Expecting Grandchildren?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read an interesting agony letter in the daily mail about older parents being upset that their only DC doesn’t want children. I am surprised by this but feel like I must be missing something. Is having the urge to have grandchildren something as deep and consuming as having own DCs? Is this some sort of innate desire or just an added bonus? My kids are teenagers so I have no desire whatsoever to have grandchildren (yet), but always knew I wanted kids. Also, isn’t it rightfully every adult’s own choice whether to have kids or not? How can the grandparents even expect or demand that their DC go through this life altering experience (that lasts decades, costs millions, is so much work and responsibility), if they don’t want to?

I think most of us understand that life's deepest meaning, joy and sorrow come from parenting and we want that for our kids. Shallow pursuit of materialism and "experiences" will leave our kids with regret when it is too late.

I have kids, love them and love parenting, but you can’t generalize like this. People derive meaning from all sorts of paths in life. I suspect Jane Goodall for example views her life as very meaningful and fulfilling.

[Anonymous]

I'm not even 30 yet, but so far I think I would be ok without grandkids. My oldest says she does not want children, that if she did have children she would adopt, but shes only seven so I don't take it too seriously. She says she wants to travel. I think she sees my sister and I, I had kids young and all my time, money and energy goes to them. Meanwhile, my sister has a great career and husband without children (though she wants them someday). The economy is another reason I would be fine without them, imagine the price of groceries by the time my children's children have to pay for them! When I think about that, I don't even want grandkids.

[Anonymous]

I have only one child and would be absolutely devastated if he never had children. For one thing, I was older when I had him and after my husband and I are gone he will have no family left anywhere. The thought of him being so alone breaks my heart. For another, having suffered through infertility for so many years and then being lucky enough to have my one, I find something so sad and dismal about never having children. And also, the thought of being completely forgotten on this earth makes me sad. I don't want our family to end like that.

[Anonymous]

I have four children in their low 30s. One is married, none have children.
I doubt that I'll have any.
They all have a congenital condition -discovered when the youngest was 14 - they don't want to pass on to their children and my daughters' condition would get worse if they became pregnant.
Sure they could adopt but I don't think any of them want to. They all are very comfortable and happy and don't want their lives disrupted by a societal expectation.
My husband and I have a very big life traveling, working and doing our hobbies.
I would love grandchildren but will be fine with or without them.
What hurts is people making comments to them or us asking when it's going to happen.
Just stop. It's none of your business and it certainly isn't ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read an interesting agony letter in the daily mail about older parents being upset that their only DC doesn’t want children. I am surprised by this but feel like I must be missing something. Is having the urge to have grandchildren something as deep and consuming as having own DCs? Is this some sort of innate desire or just an added bonus? My kids are teenagers so I have no desire whatsoever to have grandchildren (yet), but always knew I wanted kids. Also, isn’t it rightfully every adult’s own choice whether to have kids or not? How can the grandparents even expect or demand that their DC go through this life altering experience (that lasts decades, costs millions, is so much work and responsibility), if they don’t want to?

I think most of us understand that life's deepest meaning, joy and sorrow come from parenting and we want that for our kids. Shallow pursuit of materialism and "experiences" will leave our kids with regret when it is too late.

I have kids, love them and love parenting, but you can’t generalize like this. People derive meaning from all sorts of paths in life. I suspect Jane Goodall for example views her life as very meaningful and fulfilling.

There are a lot more people pursuing shallow materialism than spending their lives recording apes. So yes, I believe my assertion above and think that people who don't have kids (because some people can't) can have meaningful lives, but they are still missing something. The people who CHOOSE not to have kids, yeah, I think most of their choices are selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have four children in their low 30s. One is married, none have children.
I doubt that I'll have any.
They all have a congenital condition -discovered when the youngest was 14 - they don't want to pass on to their children and my daughters' condition would get worse if they became pregnant.
Sure they could adopt but I don't think any of them want to. They all are very comfortable and happy and don't want their lives disrupted by a societal expectation.
My husband and I have a very big life traveling, working and doing our hobbies.
I would love grandchildren but will be fine with or without them.
What hurts is people making comments to them or us asking when it's going to happen.
Just stop. It's none of your business and it certainly isn't ours.

None of the 4 want kids? That’s not really normal. Even with a medical condition. I’d wonder what kind of trauma they went through as kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have four children in their low 30s. One is married, none have children.
I doubt that I'll have any.
They all have a congenital condition -discovered when the youngest was 14 - they don't want to pass on to their children and my daughters' condition would get worse if they became pregnant.
Sure they could adopt but I don't think any of them want to. They all are very comfortable and happy and don't want their lives disrupted by a societal expectation.
My husband and I have a very big life traveling, working and doing our hobbies.
I would love grandchildren but will be fine with or without them.
What hurts is people making comments to them or us asking when it's going to happen.
Just stop. It's none of your business and it certainly isn't ours.

None of the 4 want kids? That’s not really normal. Even with a medical condition. I’d wonder what kind of trauma they went through as kids.

There was no trauma. And I'm tired of ppl assuming otherwise. They saw how hard we worked and how many sacrifices we made (we didn't expect our third pregnancy to be triplets) and don't want that for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get why people even want grandkids. They aren’t near as much fun as having your own kids. I don’t see any grandparents having the energy to run around with grandkids or play on the floor with them. I had my kids knowing I may never get grandkids. And that’s why it’s important to make the 18 years I have with kids count. We had them for ourselves and not for our parents. I see a lot of grandparents making unfair demands on holidays and grandkid time.

We are having a blast with our grandkids. You’re just used to older couples who are obsessed with careers and wait too long to have their own kids - by which time the grandparents are old. Not everybody lives like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read an interesting agony letter in the daily mail about older parents being upset that their only DC doesn’t want children. I am surprised by this but feel like I must be missing something. Is having the urge to have grandchildren something as deep and consuming as having own DCs? Is this some sort of innate desire or just an added bonus? My kids are teenagers so I have no desire whatsoever to have grandchildren (yet), but always knew I wanted kids. Also, isn’t it rightfully every adult’s own choice whether to have kids or not? How can the grandparents even expect or demand that their DC go through this life altering experience (that lasts decades, costs millions, is so much work and responsibility), if they don’t want to?

I think most of us understand that life's deepest meaning, joy and sorrow come from parenting and we want that for our kids. Shallow pursuit of materialism and "experiences" will leave our kids with regret when it is too late.

I have kids, love them and love parenting, but you can’t generalize like this. People derive meaning from all sorts of paths in life. I suspect Jane Goodall for example views her life as very meaningful and fulfilling.

There are a lot more people pursuing shallow materialism than spending their lives recording apes. So yes, I believe my assertion above and think that people who don't have kids (because some people can't) can have meaningful lives, but they are still missing something. The people who CHOOSE not to have kids, yeah, I think most of their choices are selfish.

Get ahold of yourself. Many people have kids for purely selfish reasons, then it becomes all about them and their kids and the hell with the rest of humanity. That’s the very definition of selfish.

[Anonymous]

Grandkids are overrated.