How long is the honeymoon period of 3 generation household?

[Anonymous]

2 days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they paying rent? If so, they should not be expected to be your housekeeper, childcare, cook, maid, which is what they are now.

Neither of us view it like that. It's a mutually beneficial relationship. Wouldn't work if they didn't like being part of the family.

Like I said, we are all easygoing

It worked really well for us for the first three-ish months of Covid. Like you, we are all easygoing and they helped a ton with the kids. Then we all sort of mutually wanted our own spaces again, so they went back home to another state. A year later they actually moved over near us and we’ve been very happy with that. They take the kids for the weekend once or twice a month, and usually come over here for a weeknight dinner so DH and I can work late or workout. Personally I think it works best when everyone can have their own independent home to go back to, even if those homes are near each other and you see each other frequently.

[Anonymous]

From your post, your in-laws seem healthy, active…and relatively young. It’s great that it’s working out so well for all of you. But why did they decide to move in with you at this point?

[Anonymous]

^ But I don’t want to rain on your parade! If you all are out and about all the time, giving everyone a chance to have downtime alone in the house, or separate wings with own living and cooking spaces, then it can be a very happy situation for a while! We didn’t have that because of COVID and no separate IL suite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the new year, my MIL and FIL moved in with us. They have a bedroom and bathroom on the ground floor, a little living room, and a little space with a sink, coffee pot, mini fridge.

They moved in with us because we had the space, they were ready to downsize, all the kids and grandkids live in this area and they were previously across the country. DH and I had many intense talks before inviting them, and we had a couple of intense talks with them about how things would look. So far, so good. They're only in their 60,s very active, very social, healthy, etc. FIL is still working part time. They moved here right after Christmas and jumped right into the community and getting involved with things. In the mornings, MIL gets the kids dressed while FIL makes breakfast for everyone, so DH and I can go work out. We get home, eat breakfast in like 5 minutes, one of us cleans up from breakfast while the other take the kids to school, shower and start work. FIL walks the dog. Sometimes MIL goes with him. Whoever is hungry first makes lunch for the four of us. Someone else cleans up. MIL starts dinner, FIL sets the table, DH walks the dog. FIL reads to the kids after dinner, MIL helps with homework and pjs.

We don't ask them to take the kids anywhere or drive them, but invite them to come with us if they're around. We handle cleaning the house, our and the kids laundry, food shopping, etc.

This is glorious. They are easy-going enough and pleasant, friendly, happy people who like to be busy and social. They've already had new friends over. Is this really what it's like, or is there a honeymoon period and it's all going to fall apart?

Sounds great. Sounds like it is and will be beneficial to everyone. Enjoy it and thank them for all their help. They probably feel useful and invigorated with these tasks. It sounds great for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the new year, my MIL and FIL moved in with us. They have a bedroom and bathroom on the ground floor, a little living room, and a little space with a sink, coffee pot, mini fridge.

They moved in with us because we had the space, they were ready to downsize, all the kids and grandkids live in this area and they were previously across the country. DH and I had many intense talks before inviting them, and we had a couple of intense talks with them about how things would look. So far, so good. They're only in their 60,s very active, very social, healthy, etc. FIL is still working part time. They moved here right after Christmas and jumped right into the community and getting involved with things. In the mornings, MIL gets the kids dressed while FIL makes breakfast for everyone, so DH and I can go work out. We get home, eat breakfast in like 5 minutes, one of us cleans up from breakfast while the other take the kids to school, shower and start work. FIL walks the dog. Sometimes MIL goes with him. Whoever is hungry first makes lunch for the four of us. Someone else cleans up. MIL starts dinner, FIL sets the table, DH walks the dog. FIL reads to the kids after dinner, MIL helps with homework and pjs.

We don't ask them to take the kids anywhere or drive them, but invite them to come with us if they're around. We handle cleaning the house, our and the kids laundry, food shopping, etc.

This is glorious. They are easy-going enough and pleasant, friendly, happy people who like to be busy and social. They've already had new friends over. Is this really what it's like, or is there a honeymoon period and it's all going to fall apart?

So, they are your full time nannies. That's so nice of you to handle your own cleaning and laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens if you have a dinner party or book club for your friends? Are they invited to everything? Or if yiu want to go on an outing with just your kids? Or order food they dont like for dinner?

Things like these can be sorted easily among reasonable people. They don't have to do everything together or eat every meal together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At the new year, my MIL and FIL moved in with us. They have a bedroom and bathroom on the ground floor, a little living room, and a little space with a sink, coffee pot, mini fridge.

They moved in with us because we had the space, they were ready to downsize, all the kids and grandkids live in this area and they were previously across the country. DH and I had many intense talks before inviting them, and we had a couple of intense talks with them about how things would look. So far, so good. They're only in their 60,s very active, very social, healthy, etc. FIL is still working part time. They moved here right after Christmas and jumped right into the community and getting involved with things. In the mornings, MIL gets the kids dressed while FIL makes breakfast for everyone, so DH and I can go work out. We get home, eat breakfast in like 5 minutes, one of us cleans up from breakfast while the other take the kids to school, shower and start work. FIL walks the dog. Sometimes MIL goes with him. Whoever is hungry first makes lunch for the four of us. Someone else cleans up. MIL starts dinner, FIL sets the table, DH walks the dog. FIL reads to the kids after dinner, MIL helps with homework and pjs.

We don't ask them to take the kids anywhere or drive them, but invite them to come with us if they're around. We handle cleaning the house, our and the kids laundry, food shopping, etc.

This is glorious. They are easy-going enough and pleasant, friendly, happy people who like to be busy and social. They've already had new friends over. Is this really what it's like, or is there a honeymoon period and it's all going to fall apart?

So, they are your full time nannies. That's so nice of you to handle your own cleaning and laundry.

It seems they are really reasonable, helpful and capable. OP and family are lucky.

[Anonymous]

OP did give away couple's privacy and portion of the house so its not like OP is the only one benefiting. It sounds like a mutually beneficial setup.

[Anonymous]

My maternal grandma moved in with us when I was 8. It was wonderful. She was healthy and active and really helped in keeping the house in order and was built in child care. She fortunately never had a lengthy illness (heart attack) and my dad talks of her so fondly and never had an issue with her. But my dad grew up in a multi gen immigrant tenament in nyc so he was used to it unlike many now.previously his own mother lived in our house during hospice but I was a baby so don’t remember how that went.

[Anonymous]

I would hate it, but I want to make my own lunch and need my own space.

[Anonymous]

Sounds amazing! Good for you and your family OP. The honeymoon doesn’t have to end. Your kids are forming priceless bonds with their grandparents and are growing up watching how functional adult relationships work.
I have a similar relationship with my in-laws, we don’t live together but they’re local and pitch in with a lot of kid help when we need it but also have active lives of their own. If we ever decided to live together I imagine it would be very similar.
Eventually there will be aging/ health issues to deal with but since we have had a good relationship to begin with, I’m hopeful that we can find ways to deal with all of it with grace.

[Anonymous]

Intergenerational living has been the norm for most of human history. Just keep communicating and make sure everyone’s boundaries are respected.

Will something change in the future? Definitely. But you sound like flexible, kind, and caring people with a close bond. You will navigate it.

[Anonymous]

For me was around 2 years. I would not suggest it unless it’s cultural and/or you need to do so for financial reasons.

It saved us 50k+ a year in childcare and still wasn’t worth it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t call it a honeymoon, but we’ve been doing it for 20+ years now, and overall it has been very beneficial to all of us. Our 3-generation family unit is very connected.