Signs once wealthy now in genteel poverty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm from the impoverished aristocracy. The back staircase in the family castle has been slowly crumbling for a century but no one's done anything about it, because no one has that kind of money. Plus, my uncle who lives there cares more about his prize-winning horses and hunting hounds.

The solution, as it always is, is to marry a wealthy commoner to inject some cash. I have a Jewish-American ancestor who was willing to cross the Atlantic, live in a pile of stone, get preferential seating in social settings and have a titled attached to her name, in exchange for money (a la Downton Abbey). That sort of thing was not uncommon.

Fortunes wax and wane at every generation. Some my parents' generation are middle class, some are downright poor (on government aid, etc). I married well. My cousins did not, but are doing OK.

When I look at this across hundreds of years of family history, individual outcomes seem quite insignificant. I find it a relief, as in, it's not all on me.

You’ve obviously watched too much Downton Abbey and read to much Jane Austin - especially if your an American talking about a family castle! I have family that came over on the Mayflower and my mother is an immigrant. Like many Americans we’ve had a steady influx of immigrant blood through the years (you know, white protestant blood like Scottish or English); until my mother who is white but Catholic (gasp). I’m sure if I cared about genealogy someone in my history has a castle, but it’s not something anyone in this century of America thinks about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Living with mom in a large dilapidated house in East Hampton

[Anonymous]

The Astor Orphan. A memoir of an Astor descendent living in the Hudson Valley. But I wouldn't call it genteel poverty. Just plain poverty in a giant, falling apart mansion on a beautiful piece of land. They're probably still there.

[Anonymous]

I once dated a Vanderbilt who was a journalist. There were just too many descendants and the fortune was diluted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can have millions, but if you invest too conservatively, spend too readily, and live too long in retirement, you can end up with little/no money. Retirees generally don’t sufficiently plan for inflation.

As for a story, my BILs father was once a prominent psychiatrist making very good money in the 1980s. The family had a large home in the best metro suburb. He worked, gradually in a diminished capacity, until 70. Yet, after a mid-life divorce and a spendy second wife, he ended up penniless in a local nursing home. The son even paid his father’s taxes about five years before his dad’s death.

Unless these were back taxes, he shouldn’t have owed anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you mean like Cohen? that is weird

Cohen is the priestly caste. You are supposed to marry another Cohen (though it can be spelled differently) so your sons will also be if the priestly caste.

It’s not that you are actually related to the other Cohens. You just have an ever shrinking gene pool and inherited conditions become more common. Other last names will get fresh genes from conversions and adoptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this one! Went to one of the Big 3 DC privates and an Ivy, married a rich guy, was a SAHM, but is now divorced, has a job, and kids are in public school (Bethesda, but still). Way smaller house (Bethesda, but still). Expected to spend her life at the country club, Martha's Vineyard, shopping in NYC, etc. but now probably buys her clothes at Secondi. Has a BMW SUV but it is 10 years old because she can't take on a car payment.

You sound like you’ve given this some thought and sound like a gross, judgmental person. Wait until your shoe drops

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there any stories you can share? I haven’t seen this topic for a while now so I am starting a new thread.

Large inherited furniture that doesn’t really fit in a smaller house
Pedigree college education in something like archeology, comparative literature, cultural anthropology, or art history
Old fashioned good manners and educated speech patterns
Family burial lots in prestige cemeteries
Sends thank you notes
Well travelled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there any stories you can share? I haven’t seen this topic for a while now so I am starting a new thread.

Large inherited furniture that doesn’t really fit in a smaller house
Pedigree college education in something like archeology, comparative literature, cultural anthropology, or art history
Old fashioned good manners and educated speech patterns
Family burial lots in prestige cemeteries
Sends thank you notes
Well travelled

And children have access to education money for college from generational trust

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are there any stories you can share? I haven’t seen this topic for a while now so I am starting a new thread.

Large inherited furniture that doesn’t really fit in a smaller house
Pedigree college education in something like archeology, comparative literature, cultural anthropology, or art history
Old fashioned good manners and educated speech patterns
Family burial lots in prestige cemeteries
Sends thank you notes
Well travelled

And children have access to education money for college from generational trust

This is my husbands moms family! She actually told me she is genteel poverty but lives in a pretty nice UMC house in Florida. She keeps all of her inherited stuff very nicely, but she definitely showed me three real gold pocket watches she had inherited.

My husband had lovely manners and a great education, and excellent values. I’m the moneymaker. None of his siblings work high earning jobs.

But I disagree that this is genteel poverty, this is more downward mobility from UC to UMC.

I care more about education than class. You can be poor and if you have had a good education, no one can take that from you. And you still have way more options than a poor person without a good education.

[Anonymous]

agree with this take on education- ive seen people go from shirtsleeve to shirtsleeve and back up again bc of a focus on a good education despite financial status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My more important question is: why is DCUM so endlessly obsessed with class and status???

True -- it's tiresome and pathetic, though this question is a bit more interesting than the usual, "What's the cheapest, but most UMC bag to carry?", etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked in a cell biology lab and all the postdocs would have qualified. They all made between 30 and 40k (10 years ago) but from their speech and habits were clearly not low class.

Most STEM postdocs move on to more high-earnings jobs in academia, research or industry. That's not genteel poverty; just part of the career track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this one! Went to one of the Big 3 DC privates and an Ivy, married a rich guy, was a SAHM, but is now divorced, has a job, and kids are in public school (Bethesda, but still). Way smaller house (Bethesda, but still). Expected to spend her life at the country club, Martha's Vineyard, shopping in NYC, etc. but now probably buys her clothes at Secondi. Has a BMW SUV but it is 10 years old because she can't take on a car payment.

The horror. I live in Chevy Chase and know women like this. They are living quite comfortably, even if not as lavishly as they previously did, and are usually much happier post-divorce. Not everybody gets all their sense of self-esteem from logos and brands.

[Anonymous]

LOL this is not a family hanging on for dear life. Clearly just priorities beyond decor - looks like my house in Bethesda.

Anonymous wrote:Just look at online listings in nice neighborhoods. Lots of dilapidated houses in expensive zip codes that look like the family was hanging onto for dear life. Case in point: https://www.redfin.com/MD/Chevy-Chase/204-Oxford-St-20815/home/10651222