Age and Paying for Weddings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For us older parents. I had my last kid 45.

If my kid gets married say 32 am I really expected at 77 to pay daughters wedding, throw baby showers and all that normal younger parent stuff.

I mean I will be in 80s when my kid has kids

It is 2023. Kids pay for their own weddings. I would have been horrified if my parents paid. People don’t provide a dowry so their daughter can marry, and grooms don’t give the brides’ parents livestock anymore.

Gift the couple money if you want but you have no obligation to pay for the wedding or a house. Especially if you’ve already paid for some or all of their college. If your kid is old enough to get married, they are old enough to pay for their own event.

Cut the umbilical cord.

[Anonymous]

It is 2023. Parents pay if they would like to and if they can. A great way for boomers to help out the next generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why your kid needs to be punished for *your* age when they get married.

It's only punishment if you view having your wedding paid for as an entitlement. OP - if you can't afford to pay for a wedding in your retirement, then you don't have to. It would be foolish to spend the funds on a wedding.

I agree with you that paying for a wedding is a nice to have. However, go re-read the OP. She hates her child and is obvious about it.

The OP "hates" her child?? What? That's what you from the original post, PP? What an odd conclusion to draw.

In terms of parents paying for weddings, I think it's great if it's something the parents can afford and want to do but certainly not a requirement. Plus I don't think financial responsibilities should be gender specific.

My mother contributed a small amount but my DH and I paid for most of our own wedding (which was modest in size and expense). A wedding is just one day and in my mind not that important in the grand scheme of things. I've been to lavish weddings where the couple ended up divorcing and a courthouse wedding where the couple is still married many years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For us older parents. I had my last kid 45.

If my kid gets married say 32 am I really expected at 77 to pay daughters wedding, throw baby showers and all that normal younger parent stuff.

I mean I will be in 80s when my kid has kids

I think the big thing is just to do what makes sense for you, given your finances and feelings about weddings, and communicate about what you’ll be doing.

[Anonymous]

Well, I never married and my parents are now retired and 80/77. I know that they would love nothing more than to pay for my wedding, should I meet someone and want to get married. It's something they would have loved to do twenty-five years and nothing has changed. I could see them even discouraging me from having something very small and toned down, because it's no less worth celebrating when the bride is 50.
They love me and they always intended to pay for our educations and weddings, as far as they were able to, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For us older parents. I had my last kid 45.

If my kid gets married say 32 am I really expected at 77 to pay daughters wedding, throw baby showers and all that normal younger parent stuff.

I mean I will be in 80s when my kid has kids

Paying for weddings and baby showers isn't your responsibility. If you've some extra money, give it or not, they can have a court wedding and skip baby shower if they don't have money. Its not like fancy events would make marriage happier or baby healthier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us older parents. I had my last kid 45.

If my kid gets married say 32 am I really expected at 77 to pay daughters wedding, throw baby showers and all that normal younger parent stuff.

I mean I will be in 80s when my kid has kids

Paying for weddings and baby showers isn't your responsibility. If you've some extra money, give it or not, they can have a court wedding and skip baby shower if they don't have money. Its not like fancy events would make marriage happier or baby healthier.

+1

You don't have to show off to anyone, OP. Let them be responsible for their own "party".

[Anonymous]

My in-laws were in their mid-70s when we got married. We did not ask or expect them to pay for anything wedding-related, but they hosted the rehearsal dinner and wound up giving us a large check for the wedding. It was very generous of them, but absolutely not expected, as DH and I were both adults with jobs, etc., by that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws were in their mid-70s when we got married. We did not ask or expect them to pay for anything wedding-related, but they hosted the rehearsal dinner and wound up giving us a large check for the wedding. It was very generous of them, but absolutely not expected, as DH and I were both adults with jobs, etc., by that point.

I should also note that they have the kind of state pension that no longer exists, so were in a position to do this without jeopardizing their own financial well-being. My own parents were mid-60s, but contributed only a token amount, because they are not in as good of a position, and that was absolutely fine, too. I fully expect we will be supporting at least one of them in their old age.

[Anonymous]

No parent has to pay for the wedding of their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No parent has to pay for the wedding of their children.

+1

Also, I would think most competent adults would be embarrassed for their parents to pay for a wedding, especially if the couple getting married has full time jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No parent has to pay for the wedding of their children.

This. But if you were going to do it when younger, why should being older matter...you will have had that much longer to save. If anything I would expect older parents to do this more than younger ones.

[Anonymous]

I think that generally the longer the couple has been working, the more it is expected that they cover more of the costs of their wedding. My friend who got married a week after graduation - her parents covered it. My cousin who got married at 40 and is a doctor - she covered it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that generally the longer the couple has been working, the more it is expected that they cover more of the costs of their wedding. My friend who got married a week after graduation - her parents covered it. My cousin who got married at 40 and is a doctor - she covered it.

Most of my friends were in their mid to late 20's, when they became married, and paid for what they could afford. Some were lavish weddings, because the couple was working full time. It is not only 40 year olds that can are willing and able to pay for their weddings, nor is it only rich couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No parent has to pay for the wedding of their children.

+1

Also, I would think most competent adults would be embarrassed for their parents to pay for a wedding, especially if the couple getting married has full time jobs.

I really don’t get this whole strain of “it’s embarrassing to pass wealth from parent to child before death”.

The whole point of a dowry was to pass wealth at marriage but all of a sudden people think it reflects poorly on you as a person if you accept any cash from your parents besides an inheritance? Makes no sense to me (assuming of course the parent has the wealth to share).