What is daily life like with 3 kids and 2 careers?

[Anonymous]

I see and hear about so many 3-kid families, but most people I know have 0/1/2 kids. I just know two families with three -- one is very wealthy and has 2 sets of involved grandparents + nanny, the other has a stay at home mom.

So, if you have 3 kids and two FT careers, what is it like? Do you get enough time with each kid separately? Do your weekends and evenings end up being focused on the various' kids activities, splitting driving with spouse? How do you manage 3 sets of playdates and birthday parties? How do you make sure to have enough time just for you and spouse? Do you get to travel much? Do you get unstructured time to explore locally (new museums, hikes, restaurants, etc?)

Does this only work if you can get a 3rd person (Grandparents or nanny) and if both parents want to spend most of their free time on kid stuff?

Also, does it work best if you have the kids back to back so you are done with the early childhood years quicker?

[Anonymous]

I know one family with this situation and they are stretched extremely thin and in a constant state of disarray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know one family with this situation and they are stretched extremely thin and in a constant state of disarray.

The only families like this in a “constant state of disarray” are the ones who insist that childhood is only worth it if they all do 2 travel sports.

Normal families can handle this.

[Anonymous]

Oh good grief.

Step one: I don’t treat my family and life like a checklist as seen in the OP.

Step two: We do our best. And it’s ok!

I’m not going to say that I’m not stretched thin at times and that life doesn’t have its moments with 3, but I’m still a happy person.

We both have very modest careers. I think that makes it possible although less well funded.

[Anonymous]

If I ever have 3, I have a teenager and he pitches in a lot (and gets paid for it). But.something like 3 under 3 or 3 under 6. Ugh heck no. I couldn't do it. My friends with that also have a very chaotic life. It's hard to hang out with them and exhausting. Much better when it's just 1 or 2 of the kids.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 and I’m a SAHM. DH has a very demanding job and I was stretched thin with just 2 kids. I stayed home with the third.

We know many families with 3 kids. Some have a SAHM. Most have a mom with a WFH flexible job, fed job, part time job. We know a couple where the dad stays home. Others have both parents with flex jobs. I knew one family who had 2 nannies at a time for their three young children including twins. Both parents had demanding jobs requiring travel. I think they wanted the twins to have a nanny and another parent to be able to take the older still young child out and it would be back up if one couldn’t make it. I’m sure both parents earned high six figures or seven.

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids in elementary and daycare (pre-k aged though). My DH and I both work out of the house five days a week. Neither of our jobs have much flexibility (WFH is not allowed). We also have a HHI of $175k, so we aren’t super wealthy.

I hate chaos so I don’t allow our family to exist in a manner of disarray.

I also have no guilt in turning down birthday party invitations. A close friend, yes, we attend. A random whole class party. No. Not worth it.

The kids do one activity a season. Right now we are doing basketball. Or I find a class that has a 4-7 age range and enroll two of the kids.

We don’t get home until 6:20 so our nights may feel rushed to some, but we eat dinner the kids play and then off to bed by 7:30/8.

We prioritize our family over the kids’ social calendar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids in elementary and daycare (pre-k aged though). My DH and I both work out of the house five days a week. Neither of our jobs have much flexibility (WFH is not allowed). We also have a HHI of $175k, so we aren’t super wealthy.

I hate chaos so I don’t allow our family to exist in a manner of disarray.

I also have no guilt in turning down birthday party invitations. A close friend, yes, we attend. A random whole class party. No. Not worth it.

The kids do one activity a season. Right now we are doing basketball. Or I find a class that has a 4-7 age range and enroll two of the kids.

We don’t get home until 6:20 so our nights may feel rushed to some, but we eat dinner the kids play and then off to bed by 7:30/8.

We prioritize our family over the kids’ social calendar.

I get amused when people say this when their kids are elementary/daycare - I mean, of course you do. But things will change when your kids are in middle/teen ages and you have to have some flexibility and allow more independent choices for socialization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh good grief.

Step one: I don’t treat my family and life like a checklist as seen in the OP.

Step two: We do our best. And it’s ok!

I’m not going to say that I’m not stretched thin at times and that life doesn’t have its moments with 3, but I’m still a happy person.

We both have very modest careers. I think that makes it possible although less well funded.

What does this mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids in elementary and daycare (pre-k aged though). My DH and I both work out of the house five days a week. Neither of our jobs have much flexibility (WFH is not allowed). We also have a HHI of $175k, so we aren’t super wealthy.

I hate chaos so I don’t allow our family to exist in a manner of disarray.

I also have no guilt in turning down birthday party invitations. A close friend, yes, we attend. A random whole class party. No. Not worth it.

The kids do one activity a season. Right now we are doing basketball. Or I find a class that has a 4-7 age range and enroll two of the kids.

We don’t get home until 6:20 so our nights may feel rushed to some, but we eat dinner the kids play and then off to bed by 7:30/8.

We prioritize our family over the kids’ social calendar.

Can you share how much traveling you get to do? And when do you have kid-free time with your spouse?

Also, how do you do bedtime with 3 kids but only 2 of you? Does one wait nicely for you to put the other down?

And most curious, when the kids are playing, is it really loud? Do they fight? We found going from 1 to 2, noise increased exponentially. Either they are happily playing something loud or fighting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh good grief.

Step one: I don’t treat my family and life like a checklist as seen in the OP.

Step two: We do our best. And it’s ok!

I’m not going to say that I’m not stretched thin at times and that life doesn’t have its moments with 3, but I’m still a happy person.

We both have very modest careers. I think that makes it possible although less well funded.

Why would you comment if you have no interest in answering the question? The question isn't whether it's ok or not, but what does daily life look like?

[Anonymous]

Travel is going to have more to do with your particular jobs and leave schedule than anything else.

[Anonymous]

In the early years, we had a Saturday evening babysitter every single week. It was a pretty big indulgence but it allowed us a weekly date night that I think was HUGE for the years when we were juggling three little kids and feeling, frankly, overwhelmed and stretched thin. Our kids are older now and we do more family things like professional sports games, movies etc. But I think it was well worth the money we spent to get us through the roughest of the parenting years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Travel is going to have more to do with your particular jobs and leave schedule than anything else.

Why? Most jobs have 2-4 weeks of vacation regardless of whether you're a parent or how many kids you have.

We found travel changed a lot going from 1 to 2. Traveling with one kid (even toddler age) was manageable, we did lots of adventurous trips, and sometimes even one parent would go solo or with a grandparent. With two kids the trips take more energy (to keep track of them, entertain them, deal with disruptions from daily routine) PLUS we're more tired from daily life. Not even considering the money factor, we end up traveling less and coming back from vacation tired. (Talking about exploring foreign countries, not beach vacations).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Travel is going to have more to do with your particular jobs and leave schedule than anything else.

Why? Most jobs have 2-4 weeks of vacation regardless of whether you're a parent or how many kids you have.

I wouldn’t say most jobs have four weeks of vacation, no, and the issue is lining up the leave so both of you can get off work at the same time.