Question for the unhappy DW or exDW of dcum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve reflected about this and occasionally post responses. Here goes:
1. Made myself happy first
2. Spent more time apart
3. Not care so much
4. Taken planned separate vacations
5. Studied my parents and made a real attempt of the opposite (they are still married).
6. Lowered my standards (it would not have hurt)
7. Learned how to properly have s%#x (I learned that post D).
8. See no. 4 - put more boundaries in place w my in laws. Never vacation with them.
9. Not enmesh so much between extended families.
10. Probably take a two year break - without a label - and then come back together.

Very self oriented. No wonder you failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He could have...
Stopped drinking
Stayed on the ADHD meds that helped him control his anger
Gotten into therapy for his anger issues, which might have eliminated the verbal abuse I endured
Admitted his overspending rather than blaming it on me
Cared about my pleasure during sex
Not cheated (though honestly that wasn't anywhere near as bad as all of the above)

+1. It wasn't like, one or two things where a reasonable person could have thought "this isn't so bad." It was a series of big, obvious things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a divorced wife or unhappy in your marriage and contemplating divorce

What are the top 3 things your DH could’ve should’ve done to keep you happy and committed?

(Looking for info primarily from DWs exDWs from a long marriage maybe late 30s-early50s and with kids)

Stay on medication
Be intimate a few times during our 9 year dry spell
Continual anger management help

[Anonymous]

Show an interest in your wife as a person.

Make plans or at least talk or fantasize about what you want for your life together in the future.

Do your best to stay attractive.

[Anonymous]

Do not yell at me. Do not insult me or call me names.

Get into therapy and stay in therapy to deal with anger issues and learn how to communicate.

DO what you say you will do. If you say "Yes, I'll call the plumber," call the %^$! plumber. Don't make me nag you.

Don't make me do all the mental and emotional work. Maybe YOU remember the kids' birthdays for a change! YOU plan a romantic weekend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a divorced wife or unhappy in your marriage and contemplating divorce

What are the top 3 things your DH could’ve should’ve done to keep you happy and committed?

(Looking for info primarily from DWs exDWs from a long marriage maybe late 30s-early50s and with kids)

He could have done something about his porn addiction.

[Anonymous]

1) I am not something to control and have at your beck and call to cool, clean, and do things for you.

2) I need to breathe!! He is clingy and always tracking me down and wanting me to stay home with him but all he does is sleep or watch tv on the couch.

3) Think about me! Like really. It hurts to not get a bday card, gift, Valentine’s Day gift, anniversary or just go on a date. We have not been out in 2 years. I have asked and begged and he never does. I feel worthless to him. He does not care enough about me to want to connect with me. I do everything for him on those special days.

I am not a wife and mom that just takes. I give 200% working two jobs, managing kids sports and activities, trying to keep our house clean and organized up to his standard which is high, and always show that I care for him. I am feeling very dejected and honestly thinking of divorce.

[Anonymous]

1. Not cheated
2. See 1
3. See 2

[Anonymous]

Not cheat
Not be so controlling and easy to anger
Not be so uptight, never can relax
Not drink so much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Do s*it. He doesn't know how to cook and after 20 years and kids, it has gotten old. I didn't sign up to feed him until he dies.
2. Do s*it. Do the household chores without having to be reminded 100x. Trash truck comes on a certain day and it's not a surprise.
3. If you don't/cannot/are not willing to do s*it, stop critiquing when I do it.
4. I am my own person, separate from taking care of family, kids, you, in-laws, parents. I don't want to solve everyone's problems.

Yah sister!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Stop glueing things to the kitchen counters.
2. Stop lying about it.
3. Admit that rope costs money, it is not "free."
4. Understand where the checks are.
5. Harness others' power for good.
6. Decide what's up and where down is.
7. When alcohol is on the brew, do not boil it.
8. Play more music.

I don't understand most of this, so for that I applaud you.

+1