Is this fair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dc is torn between two schools. One is 20/25k cheaper. Can we sway them to that one as a tiebreaker? I don't want to cause resentment.

No, not unless you were clear there was a set budget from the start

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the difference money you will be paying or loans they will have to pay back?

This would be the issue in our house. We’ve been clear about what we’re willing to pay since our kids were old enough to be talking about college. If mine choose the more expensive, it would be on their dime. All things being equal besides cost means that I’d be wasting six figures over the course of their college education and I’m never doing that. It’s not even a money issue. It’s that my 17 or 18 year old is not spending $100k of my money on something they could get for less just because they want to.

If you are that wealthy this makes no sense.

DP
Sure it does. Some wealthy people don’t like to throw money away. I certainly don’t.

Most wealthy people blow their money on all kinds of things. And education is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the difference money you will be paying or loans they will have to pay back?

This would be the issue in our house. We’ve been clear about what we’re willing to pay since our kids were old enough to be talking about college. If mine choose the more expensive, it would be on their dime. All things being equal besides cost means that I’d be wasting six figures over the course of their college education and I’m never doing that. It’s not even a money issue. It’s that my 17 or 18 year old is not spending $100k of my money on something they could get for less just because they want to.

I absolutely love this.

I think it’s sad if parents are that wealthy and leading that lifestyle.

I may be wealthy but my kids are not and they are not wasting my money. And I am wealthy because I don’t make stupid decisions. I love my kids which is why I teach them to live within their means and not mine.

Their means is nothing till they get an education and job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the difference money you will be paying or loans they will have to pay back?

This would be the issue in our house. We’ve been clear about what we’re willing to pay since our kids were old enough to be talking about college. If mine choose the more expensive, it would be on their dime. All things being equal besides cost means that I’d be wasting six figures over the course of their college education and I’m never doing that. It’s not even a money issue. It’s that my 17 or 18 year old is not spending $100k of my money on something they could get for less just because they want to.

If you are that wealthy this makes no sense.

DP
Sure it does. Some wealthy people don’t like to throw money away. I certainly don’t.

Most wealthy people blow their money on all kinds of things. And education is not one of them.

A motivated kid with good grades and self awareness will do well at any T150 school. There is absolutely no reason to blow 80k/yr on a “top school” when you can get the same education for much much less.

And please spare me the “connections” bs. That’s not the same as education. Which is all that matters to most of us normal people on this board.

[Anonymous]

If you have the money available and it sounds like you do I would say to go to cheaper university and then save the 80-100k to give to them as a downpayment on a house or graduate school.

[Anonymous]

My kid faced exactly this choice. We could afford both, but for this full year we've been talking about value-- that it's worth paying a lot for certain features, but that certain schools were not worth the extra money.

Kid chose the cheaper one and when I asked why, cited cost. And also asked if we'd put the difference in price away for grad school. I agreed. (It's possible we'll pay for all of grad school but we have multiple kids and I've told them all not to count on it. But in this case, I'm going to put the difference in price in a separate account each year so that it 'belongs' to this kid.)

FWIW, my kid's choice was my slight preference only for reasons of cost. On other factors, I also personally preferred the other one and would have been willing to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the difference money you will be paying or loans they will have to pay back?

This would be the issue in our house. We’ve been clear about what we’re willing to pay since our kids were old enough to be talking about college. If mine choose the more expensive, it would be on their dime. All things being equal besides cost means that I’d be wasting six figures over the course of their college education and I’m never doing that. It’s not even a money issue. It’s that my 17 or 18 year old is not spending $100k of my money on something they could get for less just because they want to.

I absolutely love this.

I think it’s sad if parents are that wealthy and leading that lifestyle.

I may be wealthy but my kids are not and they are not wasting my money. And I am wealthy because I don’t make stupid decisions. I love my kids which is why I teach them to live within their means and not mine.

Their means is nothing till they get an education and job.

This is an “all things equal” question, not whether you would pay more to get a superior education in a field that will make your kid more marketable. All things equal, I maintain, I am not turning over $100k so my kid can spend it on something that isn’t necessary.

And, to those who think you should pay for any school to which you allow your child to apply, that’s nuts. When you’re at the application stage, you don’t know what the cost will be because merit aid and scholarships have not even determined at that stage. Presumably if you are having this sort of conversation, need based aid is not a consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the difference money you will be paying or loans they will have to pay back?

This would be the issue in our house. We’ve been clear about what we’re willing to pay since our kids were old enough to be talking about college. If mine choose the more expensive, it would be on their dime. All things being equal besides cost means that I’d be wasting six figures over the course of their college education and I’m never doing that. It’s not even a money issue. It’s that my 17 or 18 year old is not spending $100k of my money on something they could get for less just because they want to.

I absolutely love this.

I think it’s sad if parents are that wealthy and leading that lifestyle.

I may be wealthy but my kids are not and they are not wasting my money. And I am wealthy because I don’t make stupid decisions. I love my kids which is why I teach them to live within their means and not mine.

You are not wealthy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the difference money you will be paying or loans they will have to pay back?

This would be the issue in our house. We’ve been clear about what we’re willing to pay since our kids were old enough to be talking about college. If mine choose the more expensive, it would be on their dime. All things being equal besides cost means that I’d be wasting six figures over the course of their college education and I’m never doing that. It’s not even a money issue. It’s that my 17 or 18 year old is not spending $100k of my money on something they could get for less just because they want to.

I absolutely love this.

I think it’s sad if parents are that wealthy and leading that lifestyle.

And I think it’s sad that people blow so much unnecessary money on college for either bragging rights or so they don’t disappoint their child.

There. I guess we’re even.

+1. My DC had plenty of money in his college fund to pay for four years at any college, and we can afford to pay for grad school, but he still considered cost as a factor. It wasn't completely determinative -- he didn't go to the even cheaper in state school, but he did go to a slightly less prestigious school that offered more merit aid vs. a similar private full pay college. He plans to go to graduate school, so having $$ left over for that was a consideration. I'm glad he understands that it's dumb to spend $$ just because you can.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Did you tell them from the beginning cost would be a factor and how heavily it would weigh? It seems like that should have been clear from the start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dc is torn between two schools. One is 20/25k cheaper. Can we sway them to that one as a tiebreaker? I don't want to cause resentment.

You explain your finances to your DC. Ideally it should have been explained back when they were generating a college list. Explain to them that 80-100K (total for 4 years) is a lot of money. If you don't have it all saved, and willing to use it for college, then let them know. Also, time to explain to them the value of $$$. Help them determine that the one school is not worth $100K more (few schools are, unless you can very easily afford it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your soon to be adult child SHOULD absolutely be taking finances into consideration unless you are filthy rich (I guess).

Right and can you couch it as if you go to cheaper school we will have more money for other things

This^^^ explain that you will be able to gift them $25K for a new car after college or $50K towards a downpayment at 24/25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cost difference is a perfectly reasonable tie-breaker if kid is otherwise undecided.

+1

Also, cost is a serious consideration for most (or should be), if the schools are similarly ranked. I'd encourage my kid to attend the cheaper one. For example: state flagships are typically similar in size (mostly large or larger) and offer similar vibes. So let's say: GaTech vs Purdue. Very similar schools, assuming STEM/engineering. No way I'd pay $100K extra for a degree from either of them. The value simply isn't there.

Since you state it's 2 state flagships, I'd recommend the cheaper and show your kid why

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the difference money you will be paying or loans they will have to pay back?

This would be the issue in our house. We’ve been clear about what we’re willing to pay since our kids were old enough to be talking about college. If mine choose the more expensive, it would be on their dime. All things being equal besides cost means that I’d be wasting six figures over the course of their college education and I’m never doing that. It’s not even a money issue. It’s that my 17 or 18 year old is not spending $100k of my money on something they could get for less just because they want to.

If you are that wealthy this makes no sense.

Very true, however most people on this board are NOT wealthy. Money does matter and value for money spent matters as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cost difference is a perfectly reasonable tie-breaker if kid is otherwise undecided.

+1

Also, cost is a serious consideration for most (or should be), if the schools are similarly ranked. I'd encourage my kid to attend the cheaper one. For example: state flagships are typically similar in size (mostly large or larger) and offer similar vibes. So let's say: GaTech vs Purdue. Very similar schools, assuming STEM/engineering. No way I'd pay $100K extra for a degree from either of them. The value simply isn't there.

Since you state it's 2 state flagships, I'd recommend the cheaper and show your kid why

It's UGA or Wisconsin- business (neither direct admit)