Teen DS doesn't want to spend time with blended family

[Anonymous]

My dad, who I have always been close to, remarried and I can’t talk to him anymore without his wife on speakerphone. If I text she has his phone and answers for him half the time. I got a little time to talk with him alone during a family vacation and she showed up and said, “Am I allowed to sit with you?” with a hurt tone of voice and big sad eyes. Which ended the conversation. It makes ME want to use profanity, and I’m in my 40s.

Sorry, no advice, just sympathy for your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s be honest… at the end of the day, this child is living between two homes, a broken family. He does not have a sense of belonging. His father now has a family of his own. They are trying to incorporate him into their life but he isn’t having it. He just wants to be a solo kid but guess what, he isn’t! He has siblings. He has to share his father. He isn’t entitled to one on one time with his dad.

This would be wrong even if they were his half-siblings . . . but they aren't. They are step children and step siblings. Are you really suggesting that the kid doesn't have a right to spend time with his father without his much younger step siblings tagging along?

[Anonymous]

My ex did this too, his SO refuses to let him see his kids unless she is present, she even listens in on phone calls. Kids just don’t call or visit anymore. It’s very painful for the kids to be subjected to this. Someday, ex will realize his SO kept him from having relationship with his kids, and they will be gone.
For the record, the SO won’t let ex talk to me or see me either. Only text messages she reviews. Weird.
My heart breaks for kids in these situations, and makes me hate the SO that makes these rules. My kids remind me that it is their dad who is letting her call the shots, and they put the blame on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad, who I have always been close to, remarried and I can’t talk to him anymore without his wife on speakerphone. If I text she has his phone and answers for him half the time. I got a little time to talk with him alone during a family vacation and she showed up and said, “Am I allowed to sit with you?” with a hurt tone of voice and big sad eyes. Which ended the conversation. It makes ME want to use profanity, and I’m in my 40s.

Sorry, no advice, just sympathy for your son.

That is heartbreaking! I am so sorry. I guess it’s best that the teen just breaks it off now with dad and bad situation. I wonder what the SO is so terrified of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad, who I have always been close to, remarried and I can’t talk to him anymore without his wife on speakerphone. If I text she has his phone and answers for him half the time. I got a little time to talk with him alone during a family vacation and she showed up and said, “Am I allowed to sit with you?” with a hurt tone of voice and big sad eyes. Which ended the conversation. It makes ME want to use profanity, and I’m in my 40s.

Sorry, no advice, just sympathy for your son.

My mom is like that where I am not allowed to see her without her boyfriend. I don't really see or speak to her anymore as he's cold and hostile. But, this situation is a bit different. Stepmom isn't saying she doesn't want him around, she just wants him taking care of her kids to get out of taking care of them as she cannot probably handle them alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex did this too, his SO refuses to let him see his kids unless she is present, she even listens in on phone calls. Kids just don’t call or visit anymore. It’s very painful for the kids to be subjected to this. Someday, ex will realize his SO kept him from having relationship with his kids, and they will be gone.
For the record, the SO won’t let ex talk to me or see me either. Only text messages she reviews. Weird.
My heart breaks for kids in these situations, and makes me hate the SO that makes these rules. My kids remind me that it is their dad who is letting her call the shots, and they put the blame on him.

This sounds different. It doesn't sound like she wants to be there. She is insisting that he take all four kids, son and her three so she can get a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The three kids are not biologically the Dads?

I think step Mom is threatened by DS. It is telling that she does not want Dad and DS to even chat casually.

No, she's not threatened by him. She cannot handle her kids and wants to pawn them off on dad/stepdad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t worry about it. It’s normal to “blow up” every blue moon. Stop making it something it isn’t. So what step mom cried Bfd.

You don’t need some “sit down”.

Explain to your DS that once he is in college it will essentially be impossible to drag 3 kids to
college to visits.

Your son needs to be more strategic like getting 2 tickets to a sports game.

Also he needs to agree to and get agreement on a % group outings. Like once every 5 gathering is one on one with dad.

OMG she pouted so much when he declined to go with her on college tours. She tried to get him to use her sister or was it her SIL who is "this awesome college counselor" and he told her no. She actually put it in our chatroom "why is he always saying "no" to our help".

He is not responsible for another persons feelings and he doesn’t need to walk on egg shells to mitigate an over reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s be honest… at the end of the day, this child is living between two homes, a broken family. He does not have a sense of belonging. His father now has a family of his own. They are trying to incorporate him into their life but he isn’t having it. He just wants to be a solo kid but guess what, he isn’t! He has siblings. He has to share his father. He isn’t entitled to one on one time with his dad.

First off these aren't his siblings. They don't share a father. Those kids have their father. He is entitled to 1-1 time with his dad. All kids regardless of marriage or divorce should. You don't spend 1-1 time with your kids? I do. I feel bad for yours. We are married (and I have step kids) and I'll take my child out alone and so will my spouse. Every kid needs and deserves 1-1 time.

The issue is Mom wants a break and doesn't want to parent her kids. Dad probably does almost everything and she cannot handle them for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t worry about it. It’s normal to “blow up” every blue moon. Stop making it something it isn’t. So what step mom cried Bfd.

You don’t need some “sit down”.

Explain to your DS that once he is in college it will essentially be impossible to drag 3 kids to
college to visits.

Your son needs to be more strategic like getting 2 tickets to a sports game.

Also he needs to agree to and get agreement on a % group outings. Like once every 5 gathering is one on one with dad.

OMG she pouted so much when he declined to go with her on college tours. She tried to get him to use her sister or was it her SIL who is "this awesome college counselor" and he told her no. She actually put it in our chatroom "why is he always saying "no" to our help".

He is not responsible for another persons feelings and he doesn’t need to walk on egg shells to mitigate an over reaction.

This has nothing to do with anything. Nor should the son randomly buy tickets. He should get some 1-1 time every visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask your ex point-blank why he doesn’t want to spend one-on-one time with his son. Even in bio families that aren’t blended, kids want to have solo time with one parent or the other. And here, your son’s desire is a million times more understandable. And 17-year-olds don’t want to hang out with younger kids all the time.

I’m not sure why your ex is giving you an earful. He’s the one who isn’t meeting his son’s emotional needs.

This. Your ex is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s be honest… at the end of the day, this child is living between two homes, a broken family. He does not have a sense of belonging. His father now has a family of his own. They are trying to incorporate him into their life but he isn’t having it. He just wants to be a solo kid but guess what, he isn’t! He has siblings. He has to share his father. He isn’t entitled to one on one time with his dad.

I seriously hope you don't have children. He has every right to one on one time with his dad. Realistically ALL children are entitled to one on one time with a parent. Don't have more children than you can reasonable provide care to.

Don’t create a broken home for your child. Only two people put him in this situation; mom and dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s be honest… at the end of the day, this child is living between two homes, a broken family. He does not have a sense of belonging. His father now has a family of his own. They are trying to incorporate him into their life but he isn’t having it. He just wants to be a solo kid but guess what, he isn’t! He has siblings. He has to share his father. He isn’t entitled to one on one time with his dad.

First off these aren't his siblings. They don't share a father. Those kids have their father. He is entitled to 1-1 time with his dad. All kids regardless of marriage or divorce should. You don't spend 1-1 time with your kids? I do. I feel bad for yours. We are married (and I have step kids) and I'll take my child out alone and so will my spouse. Every kid needs and deserves 1-1 time.

The issue is Mom wants a break and doesn't want to parent her kids. Dad probably does almost everything and she cannot handle them for a few hours.

Way to create a scenario, you should be a story teller

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s be honest… at the end of the day, this child is living between two homes, a broken family. He does not have a sense of belonging. His father now has a family of his own. They are trying to incorporate him into their life but he isn’t having it. He just wants to be a solo kid but guess what, he isn’t! He has siblings. He has to share his father. He isn’t entitled to one on one time with his dad.

This would be wrong even if they were his half-siblings . . . but they aren't. They are step children and step siblings. Are you really suggesting that the kid doesn't have a right to spend time with his father without his much younger step siblings tagging along?

My kids are 3 years apart, full siblings, same gender and like each other very much. They still want my undivided attention sometimes. Every kid should have one on one time with each of their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect she cannot handle the three kids alone and your ex is basically doing the heavy parenting. Son isn't unreasonable to want some time alone given the kids get 24-7 together with your ex otherwise. In any family, step or otherwise, each kid should get time alone with each parent. Maybe offer to pay for a babysitter for a few hours for the other ones since she cannot handle parenting her kids.

What? No way! It is not OP’s responsibility to worry about this woman’s kids. Team DS. The ExH needs to decide if he wants a relationship with his son or not because his actions are pushing DS away. His new wife may have kids but OP’s son is not required to have a relationship with them. But his own dad should want to spend time with him.