Red flag if a guy doesn’t see kids often?

[Anonymous]

“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

[Anonymous]

Work to much, yes, that's a problem. Ex wife refuses to let him see the kids - need to find out if he or she is the problem.

[Anonymous]

We’re separated and DH hasn’t seen his kids in 6 wks, including a 4 month old. Run.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. It was only two dates.

The guy seemed nice, but something about the way he mentioned that he was too busy for 50-50 custody seemed weird.

Even if he isn’t a deadbeat, the alternative that he’s actually too busy isn’t appealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. It was only two dates.

The guy seemed nice, but something about the way he mentioned that he was too busy for 50-50 custody seemed weird.

Even if he isn’t a deadbeat, the alternative that he’s actually too busy isn’t appealing.

If he has time to date, he has time to see the kids more. There is a lot more to this story. Some women fight for full custody as they get more child support. If he is too busy for his current kids, what do you think married life with kids would be life?

[Anonymous]

A dad/parent who is not helping with weekday after school activities is a deadbeat. Being a good parent is a full-time responsibility.

Beware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

Depending on the distance and traffic it may not be realistic to drive over a few evenings a week to take them back and forth and eating out is expensive. There is more to this story. It is probably fake but if it is real, maybe mom does not want him to have more contact due to child support or something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.

It made your life easier because your mom didn't want him involved. Lets be real. Seeing him a few weeks in the summer isn't a relationship and stability would have been both parents equally involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.

See, and I’ve seen a lot of examples where the separation of parents is what’s confusing. When parents can actually effectively coparent together, and not worry about whose time it is, and who “should” be doing what when, it benefits the kid, and it’s not confusing at all. I don’t think it benefits kids to feel split from their other parent just because it’s the other parent’s time.

[Anonymous]

Probably. But, he gets a point for admitting he is a good dad with limits vs. waxing on about how he is the best dad ever and is so close to his kids and it turns out he actually rarely sees his kids. Also, 50/50 can be incredibly difficult for everyone and is not best for the kids in many cases. But, yeah, approach with caution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids aren’t his thing, his career is.

So as long as you don’t want kids, I don’t see an issue.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives.

Personally, I think a man who demands 50-50 custody to avoid child support while his new girlfriend or mother watch the kids is that sort to run from.

But I also think 50-50 custody is a legal travesty.

100% agree. And I am divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.

Your dad was/is absolutely a deadbeat. Seeing your child for only a few weeks a year is not a good parent. Not sure what kind of emotional abuse or manipulation he told you to twist your views like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“It might just mean his kids are well adjusted with mom and are very busy doing after school activities and that he doesn’t want to uproot their lives”

OP says that he doesn’t have time to see his kids. You can have a custody schedule that honors the kids needs to stay at the other parent’s home and still see your kids multiple times per week. Take them to and from practice, attending sporting and school events, taking them to dinner, doing homework with them, etc. This guy doesn’t want to put in the effort. He’s a deadbeat dad.

A deadbeat dad literally mean a dad who doesn’t pay child support. You gave no idea whether he is or isn’t paying child support.

Personally, I don’t think it’s beneficial to kids to have their dad pick them up from sports practice when they live with their mom. It’s confusing and anxiety inducing to bounce around from parent to parent, not knowing which one will be there. I think it’s kinder to take a step back and I say this as a child of divorce. I’m glad I only saw my dad in the summers. It made my life easier. He wasn’t a deadbeat at all. He was someone who respected my stability.

Your dad was/is absolutely a deadbeat. Seeing your child for only a few weeks a year is not a good parent. Not sure what kind of emotional abuse or manipulation he told you to twist your views like this.

He didn’t say anything. We lived in a different state for work reasons. He could have been an assh-le and not have allowed my mom to move for a better job, but he wasn’t. He never missed a child support payment and went above and beyond what was necessary financially. My mom remarried before he did. (My step-father is amazing.) My dad and I have a great relationship. I’m thankful that he didn’t treat me like the baby in the Solomon story.

I’m sorry that you are so messed up that you don’t understand what love really means and the sacrifices it sometimes entails.