Reply to Tell the worst thing u did in college & Did u tell your college kid?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]These stories are kind of lame.

I'm betting your parents who went to college in the 1970's have better stories than you do.[/quote]

Probably.  And I hope my kids' stories are even more lame than mine.  I'd consider that progress on the "Darwin" scale!

That said, I'm all for them taking informed and resonable risks in life.  Trying things, making mistakes, and learning from them.   I agree with on of the PPs who said that many aspects of judgment and maturity are developed through experience, not because we were told by someone else.

My role is to share what I think is appropriate to help my kids take informed and reasonable risks.  I don't expect them to play it 100% safe.  But I do hope they learn in a way that keeps them safer around the margins.

Specific things I've shared with DD and plan to share with DS when he's a bit older:

- I don't think it's necessary to get drunk while underage or in college.  But I don't think it's "wrong" either.  I did it plenty of times, enjoyed myself immensely, and thankfully, nothing truly awful happened.  Though there were so many times I was vulnerable and things could have gone the other way . . . which is almost always the case when you're drunk.

- So, if you do decide to drink to the point of drunkenness, make sure it's a choice - don't do it impulsively or "accidentally" - and be sure you're in a safe environment.  That means you have a safe way home, plus a friend/wingman who can and will look out for you and help prevent you from making bad decisions. (Also, graciously play that role for your friends (or others) whenever you can. We can have a lot of fun when drunk, but that's a time we need a second brain to help.  It takes a village sometimes.)

- Pretty much the same advice re sex.  I certainly don't think it's necessary to have random hookups or sex in college.  But I don't think it's "wrong" either.  Just like with drunkenness, I had some great times and learned so much about so many things as a result of those adventures and hookups.  No regrets!

- But again, make sure that your adventures are actual choices. It's important to have enough presence and control to be able to say no and walk away if/when you want, which means keeping an eye on the alcohol - yours and your partner's! If either of you are out of your mind that way, it's impossible to consent and therefore a bad idea - things can end really badly, and it's not worth it.

- Finally, for both drinking and sex: As many PPs said above, life can feel pretty awkward and uncomfortable sometimes. Especially in our teens and twenties, it's pretty common for people to feel uncomfortable in their skin at times, especially in certain phases or situations.  The key is to pay attention. NOTICE and RESPECT those feelings.  They're usually telling you something - maybe tthat it's time to make a different choice (leave a situation / relationship / group) or to get more support to help figure your sh*t out.

- This is NOT the time to turn to drinking, drugs, or sex.  When you're feeling awkward/uncomfortable, it's normal to want to distract, self-soothe, or numb yourself so you don't feel that way.  That's ok, but you want to do so in a way where you're still in control of yourself and able to stay safe and make good decisions.  Alcohol, drugs, and hookups/sex (depending on the context) tend to do the opposite.  When you're in that mood, they're likely to make things worse, not better.   [/quote]

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