Red flag if a guy doesn’t see kids often?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.

It made your life easier because your mom didn't want him involved. Lets be real. Seeing him a few weeks in the summer isn't a relationship and stability would have been both parents equally involved.

I think her parents did the right thing. It is more stable for the kid. I would love that setup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids aren’t his thing, his career is.

So as long as you don’t want kids, I don’t see an issue.

This

Hah, not in my situation. Deadbeat dad. Could hardly hold a job. My daughter is 20 and she still does not want to see him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.

It made your life easier because your mom didn't want him involved. Lets be real. Seeing him a few weeks in the summer isn't a relationship and stability would have been both parents equally involved.

I think her parents did the right thing. It is more stable for the kid. I would love that setup.

You love the set up as it would benefit you. That's pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.

Your dad was/is absolutely a deadbeat. Seeing your child for only a few weeks a year is not a good parent. Not sure what kind of emotional abuse or manipulation he told you to twist your views like this.

He didn’t say anything. We lived in a different state for work reasons. He could have been an assh-le and not have allowed my mom to move for a better job, but he wasn’t. He never missed a child support payment and went above and beyond what was necessary financially. My mom remarried before he did. (My step-father is amazing.) My dad and I have a great relationship. I’m thankful that he didn’t treat me like the baby in the Solomon story.

I’m sorry that you are so messed up that you don’t understand what love really means and the sacrifices it sometimes entails.

Your mom could have moved and given your dad custody. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably. But, he gets a point for admitting he is a good dad with limits vs. waxing on about how he is the best dad ever and is so close to his kids and it turns out he actually rarely sees his kids. Also, 50/50 can be incredibly difficult for everyone and is not best for the kids in many cases. But, yeah, approach with caution.

If you don't think 50-50 is right for your kids, you have the kids be with their other parent full time and you see them every other weekend.

[Anonymous]

Not a red flag right away. Not enough information. This is what he told you so you'd bug off.
I had an ex who I thought could do something to our child if I got too close. I wasn't much off. His mental decline was so rapid and he took himself out soon after we separated.
I was told by so many that I was a bad mother for not going to court. I knew there's a possibility of him hurting the child. To make sure it doesn't happen, I simply stayed away.

[Anonymous]

C'mon, you already know the answer to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.

Your dad was/is absolutely a deadbeat. Seeing your child for only a few weeks a year is not a good parent. Not sure what kind of emotional abuse or manipulation he told you to twist your views like this.

He didn’t say anything. We lived in a different state for work reasons. He could have been an assh-le and not have allowed my mom to move for a better job, but he wasn’t. He never missed a child support payment and went above and beyond what was necessary financially. My mom remarried before he did. (My step-father is amazing.) My dad and I have a great relationship. I’m thankful that he didn’t treat me like the baby in the Solomon story.

I’m sorry that you are so messed up that you don’t understand what love really means and the sacrifices it sometimes entails.

Your mom could have moved and given your dad custody. Problem solved.

Problem solved? So, you’re okay with dad having full custody, just not mom? Why are you so opinionated and obstinate about other people making the right choices for themselves? Obviously, this arrangement worked out well for these people. Why does this bother you? Because you have deep unresolved issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it a red flag if a guy is separated but doesn’t seem to see his kids often? He says he works too much to have 50-50 custody. Kids are a tween and teens.

Yes. Been there, done that. Husband barely has a relationship now with his adult children, and wonders why they barely speak to him. He didn't invest. I tried for years to keep them all together, but as the kids became young adults, in college, etc. they just didn't have the time, and there was no real foundational relationship there to hold them through that typical phase.

I have no respect for his lack of parenting efforts, and I have no empathy when he feels bad about not seeing his kids. And that alone is a bad place to be with your life partner.

Run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't have time to spend with his kids but he has time to date?

Yeah, no.

Exactly.

Yup this. +1,000,000,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.

It made your life easier because your mom didn't want him involved. Lets be real. Seeing him a few weeks in the summer isn't a relationship and stability would have been both parents equally involved.

I think her parents did the right thing. It is more stable for the kid. I would love that setup.

You love the set up as it would benefit you. That's pathetic.

It benefits the kids. Stability and routine is better.

Not Think that scenario would benefit me because I would have even less time than I already do.

I do get child support so I don’t know if you were thinking there would be some financial benefit because with equal earners that’s not the case.

I nest so I don’t inconvenience the kids. I am doing most of the parenting.

50/50 Custody is BS and terrible for kids. It puts the parents first and not the kids.

There would be no personal benefit of me having the kids most of the time: it would benefit the kids immensely.

[Anonymous]

I do not get child support (correction from above).

[Anonymous]

I got a divorce because my ex was a workaholic and did no parenting. If you're ok with that go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.

It made your life easier because your mom didn't want him involved. Lets be real. Seeing him a few weeks in the summer isn't a relationship and stability would have been both parents equally involved.

I think her parents did the right thing. It is more stable for the kid. I would love that setup.

You love the set up as it would benefit you. That's pathetic.

It benefits the kids. Stability and routine is better.

Not Think that scenario would benefit me because I would have even less time than I already do.

I do get child support so I don’t know if you were thinking there would be some financial benefit because with equal earners that’s not the case.

I nest so I don’t inconvenience the kids. I am doing most of the parenting.

50/50 Custody is BS and terrible for kids. It puts the parents first and not the kids.

There would be no personal benefit of me having the kids most of the time: it would benefit the kids immensely.

50-50 custody has Stability and routine too … the talk of “bouncing around” is as if the kids don’t know what’s going to happen next … like a schedule is whimsical or something. Maybe some situations happen like this if parents aren’t consistent.

[Anonymous]

Tweens, yes. Teens generally don't want anything to do with their parents anyway.