What is daily life like with 3 kids and 2 careers?

[Anonymous]

Daycare 630am to 6pm. Monday to Friday.

[Anonymous]

Everyone I know with 3 kids complains constantly.

[Anonymous]

Theee kids that are 9,11 and 13. I agree with the PP who said it was much easier to manage when they were 1,3 and 5. The schedule was more set and they were in daycare and kindergarten. The crazy schedule we have now is because we allow them to participate in activities. It could be just as calm schedule wise if we’d said no to everything and they just came home from school like they did at 1,3,5. Two play travel sports and the other plays a different rec sport each season.

We enjoy the activities and they love them. As a result, our travel is pretty much to family (none local) and for sports. Yes, we have to divide and conquer a lot and it it is chaotic. We have to prioritize what’s most important to us and can’t do it all.

The people I know with 3 kids (of similar ages of mine), appear to have it “together,” and checking off your boxes, have local family that provide a lot of support. They help with before/after school care, shuttling kids and being able to take 1 for the weekend all 3 have activities at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Theee kids that are 9,11 and 13. I agree with the PP who said it was much easier to manage when they were 1,3 and 5. The schedule was more set and they were in daycare and kindergarten. The crazy schedule we have now is because we allow them to participate in activities. It could be just as calm schedule wise if we’d said no to everything and they just came home from school like they did at 1,3,5. Two play travel sports and the other plays a different rec sport each season.

We enjoy the activities and they love them. As a result, our travel is pretty much to family (none local) and for sports. Yes, we have to divide and conquer a lot and it it is chaotic. We have to prioritize what’s most important to us and can’t do it all.

The people I know with 3 kids (of similar ages of mine), appear to have it “together,” and checking off your boxes, have local family that provide a lot of support. They help with before/after school care, shuttling kids and being able to take 1 for the weekend all 3 have activities at the same time.

3 kids and 2 careers. We are in our 30s and had kids close together. We have a nanny 45 hours/week because our kids are not in daycare (pk, preschool a few mornings a week, and the youngest is too young for preschool). I am remote, we have a cleaning person every other week, yard work is outsourced, and we are very type A and kids are smart, healthy, and temperamentally easy to manage. We have a strong relationship and are emotionally balanced so parenting is not chaos for us. We are very devoted to each other and our family. Our kids do sports and playdates and we never miss a birthday party. We also travel regularly and do date nights. No local family and only occasional family help.

We’re planners and very organized. Our house is exceptionally clean, we workout daily, we do lots of kid enrichment, we focus a lot on our careers. You need to be good at letting go of habits and things that don’t serve you and taking care of yourself mentally and physically so you can be present. Also, having money helps a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see and hear about so many 3-kid families, but most people I know have 0/1/2 kids. I just know two families with three -- one is very wealthy and has 2 sets of involved grandparents + nanny, the other has a stay at home mom.

So, if you have 3 kids and two FT careers, what is it like? Do you get enough time with each kid separately? Do your weekends and evenings end up being focused on the various' kids activities, splitting driving with spouse? How do you manage 3 sets of playdates and birthday parties? How do you make sure to have enough time just for you and spouse? Do you get to travel much? Do you get unstructured time to explore locally (new museums, hikes, restaurants, etc?)

Does this only work if you can get a 3rd person (Grandparents or nanny) and if both parents want to spend most of their free time on kid stuff?

Also, does it work best if you have the kids back to back so you are done with the early childhood years quicker?

You don't have three kids!

[Anonymous]

I’ll find out soon - have a newborn and a 4 and 6 yr old. I am fully remote and we’ll have a nanny 45 hrs a week starting soon. Older kids will be in full time school/preschool and nanny is technically a nanny manager meaning she can run errands / cook / light cleaning…and she’ll start while I’m on mat leave and can do some overnights. Dh is in person basically full time with some travel so I’d lose my mind without the help. It was stressful having to shuttle two kids out the door and back and trying to get to calls on time! I couldn’t imagine adding a third without extra help. The key here is flexibility and money - fortunate to have the HHI to allow for the help.
I can already see the logistics getting crazy with activities and social events…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids in elementary and daycare (pre-k aged though). My DH and I both work out of the house five days a week. Neither of our jobs have much flexibility (WFH is not allowed). We also have a HHI of $175k, so we aren’t super wealthy.

I hate chaos so I don’t allow our family to exist in a manner of disarray.

I also have no guilt in turning down birthday party invitations. A close friend, yes, we attend. A random whole class party. No. Not worth it.

The kids do one activity a season. Right now we are doing basketball. Or I find a class that has a 4-7 age range and enroll two of the kids.

We don’t get home until 6:20 so our nights may feel rushed to some, but we eat dinner the kids play and then off to bed by 7:30/8.

We prioritize our family over the kids’ social calendar.

I get amused when people say this when their kids are elementary/daycare - I mean, of course you do. But things will change when your kids are in middle/teen ages and you have to have some flexibility and allow more independent choices for socialization.

+1 yep, they have no idea! Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids in elementary and daycare (pre-k aged though). My DH and I both work out of the house five days a week. Neither of our jobs have much flexibility (WFH is not allowed). We also have a HHI of $175k, so we aren’t super wealthy.

I hate chaos so I don’t allow our family to exist in a manner of disarray.

I also have no guilt in turning down birthday party invitations. A close friend, yes, we attend. A random whole class party. No. Not worth it.

The kids do one activity a season. Right now we are doing basketball. Or I find a class that has a 4-7 age range and enroll two of the kids.

We don’t get home until 6:20 so our nights may feel rushed to some, but we eat dinner the kids play and then off to bed by 7:30/8.

We prioritize our family over the kids’ social calendar.

I get amused when people say this when their kids are elementary/daycare - I mean, of course you do. But things will change when your kids are in middle/teen ages and you have to have some flexibility and allow more independent choices for socialization.

+1 yep, they have no idea! Lol

My oldest is in 9th grader this year and I wasn't ready to have to start staying up past my bedtime to pick him up places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Theee kids that are 9,11 and 13. I agree with the PP who said it was much easier to manage when they were 1,3 and 5. The schedule was more set and they were in daycare and kindergarten. The crazy schedule we have now is because we allow them to participate in activities. It could be just as calm schedule wise if we’d said no to everything and they just came home from school like they did at 1,3,5. Two play travel sports and the other plays a different rec sport each season.

We enjoy the activities and they love them. As a result, our travel is pretty much to family (none local) and for sports. Yes, we have to divide and conquer a lot and it it is chaotic. We have to prioritize what’s most important to us and can’t do it all.

The people I know with 3 kids (of similar ages of mine), appear to have it “together,” and checking off your boxes, have local family that provide a lot of support. They help with before/after school care, shuttling kids and being able to take 1 for the weekend all 3 have activities at the same time.

3 kids and 2 careers. We are in our 30s and had kids close together. We have a nanny 45 hours/week because our kids are not in daycare (pk, preschool a few mornings a week, and the youngest is too young for preschool). I am remote, we have a cleaning person every other week, yard work is outsourced, and we are very type A and kids are smart, healthy, and temperamentally easy to manage. We have a strong relationship and are emotionally balanced so parenting is not chaos for us. We are very devoted to each other and our family. Our kids do sports and playdates and we never miss a birthday party. We also travel regularly and do date nights. No local family and only occasional family help.

We’re planners and very organized. Our house is exceptionally clean, we workout daily, we do lots of kid enrichment, we focus a lot on our careers. You need to be good at letting go of habits and things that don’t serve you and taking care of yourself mentally and physically so you can be present. Also, having money helps a lot.

I was you when the kids were young. Great career, neat house, etc, etc.

When kids get older they can’t be scheduled like babies and toddlers. Or you can and they won’t participate in anything.

My oldest now in middle school and while I’m super organized and the house is still clean, I feel like we are always on the go because unless we deliberately turn down social opportunities. It’s busy and problems are bigger than when they were babies.

I don’t think it will get less hectic. We don’t have help, and I’m considering quitting to SAHP - I thought the early years would be harder but these years are.

[Anonymous]

Sounds hellish. Especially after the daycare/nanny years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Theee kids that are 9,11 and 13. I agree with the PP who said it was much easier to manage when they were 1,3 and 5. The schedule was more set and they were in daycare and kindergarten. The crazy schedule we have now is because we allow them to participate in activities. It could be just as calm schedule wise if we’d said no to everything and they just came home from school like they did at 1,3,5. Two play travel sports and the other plays a different rec sport each season.

We enjoy the activities and they love them. As a result, our travel is pretty much to family (none local) and for sports. Yes, we have to divide and conquer a lot and it it is chaotic. We have to prioritize what’s most important to us and can’t do it all.

The people I know with 3 kids (of similar ages of mine), appear to have it “together,” and checking off your boxes, have local family that provide a lot of support. They help with before/after school care, shuttling kids and being able to take 1 for the weekend all 3 have activities at the same time.

3 kids and 2 careers. We are in our 30s and had kids close together. We have a nanny 45 hours/week because our kids are not in daycare (pk, preschool a few mornings a week, and the youngest is too young for preschool). I am remote, we have a cleaning person every other week, yard work is outsourced, and we are very type A and kids are smart, healthy, and temperamentally easy to manage. We have a strong relationship and are emotionally balanced so parenting is not chaos for us. We are very devoted to each other and our family. Our kids do sports and playdates and we never miss a birthday party. We also travel regularly and do date nights. No local family and only occasional family help.

We’re planners and very organized. Our house is exceptionally clean, we workout daily, we do lots of kid enrichment, we focus a lot on our careers. You need to be good at letting go of habits and things that don’t serve you and taking care of yourself mentally and physically so you can be present. Also, having money helps a lot.

you are in your 30s with a preschooler but you have already figured it all out.

[Anonymous]

pardon me, your youngest is a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Most people I know with three kids seem very overloaded and unhappy. I personally wouldn’t do it unless someone as willing and able to SAH.

[Anonymous]

Can someone with three kids past preschool ages respond? We are actively debating this now as a lawyer / doctor couple (though with flexible jobs) and both of us want to work. We don’t want to have a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can someone with three kids past preschool ages respond? We are actively debating this now as a lawyer / doctor couple (though with flexible jobs) and both of us want to work. We don’t want to have a nanny.

If you don’t want a nanny, at least get a housekeeper or household manager. Unless neither of you need much sleep and really enjoy doing household chores.

I know plenty of two career families with three kids. They just outsource a lot. They use food delivery, housekeepers, babysitters who can drive, coaches, tutors, au pairs, gardeners, etc.

Personally if you really want three kids and have flexible jobs that pay well, I think it’s no problem at all. You’re probably hard workers who will also work hard with your family.