Vindictive ASD teen

[Anonymous]

So sorry you are experiencing this challenge and heart ache. Know you are not alone and there is hope. Read the good tips here - please ignore the arrogant and judgy responses!

Should you need to call for police support, do some pre work (for self, others in house and the police/safety social workers). Work with therapist/psychiatrist and know insurance and hospital/i -patient options might be. You want to know what it might possibly look like and can prepare to some extent.

Hospitals can be instrumental in medicating/stabilizing so you can work on next steps.

Good luck and huge hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So sorry you are experiencing this challenge and heart ache. Know you are not alone and there is hope. Read the good tips here - please ignore the arrogant and judgy responses!

Should you need to call for police support, do some pre work (for self, others in house and the police/safety social workers). Work with therapist/psychiatrist and know insurance and hospital/i -patient options might be. You want to know what it might possibly look like and can prepare to some extent.

Hospitals can be instrumental in medicating/stabilizing so you can work on next steps.

Good luck and huge hugs.

Forgot to include research on FMLA for self and partner so you can ensure you have capacity to focus on child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long did it take him to clean up the trash?

OP here. You know he didn’t.

Seriously?! Mine would’ve been cleaning all night and steam cleaning again today.

You don’t have this kind of kid then. Not OP here.

How are you making kid clean the trash? Would you take away cellphone/electronics? Kid doesn’t care. Threaten to cancel vacation? Kid doesn’t care. And I mean they will fully lay on the bed or sit & stare at the wall for days rather than do whatever you are forcing, while the garbage rots & stains your furniture & rugs.

This is what OP is dealing with.

If it’s really this bad then you might want to try a residential facility for stabilization and to assess/address motivation and compliance. That environment would be equipped to effectively handle this type of behavior.

Newsflash. Residential won't take kids like this, unless this is happening 24/7. If it's once a week? No way you get approved for residential.
Believe me, we've tried.

My son like this spent quite a bit of time in residential. So it is possible to find places.

[Anonymous]

I truly hope this article can help you move in the right direction:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5575919/

It's a study on using non-violent resistance for these type of behaviors. Enlisting supporters is key as a first step. Definitely give it a read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long did it take him to clean up the trash?

OP here. You know he didn’t.

Seriously?! Mine would’ve been cleaning all night and steam cleaning again today.

NP. So you don't have a vindictive ASD DC. Just unhelpful criticism.

I get told no, I spread garbage on the floor, I do fun things while mom cleans it up. Watching mom get upset and clean garbage is fun. Next time she’ll probably get me what I want, if she doesn’t I’ll make a bigger mess.

I get told no, I spread garbage on the floor, I spend all night and day cleaning and don’t get to do fun things. Cleaning garbage is smelly and not fun, Next time I won’t spread garbage.

:roll: Child psychologist here. This scenario you have described might work with a young, typically developing child. Op's situation is incredibly different. There are several forums dedicated to typically developing children where you can post your Reader's Digest advice.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old and what is your long term plan? If it's a teen it's not too early to start thinking about "Transition to Adulthood" stuff. Do they have an IEP? What is the plan when they turn 18?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long did it take him to clean up the trash?

OP here. You know he didn’t.

Seriously?! Mine would’ve been cleaning all night and steam cleaning again today.

NP. So you don't have a vindictive ASD DC. Just unhelpful criticism.

I get told no, I spread garbage on the floor, I do fun things while mom cleans it up. Watching mom get upset and clean garbage is fun. Next time she’ll probably get me what I want, if she doesn’t I’ll make a bigger mess.

I get told no, I spread garbage on the floor, I spend all night and day cleaning and don’t get to do fun things. Cleaning garbage is smelly and not fun, Next time I won’t spread garbage.

Oh, OP, I'm so sorry. I am an ASD mama, too. I feel you and you are not alone!

[Anonymous]

The NVR approach sounds fascinating to me (NP with a similar kid). All I can find online are academic papers or therapists who will train you in it. Has anyone found a good source of examples and info for at least some self-implementation? I'd like to understand it better before shelling out for a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone mentioned DBT? This sounds like emotional regulation issues to me, and DBT is supposed to be good for this type of thing. The ASD rigidity and inflexibility, combined with the sometime-lacking social/empathy component (at least in our case), make this type of situation hard. Plus, any teen is going through a lot and an emotional rollercoaster, so these kids are super tough. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone mentioned DBT? This sounds like emotional regulation issues to me, and DBT is supposed to be good for this type of thing. The ASD rigidity and inflexibility, combined with the sometime-lacking social/empathy component (at least in our case), make this type of situation hard. Plus, any teen is going through a lot and an emotional rollercoaster, so these kids are super tough. Hugs.

Oh gosh. I don’t think anyone has mentioned DBT. There isn’t a lot of research about its effectiveness for ASD, and it requires a ton of time, money, and buy-in to do it right. We were led to believe that this was the only approach that would help our late-diagnosed ASD teen, and it was a source of misery for us. Maybe it’s worth a try, but I think it’s really unfortunate that people keep suggesting it for ASD. The radical acceptance part alone is a massive challenge for these kids.

We finally found someone who could get through to our kid, with improved medications, parent training, and therapy (not in DC). The medication made way for everything else to start working, but it was a slow process.

[Anonymous]

That is crazy. Your husband could've been shot and killed from the swatting. People have died from this. Your son needs much more intensive help than what the current therapist can provide. PHP or residential. I second the posters that recommend calling 911 the next time he does something that risks your family's safety. When was the last time he saw a psychiatrist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long did it take him to clean up the trash?

OP here. You know he didn’t.

Seriously?! Mine would’ve been cleaning all night and steam cleaning again today.

Then you do not belong in this thread. Those of us who’ve dealt with PDA know better.

[Anonymous]

OP, has he tried anti depressants? They changed our lives - kid lost most of the difficult behaviors. Miracle for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone mentioned DBT? This sounds like emotional regulation issues to me, and DBT is supposed to be good for this type of thing. The ASD rigidity and inflexibility, combined with the sometime-lacking social/empathy component (at least in our case), make this type of situation hard. Plus, any teen is going through a lot and an emotional rollercoaster, so these kids are super tough. Hugs.

Oh gosh. I don’t think anyone has mentioned DBT. There isn’t a lot of research about its effectiveness for ASD, and it requires a ton of time, money, and buy-in to do it right. We were led to believe that this was the only approach that would help our late-diagnosed ASD teen, and it was a source of misery for us. Maybe it’s worth a try, but I think it’s really unfortunate that people keep suggesting it for ASD. The radical acceptance part alone is a massive challenge for these kids.

We finally found someone who could get through to our kid, with improved medications, parent training, and therapy (not in DC). The medication made way for everything else to start working, but it was a slow process.

Dr j marshack prescribes it for asd adults or teens. They need to rehabitualize many things and that takes time and a third party. Takes a year to graduate all the modules.

[Anonymous]

OP- how old is your kid? At what age did this sort of behavior start? My child was diagnoses ASD and ADHD and we are bracing ourselves for the future.