't care. I don't respond to their calls or texts from 9-5 even when I'm just chilling

Sorry that should read "in the news"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom thinks odd things too. She wants my DH to validate things because he’s a man. Even if it’s my area of expertise and DH knows very little about it, she wants him to weigh in. She can’t move forward until DH says “sounds good” which he’s happy to do.

She calls me a “housewife” even though I’ve worked FT for 20 years.

If I work from home, she thinks I’m not working. She’ll call and start telling me a bunch of random stuff. Every time, I say “I’m working, can I call you tonight?” But if she’s visiting and DH is working from home, it’s a different story and she says he shouldn’t be disturbed.

Don't answer the phone when she calls during working hours. MY mom had crazy thoughts too. I stopped being available and explaining.

[Anonymous]

My aunt started to go little crazy at 45. Not her fault. Ignore her.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s weird you’re posting about this and she’s terminally ill.

Yes that would bother me and if she wasn’t terminally I’d tell her you make x dollars per hour and an average of x dollars a year. It sounds like maybe she’s never had a job and has no clue. Or if she has, what you make is probably many times more than what she made. My parents used to make dumb ass comments about my career but l realized they had no clue about what l do. I head a project with over 500 people on it and they had no clue. I told them a few details and that helped.

[Anonymous]

So you're hating yourself because you waited too long to have an absolute fit and list all the stressful responsibilities of a business-owner and underline you make a lot of money and are upper middle class. And then distance yourself from her for a bit to really make her understand that she can't keep disrespecting you like this.

But instead she has a terminal illness and needs you, so you can't tell her exactly what's on your mind, yet she continues to downplay your professional achievements.

Well... you should have done something forceful about that a long time ago, OP.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP. Grow up. Why do you care so much? Isn’t it time to stop competing with your sister and work on your self-esteem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does it matter?

She's allowed to be stupid.

+1
But I understand op. It's frustrating when someone, especially family, won't see reason. And much worse when it personally involves their impression of you. Still, you really can't fix this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Guess which kid is going to look after your mother when she needs help?




Not you.

OP here. I'm not sure why you would draw this conclusion. Actually, my sister and I both take care of our mother. She is now terminally ill with cancer. However, her attitude toward our work situation has been the same for the past 15 years.

Hmm. So you're saying this is actually not the big deal you make it out to be, and you actually have a great relationship with your mother... in which case, why did you create a thread on DCUM?

If you whine about something, we're going to give you solutions to bring you peace. There are lots of people who post on here with abusive or disrespectful relatives. It benefits them to distance themselves from the toxic people.

If you just wanted to hear sympathetic noises, sure: I'm sorry, OP, that your mother does not recognize your professional worth.

I much prefer these lower stakes threads over trauma posts.

[Anonymous]

With your sister's history this might also be a case of the prodigal child. She is praising her for surpassing low expectations whereas she may assume you know you did very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she can't comprehend, then just roll with it and agree with her nonsense. Yeah, mom, I'm just sitting on my ass today. Maybe you can join us in the ally for dinner next week. I can dig some sandwiches out of the dumpster.

I do a version of this and it takes the wind out of my mother’s sails.

If my mom was dying, though, I’d ignore it.

I’ve also been direct with my mom. I’ll say let’s move on to another topic, etc. If she doesn’t, then I leave. Her old topic used to be how horrible my dad was. I started leaving when her screaming began and that trained her pretty quick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The question you need to ask yourself is why her opinion matters so much to you. I get it she's your mother. That's certainly part of why it matters. But after 15 years and when you're a grown adult, why does it matter so much to you. That's your work. Getting to a place where you understand why you care and then moving toward not caring. You'll enjoy it and it will be liberating.

I published a book and my mother pretended she didn’t know. She did all kinds of hurtful things like that.

After a while, I stopped caring and stopped telling her things. That way, she could not cr-p all over my good news.

[Anonymous]

You definitely work, and you’ve done an amazing job building a successful business. You don’t work as hard day to day as your sister, right? Because you work part time and don’t report to a boss or an office. That’s what your mom means. It’s offensive for sure. But it might also help if you recognize the part that’s true. Your sister works longer, more difficult hours than you right now, for whatever that’s worth.

[Anonymous]

So she has a dated and stereotypical view of “work.” Likely common for her age when the workplace was a physical location without computers and without internet but with pensions and a loyalty to employer. You represent a workplace that’s foreign to her life’s experience.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t understand self employment and because you only work part time (regardless of how much $$ you make) she sees that as just a side job. I would let it slide since she is ill now.

[Anonymous]

Say "Mom, we've discussed this, remember? There's nothing else to say." Then ignore it.