How long do you allow your 9.5 year old to stay home on their own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my state it’s actually illegal for a kid to be left alone until they’re 14. This seems way too old to me, but as a parent of a 9 year old I haven’t even considered leaving him alone because of our law. But maybe I should start…

Where is this? That seems very late

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is such an interesting and subjective question! I used to work as a CPS worker in VA locality and unless something has changed in the past few years, there was NO legal age limit that you could start leaving your child alone. It comes down to a bunch of factors including the child (bio/psycho/social/cognitive/emotional needs/skills), knowledge & access to a plan for emergencies, how to stay safe in the home, and call for help (aka a phone), length of time, if they are expected to be a caregiver for younger children, and space. I haven't seen Fairfax's recommendations but I'll check it out.

I have worked with kids as young as 8-9 years old who went home after school and were home alone for maybe 2-3 hours each afternoon out of necessity BUT they had a phone, they had accessible food/water, they had people nearby that they identified that they could run to for help, and the child felt comfortable and safe. I have also worked with families with older teens who could NEVER be left alone for ANY reason.

Personally, my older DS will be 9 next month and we haven't left him alone yet. We began allowing him around 7 to go walk next door to ask the neighbors if they want to play and he is allowed to play in the backyard without an adult outside with him (When he asks permission). I initially stayed very close but as he's built trust, he is allowed to play without me checking on him for 20-30 min with others.

We will begin practicing leaving him alone for short periods this year (20-30 minutes and we will work up to longer periods over time & we have outside cameras) but we don't have a phone for him to use, so that's something we need to resolve before we can start doing that.

OP here and I have actually been more nervous about her walking to friends houses because I don’t have a phone for her to take with her (she has an iPad to text and call and we actually have a landline) and sometimes the other parent doesn’t text to say she’s there or whatever. I am really resisting getting a phone but I do want her to be able to walk to friends houses- it’s a big part of why we picked our neighborhood!

[Anonymous]

We've been trying to since he was like 8, but he's always refused. He's a bit of a scaredy cat, we're just getting to the point where he'll go to the upstairs bathroom when no one else is on that floor. It would have to start small, like he stays home while we walk to the coffee shop a few blocks away.

I anticipate being able to start much earlier with our younger child, who has no fear and is fiercely independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - interesting! We have not done longer than 30 minutes but I have been thinking of doing a little longer so I can take my younger one somewhere. Any sort of class is at least 60 minutes with driving so it would be a bit of a jump.

You know your kid best, but I think this would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Mine would be glued to a screen. I'm not sure how'd she feel about a long stretch, but for an hour or 2 she'd be fine.

We live in a great neighborhood where she knows many neighbor she could go get help from, if something happened to go wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my state it’s actually illegal for a kid to be left alone until they’re 14. This seems way too old to me, but as a parent of a 9 year old I haven’t even considered leaving him alone because of our law. But maybe I should start…

Where is this? That seems very late

Illinois, and it's the oldest age in the country. I'm not a fan.

[Anonymous]

About and hour and a half in the morning a few times per week. I wake him up when I leave for work. He gets ready for school, eats a snack, locks up the house and leaves for the bus about an hour later. 9.5 almost exactly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my state it’s actually illegal for a kid to be left alone until they’re 14. This seems way too old to me, but as a parent of a 9 year old I haven’t even considered leaving him alone because of our law. But maybe I should start…

Lol this is ridiculous. I was babysitting in 6th grade!

[Anonymous]

The Illinois law appears to state “The law says that you cannot leave a child under the age of 13 alone. This is child abandonment. This means no responsible person over the age of 14 is with the child. The child must be alone for 24 hours or more.” So 24 hours or more but ambiguous/confusing about less than 24h

[Anonymous]

None.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the concern, for those who say too young? My kid knows not to open the door for strangers, play with matches or knives, or attempt to scale the curtains. The greatest risk is boredom.

Despite what you may think, many 9 year olds cannot handle an emergency at all.

So you’re also one of those parents who doesn’t let their 9 yo run around the neighborhood without adults? Because emergencies could also happen then.

Nope, not unless she’s with her older sibling. There’s really no where to go from our house without crossing a busy street.

[Anonymous]

About an hour and usually only very nearby errands or if I go for a jog. She can call me. I prefer when she’s with our oldest (11) but she does sometimes do 30-1 hour or so solo when needed.

[Anonymous]

20 min. when I need to walk the dog and he doesn't want to come along.

[Anonymous]

We did once left 9 yo home alone, with a dog and armed home security system for 1.5 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such an interesting and subjective question! I used to work as a CPS worker in VA locality and unless something has changed in the past few years, there was NO legal age limit that you could start leaving your child alone. It comes down to a bunch of factors including the child (bio/psycho/social/cognitive/emotional needs/skills), knowledge & access to a plan for emergencies, how to stay safe in the home, and call for help (aka a phone), length of time, if they are expected to be a caregiver for younger children, and space. I haven't seen Fairfax's recommendations but I'll check it out.

I have worked with kids as young as 8-9 years old who went home after school and were home alone for maybe 2-3 hours each afternoon out of necessity BUT they had a phone, they had accessible food/water, they had people nearby that they identified that they could run to for help, and the child felt comfortable and safe. I have also worked with families with older teens who could NEVER be left alone for ANY reason.

Personally, my older DS will be 9 next month and we haven't left him alone yet. We began allowing him around 7 to go walk next door to ask the neighbors if they want to play and he is allowed to play in the backyard without an adult outside with him (When he asks permission). I initially stayed very close but as he's built trust, he is allowed to play without me checking on him for 20-30 min with others.

We will begin practicing leaving him alone for short periods this year (20-30 minutes and we will work up to longer periods over time & we have outside cameras) but we don't have a phone for him to use, so that's something we need to resolve before we can start doing that.

OP here and I have actually been more nervous about her walking to friends houses because I don’t have a phone for her to take with her (she has an iPad to text and call and we actually have a landline) and sometimes the other parent doesn’t text to say she’s there or whatever. I am really resisting getting a phone but I do want her to be able to walk to friends houses- it’s a big part of why we picked our neighborhood!

We got a dumb phone (we call it a burner because we think we’re funny) for our kids to use in that situation. Call me when you get there, or for me to call and say it’s time to come home. It’s not really “a phone” and it lives in a kitchen drawer except when I’m going out or they’re going to play with a friend. Ours was a Jethro, designed for the elderly, and cost about $30 plus $5/mo.