Is anyone stressed about having to clean out parents home?

[Anonymous]

If in their 80s they probably use most their energy living day to day and trying to stay independent as long as they can. They will not be paring down anything now. Too late.

[Anonymous]

I think about this a lot as the POA and executor for my elderly family member with no spouse or kids. Her house is a hoarding situation and she has a second home out of state that I will also have to clean out and prepare for sale. She spends a lot of time telling me about all of her treasures so I feel guilty knowing the reality is most everything will be indiscriminately tossed or donated. I will have to hire a company to handle it. I also want to hire someone to just settle the entire estate if that is legal because her finances are overwhelming.

My FIL was renting a house when he died unexpectedly in his 50s. It was an even worse living situation than my family member. His kids knew there was nothing of value so they had a dumpster dropped and made quick work of dumping everything with the help of a large contingent of friends. They were in their early to mid-20s so it was a lot easier to find help. Between his kids, their SOs and friends, we had at least 20 people working so it was done in a weekend. The house was a rental so they thankfully didn’t have to prepare it for sale. I felt badly for the landlord but I think the landlord was just grateful to have the house vacated.

In contrast to the above, my own father has been preparing for years. His affairs are perfectly in order. He has things boxed and labeled. He has been slowly donating things out of old bedrooms and closets. He has made it very clear he doesn’t want to burden us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think about this a lot as the POA and executor for my elderly family member with no spouse or kids. Her house is a hoarding situation and she has a second home out of state that I will also have to clean out and prepare for sale. She spends a lot of time telling me about all of her treasures so I feel guilty knowing the reality is most everything will be indiscriminately tossed or donated. I will have to hire a company to handle it. I also want to hire someone to just settle the entire estate if that is legal because her finances are overwhelming.

My FIL was renting a house when he died unexpectedly in his 50s. It was an even worse living situation than my family member. His kids knew there was nothing of value so they had a dumpster dropped and made quick work of dumping everything with the help of a large contingent of friends. They were in their early to mid-20s so it was a lot easier to find help. Between his kids, their SOs and friends, we had at least 20 people working so it was done in a weekend. The house was a rental so they thankfully didn’t have to prepare it for sale. I felt badly for the landlord but I think the landlord was just grateful to have the house vacated.

In contrast to the above, my own father has been preparing for years. His affairs are perfectly in order. He has things boxed and labeled. He has been slowly donating things out of old bedrooms and closets. He has made it very clear he doesn’t want to burden us.

God bless your father! I am going to try to be like him!

[Anonymous]

My sister and I looked at it as a final gift we gave to our mother. The things she couldn’t let go because they reminded her so much of those who she had lost, we were able to bless and let go much more easily. She had a tragic childhood and those things helped her cope with her losses. It was not a chore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I looked at it as a final gift we gave to our mother. The things she couldn’t let go because they reminded her so much of those who she had lost, we were able to bless and let go much more easily. She had a tragic childhood and those things helped her cope with her losses. It was not a chore.

You and your sister are very decent. What a great attitude.

[Anonymous]

I called for a dumpster and flew back for a week to start the process. I had the whole basement cleared out before I left. Next time, I’ll tackle the upstairs. My step mother basically just lives on the first floor at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I looked at it as a final gift we gave to our mother. The things she couldn’t let go because they reminded her so much of those who she had lost, we were able to bless and let go much more easily. She had a tragic childhood and those things helped her cope with her losses. It was not a chore.

You and your sister are very decent. What a great attitude.

+1

It also helps when you have close siblings with whom to share the task. I’ll be clearing out each parent’s home and managing their affairs separately, while my sibling does nothing. I know she’s too unreliable to handle it, but still.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My sister and I talk about this all of the time. Our mom is a hoarder. We are going to have to hire multiple dumpsters.

[Anonymous]

Oh I have active anxiety about it whenever I think about it. Their house is moderate hoarder level (unopened packages/boxes stacked 3 feet high, animal feces around the house discovered months after the fact, inches of dust etc, but there's at least a walking path). I have mentioned it because it's out of control and frankly, a health hazard but yes, nothing happens. I am the only child and am not local. It's truly overwhelming to think about. I have enough stuff going on in my life with little kids and a job that I don't foresee having the time or energy to deal with it for weeks on end when the time comes. The last time after we visited, I told my husband we're going to have to call 1800 got junk.

[Anonymous]

No. My MiL is a borderline hoarder. My plan is to burn the house down after she dies and claim the insurance.

[Anonymous]

Put together a list of junk haulers in your parents area. If you think they have any items of value but not Christie’s-level value, create list of basic auction houses in their area.

When the time comes, make a few calls and get the stuff dealt with. Go for speed, not getting every last penny.

Avoid estate sales companies, which have huge commissions and fees.

[Anonymous]

As others have observed, the important thing is to locate the “important things,” (1) money (check clothes in the closet), jewelry, artworks and other valuables; (2) important documents like wills and powers of attorney; and (3) a limited number of sentimental items along with photos, etc., if you’re so inclined.

When the time comes, you go in and get what you want/need, give any siblings or others a deadline to do the same; and then call the junk men and/or the dumpster company.

Everything goes. Forget donation, forget “buy nothing,” forget garage sales, forget (in most instances) “that’s worth money.” Be ruthless. It goes quickly. Hire people if you’re unable to do it yourself. You’ll have a few regrets, but very few.

[Anonymous]

Adding: and you’ll probably be better off if you wear gloves and a respirator.

[Anonymous]

My parents blame each other for their inability to clean out their house. Mom claims Dad takes things out of the trash, Dad says Mom is too attached to sentimental things -- they are probably both right. It's morbid but when they are in the hospital or on vacation, I go in and get rid of as much as I can. They never notice. Last summer I cleared out probably half of my Dad's old clothes that were all either the wrong size or worn out, and told him I'd just reorganized his closet after I did the laundry. Once I threw out 8 large trash bags of junk paper from their "office". It's exhausting to think about doing the whole house when their gone, but it will also be a major psychological burden lifted to have the house emptied out and ready for sale.

[Anonymous]

I spend my time with my mom enjoying her. I used to stress over cleaning out the house. But then DH and I came up with the following plan. I will take a weekend to pull out the few items I want: pictures, jewelry, a few collectables and a few momentos. Then her neighbors get to take anything they would like/can put to use. Followed by the women that clean her house. we will have a $1 sale. Everything in the house is a dollar. The sofa? Its a dollar, a box of books $1. What is left will go in a dumpster.
She is not a hoarder in that her house is clean and organized. But she lives in a 5 bedroom house and it is full.