Is anyone stressed about having to clean out parents home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start now.

Start now how. It would be rude to insist parents do this if they aren’t already thinking this way. Just stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean to offend anyone but spending time with elderly parents and in laws (80s) has me very concerned about what will happen when they pass. One set has moved around a lot and has pared down their belongings along the way which is helpful but the other set has been in the same home 50 years and keeps and attaches sentimental value to everything. How do we (a) kindly suggest that they start paring things down and (b) prepare ourselves for having to do it ourselves in the future?

Don’t you have anything else to focus on? Are your own papers and orders straight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean to offend anyone but spending time with elderly parents and in laws (80s) has me very concerned about what will happen when they pass. One set has moved around a lot and has pared down their belongings along the way which is helpful but the other set has been in the same home 50 years and keeps and attaches sentimental value to everything. How do we (a) kindly suggest that they start paring things down and (b) prepare ourselves for having to do it ourselves in the future?

+1 it’s a common (albeit difficult) part of adulthood for most people and you need to make your peace with it. Wonderful if they decide to put everything in order but there is no way to suggest they do declutter so you don’t have to deal with that treasures after they’re dead. Obviously!

Just let them live and consider it a right of passage. If my child asked me to clean my house so they don’t have to I would be insulted. And at the same time I’m 62 and am attempting to downsize some. Too much stuff and I am trying to get rid of unnecessary papers and documents. Not for my child but so I have less clutter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mean to offend anyone but spending time with elderly parents and in laws (80s) has me very concerned about what will happen when they pass. One set has moved around a lot and has pared down their belongings along the way which is helpful but the other set has been in the same home 50 years and keeps and attaches sentimental value to everything. How do we (a) kindly suggest that they start paring things down and (b) prepare ourselves for having to do it ourselves in the future?

Don’t you have anything else to focus on? Are your own papers and orders straight?

It’s a valid concern as parents age, PP.

[Anonymous]

So what if one’s spouse has a great attachment to family items? My spouse’s parents have a jam packed home and I’m worried about how much I’m going to be asked to keep in our basement…

[Anonymous]

Yes, I worry about it. They live far away and it would take months to go through everything. I am pretty ruthless about tradhing stuff but they collect antiques and clocks, so that part is hard to just throw out.

[Anonymous]

Start now, as in start now on your own home with your own stuff. Trying to get them to work on their treasures only results in most digging in their heels and holding on more tightly. After years I have come to realize it was wasted negative energy and now still have to deal with the stuff. Worry more about their feelings for now, the stuff will get dealt with eventually.

[Anonymous]

I wasted hours and hours of my life helping them sort through things and then as they got more obsessive I had to stop and focus on my own family. My parents had insane amounts of money to hire someone to help them and refused. When the time comes I will hire someone to do it all. I devoted endless time to their care and to helping them with tasks only to have them treat those who did little as royalty and me as the personal slave. Had to step back to deal with own family stressors. Not getting sucked into helping rich people save their money and give the other siblings handouts anymore.

[Anonymous]

The main thing to focus on is getting rid of anything withYOUR ss number and personal info. Encourage them to do get rid of any info they don’t want a ST stranger having, same for sibs. Nobody thinks about the fact parent could end in hospital then rehabilitation then nursing home at the same time you have your own medical crisis. Now that elders live so long it happens more often and also you even see adult children died before elders more than you used to. So they should at least have things so that if hired help move them and empty the house there is no risk of identity theft or getting into accounts.

[Anonymous]

It’s not worth the effort to twist your parents’ arms about this. At worst get a junk hauling company to clear out their house after they no longer occupy it—shouldn’t be too expensive?

[Anonymous]

Ours laugh about it. They said if we really want that inheritance, we have to clean out their houses. I get their point and it really is a non issue.

Inlaws collect expensive antiques like furniture, crystal, massive 6' vases, art. Sigh. My parents like to buy classic cars (like 100k Corvettes) instead of stocks or gold. FFS. I wish people stuck to investments that could easily be liquidated. I'm sure both sets know how much their things are worth, but it's hard for a non collector.

[Anonymous]

No.

I am more concerned about the fact that I live an across the Atlantic ocean, I'm an only child, and my parents are the type to not have friends and never get help of any kind. When they actually need the help, God help us all.

[Anonymous]

I have myself a year to empty out my parents house (250 miles from where I live). It took 5 commercial sized dumpsters. I did most of the work myself (donated clothing and furniture to charities) and hired junk haulers for the heavy stuff (which I left for last). Doing a little bit at a time made it not so overwhelming. Also, be realistic as to what to “keep.” It’s not easy throwing away photos and memories but it’s not practical to save it all. Even having done all this, I am still renting two storage units to keep 60 years worth collectibles until I can figure out what to do with them.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it stresses me out because my elderly parents live far away and my siblings are not very capable. So it will likely all fall to me. Probably a third of what's in the house can be put into a landfill, sorry to say. After siblings pick out what they want, I will first get a junk hauler to haul away the junk and then have one of those estate services come in and do an estate sale to try to get rid of the nicer stuff (my "collector" parent does have a good eye...picking up stuff at other people's estate sales).

The main thing that will be stressful is how far away their house is and how much time I'll have to take off work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have myself a year to empty out my parents house (250 miles from where I live). It took 5 commercial sized dumpsters. I did most of the work myself (donated clothing and furniture to charities) and hired junk haulers for the heavy stuff (which I left for last). Doing a little bit at a time made it not so overwhelming. Also, be realistic as to what to “keep.” It’s not easy throwing away photos and memories but it’s not practical to save it all. Even having done all this, I am still renting two storage units to keep 60 years worth collectibles until I can figure out what to do with them.

Did you move into the house or maintain bills for both your place and theirs during the year? Doing a bit at a time makes sense in some ways, but I couldn't devote that kind of time to it.