How do you split up dining costs with siblings and their families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If everyone splits, why are you expected to pay for your parents? What parents would allow their DD who’s a single mom to pay for their dinner? Sounds a bit lousy, tbh.

I agree. I’m shocked that retired parents would make anyone ever pay for their meal. They’re the ones with all the savings.

What? They’re the ones who need to save their finite amount of money to maintain their lifestyle and possibly pay for healthcare and other expenses associated with being elderly. Working kids have regular income.

Anyway, it sounds like this is a pre-agreed treat for the parents from the kids, maybe for some celebratory or milestone occasion. And OP doesn’t seem to be financially strapped. Do you never treat your parents?

PP here. No I don't treat them. We typically either go dutch or pay every other time. Sure their money might be "finite" but so is mine. I can't work longer hours just to get more income. I have 3 in daycare and lots of pulls on my finances. My parents were UMC, but they are making a lot of money on their savings (stock market is doing well), pensions plus a lot of social security. I love my parents, see them often, just don't see the need to treat them. I buy lovely presents on Christmas/birthdays. My parents think that me supporting their grandchildren and making sure they have everything they need is the most important. Money goes downhill. Side note- I never ask my parents to pay for us, we don't get monetary gifts, or trips paid for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If everyone splits, why are you expected to pay for your parents? What parents would allow their DD who’s a single mom to pay for their dinner? Sounds a bit lousy, tbh.

This is a bit tone deaf. My parents are wealthy and have always paid for everyone, but they're getting on in age. To have them 'do the math' or cover their wealthy children, seems odd to me. Yeah, when they were younger, maybe, but now? It seems greedy or unappreciative, especially since it's usually just my mom. My dad gets social anxiety going out these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a potluck at home unless you want to spend the whole evening arguing about the check and who is more privileged than whom.

Not all families are like yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like that this is even a question. My whole family is just silent when the bill comes and they stare at me, until I pay for the whole thing.

My husband's family does this and it drives me NUTS! It makes me not want to go out with them. At least the exchange rate to UK is favorable to us now - they're British.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this was one family with two kids, one family with three kids, and the parents, I'd just split it evenly. But the disparity is much greater here. Your family is 1/2 to 1/3 the size of your siblings - no way should you subsidize them like that. And if one of them expects you to - wow. Watch out for that one.

Agreed. I have three kids and my two siblings have two kids and they never let me pay more for my one kid but I always offer (and it is easier logistically to split). I think the imbalance here is greater with you being single and only having one kids and think it would be absurd for your siblings to insist you pay the same as them. Fine if you offer but the default should be figuring cost per person plus paying a third for your parents.