How to deal with elderly parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all reap what you sow.

All of you disrespecting your elderly parents, not helping or caring for them, your children are watching and learning. Good luck

I agree. I have never been around so many people who have dysfunctional relationships with their family.

My parents were wonderful parents and I’m sure I was plenty annoying to them over the years. So if some of their elder issues are irritating or annoying (and some days they are) so be it. I try to take deep breaths and exercise patience and remember to be grateful for everything they sacrificed for us growing up.

People usually only post about their families on anonymous forums when there is some kind of dysfunction. The happy or satisfied people aren't posting. And you should feel lucky that you had wonderful parents. A lot of us didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not easy. Raising three kids to adulthood was a piece of cake compared to dealing with my elderly parents.

This. People will say...they dealt with your toddler/teen behavior, not it's your turn. I raised toddlers and have teens and I would take that any day over my mother-MUCH more fun, entertaining and less challenging.

I think the key is to figure out your boundaries and what they can afford in terms of supports. NOBODY should have to endure abuse even if it's from a brain disease. I found that somehow mom could behavior better for professionals despite the brain disease. So, I made sure she had the best care possible, but eventually had to love her from a distance when I could not take another second of outbursts and her refusal to stay on meds. Also, in residential they make sure they take meds and contrary to what others claim here, our experience is you work with them to make sure it's enough that they don't violate other's rights to be in an abuse free environment, but not so much that they are a zombie, unless that is the only state that keeps them from lashing out.

If there isn't money to pay for the best supports then get to know the reps at the Council on Aging and call the Alzheimers hotline to brainstorm what your parent can afford and what is free to create a buffer so you can step back, but ensure care.

Once I am done with this phase in life I will be working with a neurologist and following the latest research and exploring my options. I will NOT be abusive to my children. I am hoping Dean Ornish's research and others will help me age well enough, but I also will be researching traveling to do death with dignity and funding out how that works with getting brain scans. At some point you are too far along to make your own decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m all for respecting our elders but I was abused and ignored by my parents. And now that they’re both gone, I’m at peace.

You mother could have aborted you but. Instead, chose to go through 9 months of all that pregnancy involves and gave you life, didn't she? Ingrate.

Not the person you are responding too, but this is so concerning. We should able grateful we weren't aborted? There were times in my life I wish my mother had an abortion because she really could not manage her rage and she seemed so exasperated with minor things. It took time and therapy to accept she is a limited person and to find ways to be a loving daughter without allowing her to abusive. I am the poster who cares from a distance and outsources.

I think as abusive people age and adults who were never abusive become abusive with cognitive deterioration, we need to all find solutions that allow us to be emotionally and physically safe, while also ensuring they get proper care/the best care that they can afford.

My heart goes out to the person who posted saying she/he was "abused and ignored by" her parents. There is no need to be grateful they chose not to abort you. I am glad that you have found peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all reap what you sow.

All of you disrespecting your elderly parents, not helping or caring for them, your children are watching and learning. Good luck

I really think it's the food. And covid. There are way more mental issues than before at all ages