Tweens on their devices at parties, play dates, sleepovers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is toxic.

Do not let your kids have social. At all.

Is Pinterest also toxic? My tween is asking me for it. I’ve banned instagram, TikTok and Snapchat of course.

NP. Yes. “Fitspo” is the nicer way of dressing up “Thinspo” and “pro-ana” culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed a growing trend around my daughter’s friends that they are bringing their phones and devices even to birthday parties, play dates/hangouts, and sleepovers. Your kids are zombies. You’ve robbed them of their childhoods. They are only 11-12 and already total zombies. Why would you send your kid with a LAPTOP and an iPhone to a sleepover?

Kids like to show off their screens and have everyone huddle around them.
how cool!

And DCUM likes to make fun of the sports families. Jokes on them for sure. Out there practicing 4 times and week and not on screens. Or doing sleep unders bc they have a morning game. Boy are they missing out of screen life.

Um, OK? LOL what are you so defensive about?

Anyway, when my girls have sleepovers, the other girls have phones or phone watches but they only use them to call or text parents to say goodnight. Otherwise they are just having fun, socializing and making memories.

It’s weird that you equate sports with no social life. I was on swim team and we had epic sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed a growing trend around my daughter’s friends that they are bringing their phones and devices even to birthday parties, play dates/hangouts, and sleepovers. Your kids are zombies. You’ve robbed them of their childhoods. They are only 11-12 and already total zombies. Why would you send your kid with a LAPTOP and an iPhone to a sleepover?

The irony of posting this here is palpable.

NP. Why? I talk about this kind of stuff to my friends in real life, but I also like DCUM. No reason not to engage in discussions person to person or via social media, as long as your life is balanced. I’ve found some great resources, support and answers on DCUM and in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid has a watch phone that can only text or call numbers that we preprogram/allow. I wouldn’t send her to a sleepover without that so she can call me in an emergency, but no way would I send her to a play date, birthday party, etc., with any device beyond that.

My 10yo daughter had a birthday party at a trampoline place, and her friend at least handed me the phone to keep safe while she played, but asked for it back when it was pizza time and didn’t look or talk to another kid during that time. She just ate and scrolled. She didn’t even sing “Happy Birthday.”

The other advantage to the watch is that it’s actually harder to text than on a phone, so in my experience, at least, they use it less.

Barely. They all compare apps and games and stupid stuff in their Apple Watches.

I have a parents photos from an 11th bday party and 3 girls including mine are all hunchbacked over their Apple Watches together in 6 of the 8 photos.

I showed her those and told her how rude that was and no more Apple Watch or hovering over others’ screens at parties. It’s insulting to the hosts and guests.

Thank you for posting this. In these forums it seems that everyone has the good kid and the addicted to screens are all the other children… and no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social media is toxic.

Do not let your kids have social. At all.

Is Pinterest also toxic? My tween is asking me for it. I’ve banned instagram, TikTok and Snapchat of course.

Pinterest is only toxic if you are opposed to teens committing suicide:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6791504/

[Anonymous]

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/molly-russell-suicide-death-coroner-social-media-instagram-pinterest/

[Anonymous]

I find that this is most common around age 11-13 when they all first get their phone but also when they are too old to “play” anymore but aren’t given the independence by their parents to go on adventures. They struggle with not knowing what to do and feeling awkward and screens are easy.

As a parent I’ve just said to a group of kids “hey let’s have some phone free time!” And they don’t seem to mind the reminder

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find that this is most common around age 11-13 when they all first get their phone but also when they are too old to “play” anymore but aren’t given the independence by their parents to go on adventures. They struggle with not knowing what to do and feeling awkward and screens are easy.

As a parent I’ve just said to a group of kids “hey let’s have some phone free time!” And they don’t seem to mind the reminder

The only thing that I agree with is parents not giving their kids freedom and independence anymore. But, they're kids, not "too old" to play and kids should be able to figure out what to do without screens.

[Anonymous]

It's best if your kids are friends with other kids who you actually know the parents of or who you are friends with. We talk about this and we'll text each other as needed so the kids don't need their phones.
As for sleepovers, we try to avoid those at all costs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My freshman doesn't know anyone in his lunch period and unfortunately most kids are on their phones then and not really meeting new people.

Now if they didn't have the phones, the kids who didn't know anyone would make an effort to socialize.

[Anonymous]

I think this has changed just in the past couple of years. Three years ago, most fifth graders at our small school had phones. Two years ago, many had them. Last year, a few did, but others just had Apple Watches. This year, one kid has an Apple Watch and other kids have Gizmos or the like. I hope the trend continues.

[Anonymous]

My kids are older now but I used to make other kids leave their phones by the front door when they came for playdates or parties, and I put them away to charge during sleepovers. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Our DD has been to two parties where the 12-13 year old girls were on their phones more or less non-stop. She went and played with the younger brother and his friend at the one party and contacted us to pick her up
earlier than originally planned at the other. This happened in larger group settings with mixed friends group; it has not been much of an issue in smaller groups where they generally know one another well. Our DD does not have a phone and definitely is in the minority now.