What is daily life like with 3 kids and 2 careers?
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Anonymous
We have three young children— I stay at home and my husband is very flexible. Selection bias here I’m sure but while I know a number of 3 kid families, none have 2 FT working parents. Still, considering whether to SAH and have a third, I would caution that it can be rough juggling nap/preschool/ES pickup schedules with 3. I feel privileged that my husband is able to stay with a napping baby sometimes. It makes a huge difference to my sanity. I don’t think it would be easier with 2 FT careers, but having one baby home FT, another kid on a half day preschool schedule, the oldest full day…. that comes with it’s own complications. I think whether or not one parent is staying at home, having a job that is truly flexible can make all the difference. |
Anonymous
| The kids operate as well resourced orphans. That works for easy calm kids, not for wild kids. |
Anonymous
I’m one of the people who responded about three young kids (same schedule as your kids) and two careers. I know a lot of moms of three who work and also a lot of moms of three who are SAHM. I think three is when a lot of moms who aren’t into their careers become SAHM or if the DH has an all consuming and high paying role when there are diminishing returns to working even with a nanny or some parental help. |
Anonymous
I responded with 3 kids ages 14, 11, and 9. My cousin SAH with 3 kids around the same age. The main difference I think is that my husband has to chip in around the house whereas her doesn’t, she probably cooks better meals than I do and her house is probably cleaner than mine. Outside of school hours her husband still has to help shuttle the kids to sports & activities, and they have to do carpools etc. because she can only be one place and one time. I laughed & thought of this thread yesterday when talking to a friend with 3 kids. She said she didn’t know my next door neighbor, and I said - I think she’s driven your son to XYZ and she laughed and said- that’s right, I never met them but we were looped into a group carpool together. Essentially with 3 kids we carpool with people we don’t even necessarily know to start - friends of friends in the neighborhood. |
Anonymous
I have a different take. I think I am less able to helicopter & micromanage them so it’s better for their personal growth. |
Anonymous
| 9:03 again - I would echo that it doesn’t get easier as the kids get older tho. It’s less physically demanding - they can strap themselves into car seats but my 9th grader needs a lot of rides places. |
Anonymous
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Many of our friends have three DC. Ours are very close in age, now teens. DH works a lot and travels a few times a month. I’m hybrid and did travel also until kids in late ES.
Bedtime- we would typically read together with all DC. Same-sex sibs would bathe together. They had to rest in their room until we came in to say good night to each individually. As they got older, bedtimes varied by 30 minutes to an hour and they did more independently. Not an issue if you have a routine. Travel- we travel every year with DC through the summers and we usually get away either together or separately with friends once a year. Grandparents would help when they were younger. We also do a lot of weekend trips throughout the year. As kids got older, and into more activities, we usually had to divide and conquer. Kids are all teens now. but it was not loud in our house (most days). After school we went to parks and kids always played outside for a long time. We did eventually outsource heavy cleaning, and yardwork. Nanny until school age and sitter from 3-6 until oldest in MS. The kids are all very active. The hardest part is getting kids to their different activities. Carpool is the only way to manage this IMO. We didn’t participate in travel sports until MS. Honestly, I already miss the younger years. And with the youngest leaving for college in two years, while I look forward to more me time, I am also sad to know my parenting of children is nearly at a close. |
Anonymous
We have three kids and two big jobs, both in person - healthcare adm and trial lawyer. Youngest is now in HS. Two special needs kids, both significant such that neither will have a DCUM typical career path in that neither will go to college and one may not be independent but we’re working at it. We used daycare and an every other week house cleaner. A few years we also had someone mow our lawns. Not surprisingly, we’re really organized and plan ahead. We probably ate out too often but I think that was our worst fault. It was just that when we had a free evening, we wanted time to connect so we let someone else cook and clean up. It was one of those things that we just accepted as a line item in our budget because we were so busy. We traveled a lot from the time they were babies and I was proficient at traveling alone with all three even as very young kids, though I can’t remember spouse ever doing that. One kid was in travel sports and that required some divide and conquer - but all of life is kind of like that. Before kids we used to run all errands together but after kids we would sometimes have to go our separate ways to get everything done. Sometimes we had to say know to the kids when it came to activities but really we made almost everything work for us and the kids. The little kid time was really sweet. We would all get together in my bedroom (we added a couch) and read until everyone was tired and went to bed. In the summer we closed the pool down every single night unless there was rain, showering on the way out and they fell into bed. When the kids started driving (youngest doesn’t yet) we took advantage of having a kid to help with driving and errands - they loved it and we appreciated the time. Most of the time we all showed up for kids’ events (plays, games, competitions). My kids are close and really supportive of each other. Our house is was/is a hang out house when that age hit so I made more frozen pizzas and brownies than I ever imagined I would. As parents we definitely had our lanes. I did doctors, dentists, school (which was a lot because of two kids with IEPs, one of which was intense and required me to be at school so often), activities and finances. We love having three kids. Never regretted and never were overwhelmed by it. |
Anonymous
| Three kids here ages 7, 12 and 14. Both parents work full-time - one fully in the office and the other hybrid. My job is demanding with heavy hours many weeks, but I have been with my employer for over two decades and have earned a fair amount of flexibility, which is helpful for pick-ups in the afternoons and evenings. It can be challenging juggling schedules, but in general we are very happy. Our children are involved in a range of sports and activities, and we enjoy seeing them work hard at the things they love. We have traveled internationally a fair amount starting when our youngest was a toddler, both to visit family and to explore new places. We do not have endless amounts of money for travel and I have always tried to plan trips on a budget, and it is something that we still do today. Childcare when they were younger was a combination of in-home care and small pre-schools. We are fortunate to have family relatively nearby but have not really relied on them for regular childcare. Maybe grandparents would help out with the kids for a day or so every couple of months when they were younger. We do our own housecleaning and take care of the yard, but I can see how having a regular housecleaner could help ease some of the burden. Overall, though, our home is clean and presentable and our family is happy, and that is what is most important to me. I have thought about trying to go part time, but I contribute greatly to our family’s financial well-being (especially in terms of saving for the future) and right now I feel like things are manageable. Of course, some days are harder than others, but on balance things are good. |
Anonymous
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Very Type A parent (me) who is meticulous about schedules. No exacting or demanding extracurriculars. House cleaners 1x a week - thinking of hiring a nanny also.
I enjoy it! |
Anonymous
| That was our life for many years and we managed through it. We were lucky that we could afford a nanny (some good, some bad) but we were constantly juggling schedules and our nonwork lives were entirely kid focused but we were fine with that. My job was local which really helped and I had some flexibility which allowed me to be there for doctor’s appointments etc. Life was hectic and chaotic at times but we have no regrets. My husband was a very engaged father and our marriage was very strong and that really helped. Our three are now married and all have three kids so they are living the lives we once had. |
Anonymous
I agree with this to an extent. In a healthy way you can’t obsess as much. On the other hand by your third you know a lot more (you can see around the corner because you’ve done it with other kids) and are much more confident. You know the activities and summer camps that will work, you know to send them in with snow pants before it snows, you know who to reach out to in order to sign them up for the weekend field hockey clinics or Girl Scouts or whatever. You know the preschool teachers, the head of the preschool, the most convenient birthday venues, fun activities that help with fine motor skills, which swim teacher is the best, etc etc |
Anonymous
ITA! |
Anonymous
"Our kids do sports".... Could you please describe the sports schedules of your pre-k, preschooler, and toddler child? |
Anonymous
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My friends like this describe their life as a house of cards.
On the best days (no one is sick, they have childcare), things are almost ok. Then one tiny thing goes wrong (like daycare for one of the three kids is closed) and the whole house of cards comes down. The days where stuff goes wrong outnumber the days where things are going right. It seems like a really miserable way to live. They also have helpful family on both sides (DH and DW) and receive pretty much daily help. And it still doesn’t ever really seem to be going “well”. |