How do you split up dining costs with siblings and their families?

[Anonymous]

If this was one family with two kids, one family with three kids, and the parents, I'd just split it evenly. But the disparity is much greater here. Your family is 1/2 to 1/3 the size of your siblings - no way should you subsidize them like that. And if one of them expects you to - wow. Watch out for that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like that this is even a question. My whole family is just silent when the bill comes and they stare at me, until I pay for the whole thing.

Same here. And now I ditched them. No more. So toxic

[Anonymous]

I would handle the bill and divide it by the number of people excluding the elderly parents. I would include the single parent and child in my share of the bill.

[Anonymous]

Well, parents have passed, but when we go out to dinner with DH's sisters and their families -- SIL 1 + DH + 2 adult kids (and sometimes 1 friend of the kids who is like a sibling) , and SIL 2 + 2 adult kids -- we pretty much always pay because we have the most money (probably?). SIL 1's DH often doesn't come, and when we are wrapping up, she'll order him a whole dinner, to go, on our dime, lol. Her family always orders the most expensive things as well, and her DS will order dessert when the rest of us are ready to go -- so not a lot of social intelligence there.

The last time we went out, SIL 2 tried to take the bill from my DH and he laughed and took it back, and she said loudly, "Well, we know who is NOT going to pay for it" and glared at SIL 1.

I find it all mildly amusing. The stuff with SIL 1's family basically tripling the bill due to what they order annoys me, but that's just because of how I was brought up; it's a cultural thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, parents have passed, but when we go out to dinner with DH's sisters and their families -- SIL 1 + DH + 2 adult kids (and sometimes 1 friend of the kids who is like a sibling) , and SIL 2 + 2 adult kids -- we pretty much always pay because we have the most money (probably?). SIL 1's DH often doesn't come, and when we are wrapping up, she'll order him a whole dinner, to go, on our dime, lol. Her family always orders the most expensive things as well, and her DS will order dessert when the rest of us are ready to go -- so not a lot of social intelligence there.

The last time we went out, SIL 2 tried to take the bill from my DH and he laughed and took it back, and she said loudly, "Well, we know who is NOT going to pay for it" and glared at SIL 1.

I find it all mildly amusing. The stuff with SIL 1's family basically tripling the bill due to what they order annoys me, but that's just because of how I was brought up; it's a cultural thing.

That's cultural, that's manners (or lack of manners).

[Anonymous]

Divide bill by number of people (minus parents), everyone pays for number of people they have in their family.

$800 bill 16 people (2 parents)
$57.14 per head for 14 people
You pay $115. It covers you, your kid and your part of parent's bill.

[Anonymous]

If everyone splits, why are you expected to pay for your parents? What parents would allow their DD who’s a single mom to pay for their dinner? Sounds a bit lousy, tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If everyone splits, why are you expected to pay for your parents? What parents would allow their DD who’s a single mom to pay for their dinner? Sounds a bit lousy, tbh.

I agree. I’m shocked that retired parents would make anyone ever pay for their meal. They’re the ones with all the savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If everyone splits, why are you expected to pay for your parents? What parents would allow their DD who’s a single mom to pay for their dinner? Sounds a bit lousy, tbh.

I agree. I’m shocked that retired parents would make anyone ever pay for their meal. They’re the ones with all the savings.

What? They’re the ones who need to save their finite amount of money to maintain their lifestyle and possibly pay for healthcare and other expenses associated with being elderly. Working kids have regular income.

Anyway, it sounds like this is a pre-agreed treat for the parents from the kids, maybe for some celebratory or milestone occasion. And OP doesn’t seem to be financially strapped. Do you never treat your parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If everyone splits, why are you expected to pay for your parents? What parents would allow their DD who’s a single mom to pay for their dinner? Sounds a bit lousy, tbh.

I agree. I’m shocked that retired parents would make anyone ever pay for their meal. They’re the ones with all the savings.

What? They’re the ones who need to save their finite amount of money to maintain their lifestyle and possibly pay for healthcare and other expenses associated with being elderly. Working kids have regular income.

Anyway, it sounds like this is a pre-agreed treat for the parents from the kids, maybe for some celebratory or milestone occasion. And OP doesn’t seem to be financially strapped. Do you never treat your parents?

Depends on their savings. Rich boomers are far better off than many of their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your siblings in advance and work it out. If they push back on per head then just split 4 ways and move on. It seems like this is a special event and not worth fighting over.

But OP unit is 2.5 [1/4 of parents], and others 4.5+5.5+5.5 =18. That puts OP at $240 pre tax and gratuity. If there are more elderly guests like sibs of parents assume they are added to the 4 way split Is this fixed price with a choice of 1-3 entrees or can people order extras? Bar bills? Bottles of wine?

So for people on tight budgets you really can't just split when a couple of other people's young adults go for the expresso martinis.

This is the OP. It’s a fixed menu, eg “Dinner for 10” for 2 tables, shared family style. Could order alcohol or extra entrees but that’s not likely.

You responded to my PP. So one of the sibs made the reservation and many venues require a credit card and maybe a deposit for n event. Maybe max $312 with tax+gratuity. But if no beverages included assume you, child, parents wll drink stuff other than water so tell whovever booked that you can contribute $350. Bump it to $400 if the parents are likely to order wine, cocktail, etc.

Again that avoids the expresso martini effect.

[Anonymous]

Have a potluck at home unless you want to spend the whole evening arguing about the check and who is more privileged than whom.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP, just wanted to thank everyone for their input. Many of you are much more generous than my siblings. I’ll plan to discuss how we pay before the actual dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If adult children and their families plan to host elderly parents for dinner at restaurant and restaurant charges per head, how do you handle the cost of dinner?
Does it make sense for adult children to split costs of dinner for the parents and then cover the cost of themselves and their own families?
Or split the bill evenly amongst the adult children?
Cost may be $80 per head, like a wedding banquet type of dinner.
I’m a single parent with one child, 3 siblings have spouses and their family sizes are 4-6. Mostly teenagers, young adult children or recently out of college. I’m not struggling but since I’m the only breadwinner, I am careful about my spending.

Around 20 people total, $1600 total. 4 adult children of elderly children.

Am I expected to pay $400, divided evenly by 4 adult children?
Or $160 for myself and child, plus share of parents of $40, total $200?

Whoops, meant to say 4 adult children of elderly parents

My family each pats for themselves, their husband, and kids then splits the cost of whomever they are treating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If everyone splits, why are you expected to pay for your parents? What parents would allow their DD who’s a single mom to pay for their dinner? Sounds a bit lousy, tbh.

I agree. I’m shocked that retired parents would make anyone ever pay for their meal. They’re the ones with all the savings.

The point of the dinner is to host/celebrate the parenye