Childcare : what the science says

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rather than shaming moms who work, how about we figure out how to improve access to high quality childcare? And improve the outcomes for children who are in daycare.

Stop shaming moms.

SAHMs who lack confidence in their decision are always going to try to shame working mothers in order to make themselves feel better. ALWAYS.

You guys shame us for being lazy and bad feminists. I was horribly abused by working mothers (midwives) my last pregnancy to the point I have PTSD and medical anxiety, I think because they thought I am stupid and wouldn't realize what they were doing. I floored that B when I interpreted ultrasound information from the images. And I am going to sue. So yeah, I don't have a high opinion of working moms. Sorry not sorry. I didn't start the war, but I will fight it.

Wow. I’m the first PP who said to stop shaming moms. I didn’t say to stop shaming “working moms” - I said “moms”. For a reason.

I’m sorry you got subpar care from midwives, I did too when I had my son years ago. The PTSD is real, and I was lucky that EMDR was helpful therapy for me.

Please don’t equate all working moms to the midwives who gave you subpar care - that’s an odd reason to think poorly of all working mothers? I’m not even a doctor, or in the medical profession, but since I was single when my son was young I had to work to pay the bills. Plus I’d be very unhappy as a sahm.

They almost killed my baby. I will have a chip on my shoulder forever. They mistreated me because they think I am stupid and because we are "poor", living on one income.

I’m very sorry. Them being working moms had nothing to do with it.

Please seek treatment - EMDR therapy is very good for healing trauma.

[Anonymous]

Posters saying “you can’t tell the difference” between daycare and sahm kids have no idea what is actually at stake.

Beyond a minor effect, it’s not actually about grades, athletics l, social skills or future criminality…. Early years childcare is about nervous system regulation. This shows up in our most intimate, private circumstances—in our sense of self-worth and ability to maintain secure attachments. All of this can be compromised even in someone who is successful and married well. You can’t tell from the outside looking in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rather than shaming moms who work, how about we figure out how to improve access to high quality childcare? And improve the outcomes for children who are in daycare.

Stop shaming moms.

SAHMs who lack confidence in their decision are always going to try to shame working mothers in order to make themselves feel better. ALWAYS.

You guys shame us for being lazy and bad feminists. I was horribly abused by working mothers (midwives) my last pregnancy to the point I have PTSD and medical anxiety, I think because they thought I am stupid and wouldn't realize what they were doing. I floored that B when I interpreted ultrasound information from the images. And I am going to sue. So yeah, I don't have a high opinion of working moms. Sorry not sorry. I didn't start the war, but I will fight it.

You...had a bad experience with midwives, so you hate all working mothers? Okay then.

Yep. They almost killed my baby. They drive up cost of living. They sneer down their nose at me. I was happy to live and let live until they almost killed my baby. So yeah, daycare is bad for kids. Deal with it.

Having a whack job mother is also bad for kids. If they really almost killed your baby why didn’t you sue and get some money to make up for the cost of living or whatever. I’m guessing you just had a naturally stressful birth experience and are mad at the world and how you can’t afford anything so you’re lashing out at working moms. Let us know how that works out for your family …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posters saying “you can’t tell the difference” between daycare and sahm kids have no idea what is actually at stake.

Beyond a minor effect, it’s not actually about grades, athletics l, social skills or future criminality…. Early years childcare is about nervous system regulation. This shows up in our most intimate, private circumstances—in our sense of self-worth and ability to maintain secure attachments. All of this can be compromised even in someone who is successful and married well. You can’t tell from the outside looking in

You are painting a picture of daycare kids all being broken inside and that is emphatically not what "the science" says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posters saying “you can’t tell the difference” between daycare and sahm kids have no idea what is actually at stake.

Beyond a minor effect, it’s not actually about grades, athletics l, social skills or future criminality…. Early years childcare is about nervous system regulation. This shows up in our most intimate, private circumstances—in our sense of self-worth and ability to maintain secure attachments. All of this can be compromised even in someone who is successful and married well. You can’t tell from the outside looking in

I really hope this was not a serious post. Congratulations, you’ve now posted one of the stupidest things I’ve read on dcum.

[Anonymous]

The anonymous troll that wrote that blog post has succeeded in stoking a gross "mommy wars" debate. Good work, whoever you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posters saying “you can’t tell the difference” between daycare and sahm kids have no idea what is actually at stake.

Beyond a minor effect, it’s not actually about grades, athletics l, social skills or future criminality…. Early years childcare is about nervous system regulation. This shows up in our most intimate, private circumstances—in our sense of self-worth and ability to maintain secure attachments. All of this can be compromised even in someone who is successful and married well. You can’t tell from the outside looking in

If no one can tell, what is the consequence exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posters saying “you can’t tell the difference” between daycare and sahm kids have no idea what is actually at stake.

Beyond a minor effect, it’s not actually about grades, athletics l, social skills or future criminality…. Early years childcare is about nervous system regulation. This shows up in our most intimate, private circumstances—in our sense of self-worth and ability to maintain secure attachments. All of this can be compromised even in someone who is successful and married well. You can’t tell from the outside looking in

If no one can tell, what is the consequence exactly?

Mothers who have their own income and retirement savings and can afford to divorce their husbands if they treat them poorly. Scary, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posters saying “you can’t tell the difference” between daycare and sahm kids have no idea what is actually at stake.

Beyond a minor effect, it’s not actually about grades, athletics l, social skills or future criminality…. Early years childcare is about nervous system regulation. This shows up in our most intimate, private circumstances—in our sense of self-worth and ability to maintain secure attachments. All of this can be compromised even in someone who is successful and married well. You can’t tell from the outside looking in

Do you spend all your time scrolling through trad wife instagram? This is totally made up BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posters saying “you can’t tell the difference” between daycare and sahm kids have no idea what is actually at stake.

Beyond a minor effect, it’s not actually about grades, athletics l, social skills or future criminality…. Early years childcare is about nervous system regulation. This shows up in our most intimate, private circumstances—in our sense of self-worth and ability to maintain secure attachments. All of this can be compromised even in someone who is successful and married well. You can’t tell from the outside looking in

If no one can tell, what is the consequence exactly?

That any insecurity or relationship issue someone has in their lives, ever, can probably be blamed on Mom sending them to day care because she didn't love them enough

[Anonymous]

My oldest two went to daycare, and I was a SAHM for my younger two. They are all young adults or older teens, and I don't see a difference.

As many folks have stated, there are some crappy, checked out SAHP out there.

I feel like it is almost impossible to set up a meaningful study to actually get at the heart of the question of whether daycare or SAHP is better. My guess is many factors come into play including child's temperament, quality of parenting, quality of daycare, among many others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posters saying “you can’t tell the difference” between daycare and sahm kids have no idea what is actually at stake.

Beyond a minor effect, it’s not actually about grades, athletics l, social skills or future criminality…. Early years childcare is about nervous system regulation. This shows up in our most intimate, private circumstances—in our sense of self-worth and ability to maintain secure attachments. All of this can be compromised even in someone who is successful and married well. You can’t tell from the outside looking in

If no one can tell, what is the consequence exactly?

That any insecurity or relationship issue someone has in their lives, ever, can probably be blamed on Mom sending them to day care because she didn't love them enough

Well mom is going to be blamed if someone who had a SAHM and never went to daycare experiences insecurities/questions of self-worth in life anyway, so seems like there's not a big difference there.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t say daycare is bad. Just “bad” in terms of increased cortisol for kids under twelve months.I can totally see that. A baby needs one on one attention almost non stop and I don’t think daycare gives that to that age group

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sah with my kids back then (woh full time now) and my biggest takeaway knowing all my kids friends, some who were in daycare, some who were home…it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. The sah kids are no more creative than daycare kids. The daycare kids don’t have better social skills. If any of them have mental health issues, they would have had them anyway. I hate these studies, they just contribute to the mommy wars. They create guilt where it’s unnecessary.

I don't know. I also have older kids now and the best students -- best grades and calmest -- in the class either had SAH moms or nannies from 0-3.

Once we know better, I don't think we (as a society) should look away from it. This is one of the reasons that most other advanced, wealthy countries encourage parental leave for 1-2 years.

[Anonymous]

(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)