| I just told my kid to use a CONDOM. |
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I left a party that was off campus and really crowded earlier than a girl I had a class with because she didn’t want to leave when I did. I didn’t feel comfortable there. Lots of drugs and it made me uncomfortable.
She got into a car with an upperclassman later that night and they wrecked and she died. I know it’s not my fault and I had no responsibility here, but I still wish she would have listened to me. |
Glad to meet my twin. I am terrible with alcohol so turned to strength training and walking to work off the problems. Made some friends that way. Also stayed out of drinking parties because a guy on my floor said, "people you meet at those things aren't people you want to know". He was right and still remember him saying that decades later. |
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It is strange how back then I could swear I was having fun getting drunk, going to bars, parties, hooking up … But I really wasn’t. I drank because I felt like I needed to fit in and because that’s the only way I was brave enough to be with the opposite sex. My friends were all drinking and hooking up and I felt like if I wasn’t doing that too there was something wrong with me.
What I told DS: don’t be pressured into doing things you don’t want to do |
| I didn’t attend class on Monday mornings all of freshman year (too hungover). Got notes from various friends that attended. Ended up with an A in that class. Do as I say, not as I did….. |
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Got pregnant, had the baby, gave him up for adoption
Its both the worst and best thing I’ve ever done My kids know |
| Dropped out. DS knows. He's better prepared academically. |
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These stories are kind of lame.
I'm betting your parents who went to college in the 1970's have better stories than you do. |
| Hockey team. Didn't tell. |
All at once? Or just worked your way through diligently? |
Probably. And I hope my kids' stories are even more lame than mine. I'd consider that progress on the "Darwin" scale! That said, I'm all for them taking informed and resonable risks in life. Trying things, making mistakes, and learning from them. I agree with on of the PPs who said that many aspects of judgment and maturity are developed through experience, not because we were told by someone else. My role is to share what I think is appropriate to help my kids take informed and reasonable risks. I don't expect them to play it 100% safe. But I do hope they learn in a way that keeps them safer around the margins. Specific things I've shared with DD and plan to share with DS when he's a bit older: - I don't think it's necessary to get drunk while underage or in college. But I don't think it's "wrong" either. I did it plenty of times, enjoyed myself immensely, and thankfully, nothing truly awful happened. Though there were so many times I was vulnerable and things could have gone the other way . . . which is almost always the case when you're drunk. - So, if you do decide to drink to the point of drunkenness, make sure it's a choice - don't do it impulsively or "accidentally" - and be sure you're in a safe environment. That means you have a safe way home, plus a friend/wingman who can and will look out for you and help prevent you from making bad decisions. (Also, graciously play that role for your friends (or others) whenever you can. We can have a lot of fun when drunk, but that's a time we need a second brain to help. It takes a village sometimes.) - Pretty much the same advice re sex. I certainly don't think it's necessary to have random hookups or sex in college. But I don't think it's "wrong" either. Just like with drunkenness, I had some great times and learned so much about so many things as a result of those adventures and hookups. No regrets! - But again, make sure that your adventures are actual choices. It's important to have enough presence and control to be able to say no and walk away if/when you want, which means keeping an eye on the alcohol - yours and your partner's! If either of you are out of your mind that way, it's impossible to consent and therefore a bad idea - things can end really badly, and it's not worth it. - Finally, for both drinking and sex: As many PPs said above, life can feel pretty awkward and uncomfortable sometimes. Especially in our teens and twenties, it's pretty common for people to feel uncomfortable in their skin at times, especially in certain phases or situations. The key is to pay attention. NOTICE and RESPECT those feelings. They're usually telling you something - maybe tthat it's time to make a different choice (leave a situation / relationship / group) or to get more support to help figure your sh*t out. - This is NOT the time to turn to drinking, drugs, or sex. When you're feeling awkward/uncomfortable, it's normal to want to distract, self-soothe, or numb yourself so you don't feel that way. That's ok, but you want to do so in a way where you're still in control of yourself and able to stay safe and make good decisions. Alcohol, drugs, and hookups/sex (depending on the context) tend to do the opposite. When you're in that mood, they're likely to make things worse, not better. |
NP. "Dillegently" made me LOL. In all the best ways!
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Bought a “canned term paper.” Paid someone to re-type it. Turned it in and got an A.
Kids in FCPS are all cheating with ChatGPT now (and FCPS has been told about it). So I don’t feel all that bad. Especially after what Harvard pres. Gay got away with for years. |
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My boys know I did a keg-stand a few times in college. I'm early 50s, hardly drink, and am the farthest thing from a party girl; so my kids basically fell off their chairs with the news.
The other stuff...I'll never tell them. |
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My kids think I am lame, when a college friend came to visit and told some PG-rated stories they insisted the friend was making it up. My friend and I laughed really hard— imagine if they had heard the R rated stories (or unrated, haha).
I can’t even believe some of the stuff we did. I look back with equal parts fondness and horror. |