How long do you allow your 9.5 year old to stay home on their own?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
If youre making decisions based on assuming there will be an emergency you should also never send your kid to school. Or drive in a car. Or use a gas grill. Or go camping. Or play a sport. Or fly on a plane. Your risk analysis here is very flawed. I think most people arent saying they believe a 9 year old could respond to an emergency. They're saying the likelihood of an emergency doesnt increase if they are alone. The child being alone wont cause an emergency, which is really how you should view this. |
Anonymous
And as long as the kid knows how to call the parent and 911 and get themselves to a neighbor it really is not that big of a deal |
Anonymous
| No. Too young |
Anonymous
|
My oldest, with some impulsivity issues and tendency to hyper focus. He was able to stay home for 30 minutes at 8 or 9.
My middle, who was born more mature than her brother, 1-2 hours. |
Anonymous
So you’re also one of those parents who doesn’t let their 9 yo run around the neighborhood without adults? Because emergencies could also happen then. |
Anonymous
|
We let our 10 year old stay home by herself for up to an hour (usually it's because we're dropping off a younger sibling somewhere), only during the day time.
We don't let the 2 stay home by themselves because when they're both home, there's usually a good deal of fighting. |
Anonymous
What kind of emergency are you imagining? Sincerely curious. My kid would presumably call me, and I would issue instructions depending on circumstances. |
Anonymous
| 2 hours during the day, glued to a movie, with ipad for messaging/calling right next to her. Generally, its about an hour after school alone. We worked up to this, starting in 15 minute increments. |
Anonymous
1000% |
Anonymous
+1. We started allowing ours to stay home for 30 minutes while we walked the dog when DS was 10. The graduated to 30 minutes trips to the store. He's 11 now and we only leave him alone in the house maybe twice a month and never for more than 45 minutes - and he knows how to call us on the landline if needed. We could leave him alone longer but don't do so. That being said, I was the latch-key kid of a single parent who worked off hours often and I was frequently left alone beginning around 9 years old - many times for an entire evening or most of the day if it was a weekend. So that's another opposite extreme. I turned out ok, but wouldn't put my own child through that. It definitely affected my social skills and mental well being. |
Anonymous
This makes perfect sense to me! When I leave my kid(s) home alone, it's usually their choice -- "I'm taking your sister to the orthodontist, do you want to come with us or stay here?" or similar. There are rarely situations where they don't choose themselves. But I think "is it safe and acceptable to leave this child home alone" is a separate question from "is it a good idea for this particular child to stay home alone in this circumstance." There is not a world in which I would leave my 3yo home alone for any reason! Whereas my particular older kids, sure. |
Anonymous
| At my kids school they're allowed to self dismiss in 4th grade, and my DD will be 8 almost 9 when she starts 4th grade. I figure if she can walk home from school alone she can hang for an hour in the house. We work at offices so can't see letting her walk home and hang alone for hours at that age, but I let her stay home alone for 30 mins or so already (3rd grade, 8.5yo) if she doesn't want to run an errand or something. |
Anonymous
| 1-2 hours |
Anonymous
| In my state it’s actually illegal for a kid to be left alone until they’re 14. This seems way too old to me, but as a parent of a 9 year old I haven’t even considered leaving him alone because of our law. But maybe I should start… |
Anonymous
|
This is such an interesting and subjective question! I used to work as a CPS worker in VA locality and unless something has changed in the past few years, there was NO legal age limit that you could start leaving your child alone. It comes down to a bunch of factors including the child (bio/psycho/social/cognitive/emotional needs/skills), knowledge & access to a plan for emergencies, how to stay safe in the home, and call for help (aka a phone), length of time, if they are expected to be a caregiver for younger children, and space. I haven't seen Fairfax's recommendations but I'll check it out.
I have worked with kids as young as 8-9 years old who went home after school and were home alone for maybe 2-3 hours each afternoon out of necessity BUT they had a phone, they had accessible food/water, they had people nearby that they identified that they could run to for help, and the child felt comfortable and safe. I have also worked with families with older teens who could NEVER be left alone for ANY reason. Personally, my older DS will be 9 next month and we haven't left him alone yet. We began allowing him around 7 to go walk next door to ask the neighbors if they want to play and he is allowed to play in the backyard without an adult outside with him (When he asks permission). I initially stayed very close but as he's built trust, he is allowed to play without me checking on him for 20-30 min with others. We will begin practicing leaving him alone for short periods this year (20-30 minutes and we will work up to longer periods over time & we have outside cameras) but we don't have a phone for him to use, so that's something we need to resolve before we can start doing that. |