Childcare : what the science says

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)

Wow, you should tell them! You have to share your wisdom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)

Wow, you should tell them! You have to share your wisdom.

Right. that's why our whole society needs to listen to the science on this, and support parental leave. It shouldn't be a guilt-ridden Mommy Wars issue, it should be something we all agree to do for our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is my current understanding that the most important thing is to have a real relationship with love and connection between parent and child. But the child must feel loved, not just be loved. Some parents do not have that skill set. I would say it is more important for that parent to gain those skill sets so the time they do spend with their children is spent making them feel loved. One hour feeling loved by your parents is much more helpful than ten hours with them feeling neutral or unloved.

Thank you for this insight - this is something I can improve upon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the study? Whats the sample size? Who funded it?

Always a reason to shame women for liking their careers or (gasp reality) having to work.

I find the sahm parents or nanny parents insufferable when their kids get to school.

They have zero idea how to cut the cord and no know the color of their kids poop. The kids also seem stunted to me when it comes to making friends.

Btw I notice this when their kids are 7 and 8. I hope it gets better

I hate how some people always find a reason to shame sahms as a monolithic group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)

Wow, you should tell them! You have to share your wisdom.

Right. that's why our whole society needs to listen to the science on this, and support parental leave. It shouldn't be a guilt-ridden Mommy Wars issue, it should be something we all agree to do for our children.

The statement "also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time" is not remotely scientific.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't take science to convince me that infants and toddlers do better or even just as well in an institutional daycare setting for 8+ hours a day as opposed to being cared for in their own home by a parent who loves them totally.

Clearly there are many variations of these two scenarios that influence which is best, I'm talking about in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)

Wow, you should tell them! You have to share your wisdom.

Right. that's why our whole society needs to listen to the science on this, and support parental leave. It shouldn't be a guilt-ridden Mommy Wars issue, it should be something we all agree to do for our children.

"the science" is not one study or blog post. It is a set of studies of varying quality. Different people have come to different conclusions about what the results of the existing studies actually mean. The author of the blog post cited by OP clearly has an opinion on this, yet has not been willing to put their actual name on it. There are much more nuanced summaries of the evidence on this issue where the authors have actually been willing to stand behind what they wrote, including:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/202002/the-deal-daycare-what-do-the-data-denote
https://parentdata.org/day-care-bad-children/

It saddens me to hear that some parents have left the workforce based on an anonymous blog post, though I'm hopeful that they simply used the blog post to justify the choice they would have made anyway to stay home, which is a perfectly valid choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sah with my kids back then (woh full time now) and my biggest takeaway knowing all my kids friends, some who were in daycare, some who were home…it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. The sah kids are no more creative than daycare kids. The daycare kids don’t have better social skills. If any of them have mental health issues, they would have had them anyway. I hate these studies, they just contribute to the mommy wars. They create guilt where it’s unnecessary.

I don't know. I also have older kids now and the best students -- best grades and calmest -- in the class either had SAH moms or nannies from 0-3.

Once we know better, I don't think we (as a society) should look away from it. This is one of the reasons that most other advanced, wealthy countries encourage parental leave for 1-2 years.

Are you their teacher? How else would you know this?

[Anonymous]

This is not controversial in many countries that are very similar to ours, like Canada, the UK, Australia and most of Europe -- parental leave for 1-2 years is the default.

If that was the default here and was supported from the top down, no one would be making the argument to send infants to daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not controversial in many countries that are very similar to ours, like Canada, the UK, Australia and most of Europe -- parental leave for 1-2 years is the default.

If that was the default here and was supported from the top down, no one would be making the argument to send infants to daycare.

You make it sound like infant child care is unheard of in these countries. That's not true. In fact, there has been a spirited debate about the availability of subsidized child care for children ages 0 to 4 in Quebec, where we are told child care is traumatizing children (yet the government continues to subsidize it). The UK just expanded funding for children down to 9 months old.

Parental leave is wonderful. It is most important for the first few months of the child's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)

Wow, you should tell them! You have to share your wisdom.

Right. that's why our whole society needs to listen to the science on this, and support parental leave. It shouldn't be a guilt-ridden Mommy Wars issue, it should be something we all agree to do for our children.

"the science" is not one study or blog post. It is a set of studies of varying quality. Different people have come to different conclusions about what the results of the existing studies actually mean. The author of the blog post cited by OP clearly has an opinion on this, yet has not been willing to put their actual name on it. There are much more nuanced summaries of the evidence on this issue where the authors have actually been willing to stand behind what they wrote, including:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/202002/the-deal-daycare-what-do-the-data-denote
https://parentdata.org/day-care-bad-children/

It saddens me to hear that some parents have left the workforce based on an anonymous blog post, though I'm hopeful that they simply used the blog post to justify the choice they would have made anyway to stay home, which is a perfectly valid choice.

But the nihcd study is pretty much bad news actually. Only 11% of daycares are excellent and so the effect for ~90% of day care kids is therefore negative unless you come from a very troubled home? It basically just reinforces the blog post. What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t say daycare is bad. Just “bad” in terms of increased cortisol for kids under twelve months.I can totally see that. A baby needs one on one attention almost non stop and I don’t think daycare gives that to that age group

One on one attention. I know daycare has different ratios by state, but in the DMV the ratio of infants to caregivers is 3:1. My kids were at 3:1 centers or 2:1 at an in home daycare. In bright sunny rooms built for age appropriate play and naps. My kids had more one on one attention at daycare than my neighbor’s kids who are the youngest of 3-5 kids. My kids never had to take stroller naps at a sibling’s activity or have their caregiver distracted by older children with different needs.

Daycare is pretty awesome IMO and the socioeconomic advantages they gain from my earning power not insignificant either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posters saying “you can’t tell the difference” between daycare and sahm kids have no idea what is actually at stake.

Beyond a minor effect, it’s not actually about grades, athletics l, social skills or future criminality…. Early years childcare is about nervous system regulation. This shows up in our most intimate, private circumstances—in our sense of self-worth and ability to maintain secure attachments. All of this can be compromised even in someone who is successful and married well. You can’t tell from the outside looking in

+1 I know multiple women who stayed married to alcoholics who also abused them and their kids. They did not have their own money to walk away and/or give their kids a better life because they would have been on the street. The kids are all now very damaged adults.



If no one can tell, what is the consequence exactly?

Mothers who have their own income and retirement savings and can afford to divorce their husbands if they treat them poorly. Scary, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)

Wow, you should tell them! You have to share your wisdom.

Right. that's why our whole society needs to listen to the science on this, and support parental leave. It shouldn't be a guilt-ridden Mommy Wars issue, it should be something we all agree to do for our children.

"the science" is not one study or blog post. It is a set of studies of varying quality. Different people have come to different conclusions about what the results of the existing studies actually mean. The author of the blog post cited by OP clearly has an opinion on this, yet has not been willing to put their actual name on it. There are much more nuanced summaries of the evidence on this issue where the authors have actually been willing to stand behind what they wrote, including:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/202002/the-deal-daycare-what-do-the-data-denote
https://parentdata.org/day-care-bad-children/

It saddens me to hear that some parents have left the workforce based on an anonymous blog post, though I'm hopeful that they simply used the blog post to justify the choice they would have made anyway to stay home, which is a perfectly valid choice.

But the nihcd study is pretty much bad news actually. Only 11% of daycares are excellent and so the effect for ~90% of day care kids is therefore negative unless you come from a very troubled home? It basically just reinforces the blog post. What am I missing?

Both of the summaries I posted (which you didn't read) acknowledge that daycare may have negative effects. The question is how negative. And is that effect real or reflective of other variables besides daycare? Is it worth taking a significant cut in lifetime earnings and retirement savings for the parent?

[Anonymous]

NP. Life may have negative side effects on kids.

I despise sloppy science. Absolutely despise it.