Hurtful comment

[Anonymous]

There's a lot to unpack here. Your mother's comment was hurtful but maybe she didn't feel that she had a fun time the last time she visited. Take that at face value. Does your sister have younger children? Does she have a closer relationship with your mother? You have adult children. I'm going to guess they don't live at home. Can you have your mother visit for Thanksgiving or another holiday when everyone is present?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot to unpack here. Your mother's comment was hurtful but maybe she didn't feel that she had a fun time the last time she visited. Take that at face value. Does your sister have younger children? Does she have a closer relationship with your mother? You have adult children. I'm going to guess they don't live at home. Can you have your mother visit for Thanksgiving or another holiday when everyone is present?

She sure could. But there would be nothing to go here I guess.
My sisters kids are younger but almost adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she is just more like your sister in what she likes to do, that’s all.
It’s sad but it happens.

Maybe but my sister doesn’t hike. Just lives in a place where one can.

[Anonymous]

It's rude and hurtful, but you can't change her. She is showing you who she is. She cares more about the form of entertainment she wants than grandchildren.

I had a good relationship with my parents by accepting them for who they were. They weren't the type to bake with grandchildren or have them come visit or any of that. They had busy social lives and wanted things their way. For me the issue came when dad died and mom expected us to revolve out lives around her and rewrote history. I accepted all her boundaries, but she wouldn't accept any of mine.

[Anonymous]

Does she fly to see your sister? I don’t like flying and I m 36. Planes give me ear trouble. Since your sister is closer it may be easier for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she fly to see your sister? I don’t like flying and I m 36. Planes give me ear trouble. Since your sister is closer it may be easier for her.

As I said previously, she must fly to see both of us.

[Anonymous]

When was the last time you invited her to come for a visit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When was the last time you invited her to come for a visit?

When I visited her two weeks ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"We go to the lake - a lot, we shop, eat, play cards." -- and this, I'd hate all of this too.

You hate going to a lake? So you don't like being outdoors?

[Anonymous]

Op here- I didn’t write the last sentence

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I visited my mom in the western state (very rugged and outdoorsy) where I grew up. We had a good time.
While I was there I asked why she never visits us - she visits my other sister in Montana and hikes there and in the state where she lives. She said, "what would I do there?" I live in a flat midwestern state where of course people can take walks, but there's barely a hill here. Land is covered with crops. But, there are many things to do here that don't involve hiking.
My adult children are here and haven't seen their grandmother since we went to visit her and vacation about 4 years ago.
She travels to see my sister a couple times a year. Sister has two teenagers.
I want to tell her how hurtful her comment is. I cannot imagine being this kind of person.

Move farther north where the glaciers came and made awesome lakes, trails, bluffs, dells, river systems, hills. Plus fields of corn, soy, cows.

[Anonymous]

OP just wanted to say that I totally understand why you felt hurt and I don't understand why some of the PP's on here don't get it. Your mother sounds very self centered. Maybe it's an age thing, maybe she's always been that way. Even if where you live is boring it doesn't sound like there's any reason why she can't briefly visit once a year or so. Yeah, I'd rather go to Montana too but she can spend a long weekend in the Midwest visiting with you and her grandchildren on a yearly basis.
I understand because my mother is and has always been a self centered person. She loves my brother and I but her ability to love is limited. I work on keeping my expectations of her low. It's not easy but there's nothing else I can do as she is not going to change.

[Anonymous]

Look if you want people to visit you then do not live in a boring place! It’s often not cheap to get to these places either as there isn’t a ton of travel there. Car rentals are expensive and if you don’t rent a car you are trapped with the relative. Even with a car there is nowhere to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP just wanted to say that I totally understand why you felt hurt and I don't understand why some of the PP's on here don't get it. Your mother sounds very self centered. Maybe it's an age thing, maybe she's always been that way. Even if where you live is boring it doesn't sound like there's any reason why she can't briefly visit once a year or so. Yeah, I'd rather go to Montana too but she can spend a long weekend in the Midwest visiting with you and her grandchildren on a yearly basis.
I understand because my mother is and has always been a self centered person. She loves my brother and I but her ability to love is limited. I work on keeping my expectations of her low. It's not easy but there's nothing else I can do as she is not going to change.

Thank you. I appreciate this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look if you want people to visit you then do not live in a boring place! It’s often not cheap to get to these places either as there isn’t a ton of travel there. Car rentals are expensive and if you don’t rent a car you are trapped with the relative. Even with a car there is nowhere to go.

We live here for husbands job. It was also a great place to raise kids and I like it here. I visit them but am not keen on hiking all the time but the key is spending time together.