Sexless marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am resentful and never initiate it. He never does either - tired, early meetings etc. I had a very high sex drive but with him I feel like 66 y old now

Op - I am you.
Is a bummer. The resentment is the killer

Resentment kills drive toward one person: the man you married.

It never comes back, for him.

What happened when the silent do nothing suddenly wakes up and HE is resentful?

Do you try to peel back the onion since you can explain how one thing led to another? Or just let it go? Or just totally cut bait since he’s playing the victim card now… ?

[Anonymous]

Doody sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow- my husband of 25 years thinks less than 3 times minimum per week is sexless. Still cheated too.

That is a lot for a long marriage.

My husband of over 25 years also thinks that we should have sex at least 3-4 times a week (every other day is more like it) and when we don’t - he’s a monster to live with. Irritable and annoyed until he gets it. I’m exhausted.

Does he get you there every time, or is it more duty sex and he doesn't care as much about your pleasure (cause the latter would kind of suck).

As long as it's not doody sex. Or maybe he'd like that?

[Anonymous]

I’m so fearful of this happening. I can’t imagine being with someone who doesn’t want to have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:‘Happily married’ with 2 kids. both
In early forties - good looking. We have sex once in 2 months and even then I fake. Sex is not good. I am on AD but still can have and achieve orgasms. Husband does not seem to bothered if we don’t have sex often. I am attractive looking so that’s not a problem.

We sleep in different bedrooms because of snoring. Sometimes I don’t care but sometimes it gets me too hard.

He is loyal and all perfect otherwise. I am not leaving him bc of the kids

My guess is that there are more relationship issues. Do you feel you love him, or is it just nice having duel incomes with the kids?

Touché lol at dueling incomes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not sexless. That is defined as no sex for 10 months or longer. I had a sexless marriage: literally nothing for 7 out of 10 years.

Incorrect.

Marriage counselors define a sexless marriage as “fewer than 11 instances of coitus over one year.”

LOL, if that's the case my spouse and I haven't had sex in over ten years. Yeah, you read that right. We're basically roommates raising our kids. That's it. We still sleep in the same bed, but we both have separate covers because one is cold and one is hot at night. But, yeah it's been ten years since we had sex and I'm not exaggerating because the last time we had sex was when we had our last kid who is ten.

That’s… not awesome? I don’t understand how you can sleep in the same bed with someone and not happen to have sex for 10 years. I feel like no matter who was in bed with me, once in awhile I would get in the mood and start touching them. It just seems impossible.

Completely possible. I'm at 8 years.
King sized bed. One person either goes to bed real early or real late so as to avoid the other. Inability to admit there's an issue much less try and fix it.
Both sides wanting to keep their kids in an intact home.
There's 90% of the recipe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not sexless. That is defined as no sex for 10 months or longer. I had a sexless marriage: literally nothing for 7 out of 10 years.

Incorrect.

Marriage counselors define a sexless marriage as “fewer than 11 instances of coitus over one year.”

LOL, if that's the case my spouse and I haven't had sex in over ten years. Yeah, you read that right. We're basically roommates raising our kids. That's it. We still sleep in the same bed, but we both have separate covers because one is cold and one is hot at night. But, yeah it's been ten years since we had sex and I'm not exaggerating because the last time we had sex was when we had our last kid who is ten.

That’s… not awesome? I don’t understand how you can sleep in the same bed with someone and not happen to have sex for 10 years. I feel like no matter who was in bed with me, once in awhile I would get in the mood and start touching them. It just seems impossible.

Completely possible. I'm at 8 years.
King sized bed. One person either goes to bed real early or real late so as to avoid the other. Inability to admit there's an issue much less try and fix it.
Both sides wanting to keep their kids in an intact home.
There's 90% of the recipe.

This is the way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not sexless. That is defined as no sex for 10 months or longer. I had a sexless marriage: literally nothing for 7 out of 10 years.

Incorrect.

Marriage counselors define a sexless marriage as “fewer than 11 instances of coitus over one year.”

LOL, if that's the case my spouse and I haven't had sex in over ten years. Yeah, you read that right. We're basically roommates raising our kids. That's it. We still sleep in the same bed, but we both have separate covers because one is cold and one is hot at night. But, yeah it's been ten years since we had sex and I'm not exaggerating because the last time we had sex was when we had our last kid who is ten.

That’s… not awesome? I don’t understand how you can sleep in the same bed with someone and not happen to have sex for 10 years. I feel like no matter who was in bed with me, once in awhile I would get in the mood and start touching them. It just seems impossible.

Completely possible. I'm at 8 years.
King sized bed. One person either goes to bed real early or real late so as to avoid the other. Inability to admit there's an issue much less try and fix it.
Both sides wanting to keep their kids in an intact home.
There's 90% of the recipe.

This is the way

Yep. Pretty much. But it can happen without the kids, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:‘Happily married’ with 2 kids. both
In early forties - good looking. We have sex once in 2 months and even then I fake. Sex is not good. I am on AD but still can have and achieve orgasms. Husband does not seem to bothered if we don’t have sex often. I am attractive looking so that’s not a problem.

We sleep in different bedrooms because of snoring. Sometimes I don’t care but sometimes it gets me too hard.

He is loyal and all perfect otherwise. I am not leaving him bc of the kids

Why are you faking? That’s not good. You are creating the bad sex by faking. If you don’t feel pleasure, you redirect your husband until it feels good. He won’t mind learning.

DP. Mid 40s woman in a sexless marriage for a variety of reasons. When we were having sex, my DH absolutely DID mind when I tried to redirect him to what felt good. He would get very angry about it. I couldn’t help it; after the birth of our second child, and as I was entering my 40s, things just felt different. My drive was already becoming low to begin with, and his attitude toward me killed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not sexless. That is defined as no sex for 10 months or longer. I had a sexless marriage: literally nothing for 7 out of 10 years.

Incorrect.

Marriage counselors define a sexless marriage as “fewer than 11 instances of coitus over one year.”

LOL, if that's the case my spouse and I haven't had sex in over ten years. Yeah, you read that right. We're basically roommates raising our kids. That's it. We still sleep in the same bed, but we both have separate covers because one is cold and one is hot at night. But, yeah it's been ten years since we had sex and I'm not exaggerating because the last time we had sex was when we had our last kid who is ten.

Ten years….same bed….no sex….really? One or both of you must be getting it elsewhere.

I don't think that's necessarily true. I house share with my lifelong friend and her husband and kid, and they have a situation exactly as described above. Sometimes two people who are both low libido find each other, want to parent together, and fit together nicely enough that they can model a healthy marriage to their child(ren) despite having no sex life. My friends are affectionate with one another, they are best friends who share all the same geeky interests and have imparted them on their kid, they have a nice little family with from the outside looks fairly enviable. He sits on his bottom too much while letting her do most of the housework and life management, but that's typical of many American marriages. My friend is a great mother and gets to enjoy her child with a roommate/bestie/dad who does a pretty good job of being an involved, caring dad. Nobody is cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not sexless. That is defined as no sex for 10 months or longer. I had a sexless marriage: literally nothing for 7 out of 10 years.

Incorrect.

Marriage counselors define a sexless marriage as “fewer than 11 instances of coitus over one year.”

LOL, if that's the case my spouse and I haven't had sex in over ten years. Yeah, you read that right. We're basically roommates raising our kids. That's it. We still sleep in the same bed, but we both have separate covers because one is cold and one is hot at night. But, yeah it's been ten years since we had sex and I'm not exaggerating because the last time we had sex was when we had our last kid who is ten.

Ten years….same bed….no sex….really? One or both of you must be getting it elsewhere.

I went 7 years no sex. No one was getting it elsewhere. This happens more than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:‘Happily married’ with 2 kids. both
In early forties - good looking. We have sex once in 2 months and even then I fake. Sex is not good. I am on AD but still can have and achieve orgasms. Husband does not seem to bothered if we don’t have sex often. I am attractive looking so that’s not a problem.

We sleep in different bedrooms because of snoring. Sometimes I don’t care but sometimes it gets me too hard.

He is loyal and all perfect otherwise. I am not leaving him bc of the kids

Why are you faking? That’s not good. You are creating the bad sex by faking. If you don’t feel pleasure, you redirect your husband until it feels good. He won’t mind learning.

DP. Mid 40s woman in a sexless marriage for a variety of reasons. When we were having sex, my DH absolutely DID mind when I tried to redirect him to what felt good. He would get very angry about it. I couldn’t help it; after the birth of our second child, and as I was entering my 40s, things just felt different. My drive was already becoming low to begin with, and his attitude toward me killed it.

I can relate bwtween 3 kids low sex drive and my husbands attitude we are coming up on 3 years no sex!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not sexless. That is defined as no sex for 10 months or longer. I had a sexless marriage: literally nothing for 7 out of 10 years.

Incorrect.

Marriage counselors define a sexless marriage as “fewer than 11 instances of coitus over one year.”

LOL, if that's the case my spouse and I haven't had sex in over ten years. Yeah, you read that right. We're basically roommates raising our kids. That's it. We still sleep in the same bed, but we both have separate covers because one is cold and one is hot at night. But, yeah it's been ten years since we had sex and I'm not exaggerating because the last time we had sex was when we had our last kid who is ten.

Ten years….same bed….no sex….really? One or both of you must be getting it elsewhere.

I went 7 years no sex. No one was getting it elsewhere. This happens more than you think.

True.

Someone with better search skills could easily compile dozens and dozens of cases where people lived in sexless marriages for years, and that’s just on DCUM alone.

It is fairly common, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not sexless. That is defined as no sex for 10 months or longer. I had a sexless marriage: literally nothing for 7 out of 10 years.

Incorrect.

Marriage counselors define a sexless marriage as “fewer than 11 instances of coitus over one year.”

LOL, if that's the case my spouse and I haven't had sex in over ten years. Yeah, you read that right. We're basically roommates raising our kids. That's it. We still sleep in the same bed, but we both have separate covers because one is cold and one is hot at night. But, yeah it's been ten years since we had sex and I'm not exaggerating because the last time we had sex was when we had our last kid who is ten.

Ten years….same bed….no sex….really? One or both of you must be getting it elsewhere.

I went 7 years no sex. No one was getting it elsewhere. This happens more than you think.

True.

Someone with better search skills could easily compile dozens and dozens of cases where people lived in sexless marriages for years, and that’s just on DCUM alone.

It is fairly common, obviously.

Yes its very common i dont need to have sex with my husband to show i love him. We have a great marriage with sex off the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not sexless. That is defined as no sex for 10 months or longer. I had a sexless marriage: literally nothing for 7 out of 10 years.

Incorrect.

Marriage counselors define a sexless marriage as “fewer than 11 instances of coitus over one year.”

LOL, if that's the case my spouse and I haven't had sex in over ten years. Yeah, you read that right. We're basically roommates raising our kids. That's it. We still sleep in the same bed, but we both have separate covers because one is cold and one is hot at night. But, yeah it's been ten years since we had sex and I'm not exaggerating because the last time we had sex was when we had our last kid who is ten.

Ten years….same bed….no sex….really? One or both of you must be getting it elsewhere.

I went 7 years no sex. No one was getting it elsewhere. This happens more than you think.

same but 8 years. I really don't know if DW was getting it elsewhere but if I had to guess I would say she was just happy without it