How do kids find colleges to apply to? Help— senior won’t search!

[Anonymous]

A high school student who can't browse colleges, talk to peers, make a start is imo not interested enough in college or is too dependent on parental "help" to justify spending more than community college tuition on. Maybe a term there will light a fire.

That said people have such high HHI here and the common app makes spamming so easy...I remember budgeting how many places I could afford to apply to and carefully considering a list.

OP your dilemma is a symptom of affluence.

No need to apply to more than 5 places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child came up with the criteria and I did the research to create a list. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Same here. We visited different types of schools early on so she could come up with criteria. Gave criteria to college consultant who came up with a list. I also researched and added to that list. This gave kid a manageable universe of schools to choose from. She did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know but I want to sympathize. I have a senior son who also won't engage in the process. He wants to go to college, he's a top student, etc. but he's currently paralyzed with anxiety.

I have another kid who was nothing like this. I was nothing like this. I have a good friend whose daughter is also paralyzed with anxiety over this (she won't engage either).

It's a very hard time for some kids and makes this entire process so much more stressful on the parents (100% more stressful). I'm sure people on here will start saying "gap year!" but that's the last thing my son wants or needs. He desperately wants to go to college and he'll thrive there (as he's thrived in high school). It's just getting him there that is proving to be really difficult. It's a crazy delicate balance between encouraging him and giving him space.

same boat, my 4.0 UW great EC junior wont prep for SAT due to anxiety, is mid 1300 without prep(based on the paid psat they just took for college board), but needs to go up to high 1400/low 1500 with prep but so scared of not succeeding that they are just on tik tok. I dont know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Gave my kid the big Princeton review of 350 schools. Fun to browse!!! Give this if student, college vibe info data too.

I remember using it as a teen.

He earmarked pages- even found a top Slac he never would have considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A high school student who can't browse colleges, talk to peers, make a start is imo not interested enough in college or is too dependent on parental "help" to justify spending more than community college tuition on. Maybe a term there will light a fire.

That said people have such high HHI here and the common app makes spamming so easy...I remember budgeting how many places I could afford to apply to and carefully considering a list.

OP your dilemma is a symptom of affluence.

No need to apply to more than 5 places.

and your post is a symptom of ....?

[Anonymous]

I helped my dd. We watched lots of YouTube tours (official ones, student ones…) for vibe, looked up programs… it is an incredibly stressful process because she definitely has « anxious ostrich » moments, and I fake joyfully wanting to do college stuff with her while internally panicking. We have a list now, but I really wish I had a kid who does it all on their own. Now we are moving on to filling with the common app.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A high school student who can't browse colleges, talk to peers, make a start is imo not interested enough in college or is too dependent on parental "help" to justify spending more than community college tuition on. Maybe a term there will light a fire.

That said people have such high HHI here and the common app makes spamming so easy...I remember budgeting how many places I could afford to apply to and carefully considering a list.

OP your dilemma is a symptom of affluence.

No need to apply to more than 5 places.

This is awful advice! Admissions are way too obscure these days to apply to so few. And most teens need help with the process.

[Anonymous]

Time is not really running out. School just started. Your DC will probably start hearing friends talk about where they are applying and get curious and start looking. Then that can come to you with some ideas.

[Anonymous]

OK, so she has two she likes. That's a great start!

I'm surprised no one on this thread has offered to give you suggestions

In general, I agree with the idea that the more invested the kid is, the better they will do. But let's assume her reticence has at least something to do with anxiety or feeling overwhelmed.

Are the two schools she likes similar to each other? For example, if she is thinking JMU and Penn State, you could suggest looking into NC State, Indiana, etc. If they are Johns Hopkins and Carnegie Mellon, she's going to need STRONG safeties, so take a little trip to Pennsylvania and check out Pitt and some SLACs -- Bucknell, Lafayette, Dickinson, etc.

If the two schools have nothing in common, suggest a couple of "sort of likes" for each.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A high school student who can't browse colleges, talk to peers, make a start is imo not interested enough in college or is too dependent on parental "help" to justify spending more than community college tuition on. Maybe a term there will light a fire.

That said people have such high HHI here and the common app makes spamming so easy...I remember budgeting how many places I could afford to apply to and carefully considering a list.

OP your dilemma is a symptom of affluence.

No need to apply to more than 5 places.

and your post is a symptom of ....?

Reality for the other 95-97% of families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child came up with the criteria and I did the research to create a list. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Same here. We visited different types of schools early on so she could come up with criteria. Gave criteria to college consultant who came up with a list. I also researched and added to that list. This gave kid a manageable universe of schools to choose from. She did.

Ditto. Early tours, lots of conversation gave me direction to start a list of possibilities. Gave her a few at a time to go read about in Fiske, look at website. She gave me feedback on what she liked/disliked about those. I refined my research and gave her another batch to review etc.

End up with a variety to tour in junior Spring break. Had a solid list of 7 by the end of junior year. All would fit our budget and she'd be happy to go to any of them.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she has to apply to your 4 choices (2-3 safeties plus whatever target you think) and then she can apply wherever else she wants.

I think it’s anxiety but the apps to safeties are pretty easy so get those done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know but I want to sympathize. I have a senior son who also won't engage in the process. He wants to go to college, he's a top student, etc. but he's currently paralyzed with anxiety.

I have another kid who was nothing like this. I was nothing like this. I have a good friend whose daughter is also paralyzed with anxiety over this (she won't engage either).

It's a very hard time for some kids and makes this entire process so much more stressful on the parents (100% more stressful). I'm sure people on here will start saying "gap year!" but that's the last thing my son wants or needs. He desperately wants to go to college and he'll thrive there (as he's thrived in high school). It's just getting him there that is proving to be really difficult. It's a crazy delicate balance between encouraging him and giving him space.

same boat, my 4.0 UW great EC junior wont prep for SAT due to anxiety, is mid 1300 without prep(based on the paid psat they just took for college board), but needs to go up to high 1400/low 1500 with prep but so scared of not succeeding that they are just on tik tok. I dont know what to do.

Hmm, you mention how they are so scared of “not succeeding”, and have anxiety…but then you say they “need to go up” to a certain score in the SAT!!!!

Do you not see how you are contributing to the problem? No wonder your kid is anxious.

If you pay for prep, they cooperate, and “try their best”…then they have succeeded.

Change your mind set. They can only do what they can do, and it is on you to help them believe you love them the way they are. And that they will have a good future.

If you can’t do that convincingly, honestly, get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she has to apply to your 4 choices (2-3 safeties plus whatever target you think) and then she can apply wherever else she wants.

I think it’s anxiety but the apps to safeties are pretty easy so get those done.

NP. I quite like this idea. I think I’m going to use it for my current junior.

[Anonymous]

is not interested enough in college

This is ridiculous. I've known Ivy kids who were afraid to get started. Students at all academic levels can use some help.