Will this make juggling 3 kids easier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. To clarify, I call it babysitting, not DH. I call it babysitting when I have both kids to myself too. DH does get most of the wake-ups now. But kids don't always go back to sleep when you want them to, so sometimes, there's a child in our bed climbing over us as we're trying to sleep at 6am.

DH makes under $200k, as do I. So while that's enough to pay for a $200 a month gym membership with childcare, it's not enough to eat takeout or go to brunch with other SAHMs every day. I know the negotiating sounds odd, but it's my attempt at fulfilling DH's dream while curing my own baby fever and maintaining a manageable life.

Yeah, I think I just need a different solution to getting over baby fever.

It sounds like your income is necessary to maintain your standard of living. In your case I'm not sure if staying home is really a long term option. Have you guys done the number crunching? Also, just as an aside, the solo vacation sounds like a great idea in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue will be when the kids get older- Once the youngest is in elementary school and all the kids have different activities in the afternoons and on weekends it gets more complicated. I stay at home, and we had to hire an afternoon driver/nanny to help me juggle all the afternoon things while DH works. One day a week he stops work early to help and the nanny is off that day. Ages 5-16, when kids have lots of activities and stay up later at night, and before they have can drive themselves and be more independent, that is when it is difficult. And all the appointments!

Totally agree! And the orthodontia years!

[Anonymous]

Repeat after me. Dads don't babysit their own kids.

It's called parenting. Both dads and moms can do it.

[Anonymous]

That’s not enough money to SAH comfortably. If it were double that, then maybe.

[Anonymous]

I have three kids and no help and a full time job and I also volunteer in the community and find it all manageable. And honestly I have a next door neighbor with one five year old who regularly seems ready to pull her hair out and I kind of look at her like 'really?'

But the fact is that every person is different and what one person can handle and be happy doing is not what another person can handle and be happy doing.

I do not think cutting your income in half is going to help ANYTHING. It sounds like you shouldn't have a third, or like you should wait a few years so you have kids more spread out and less needy. There's no shame in that and you do your husband and your kids a service by knowing your limits and staying within them.

[Anonymous]

I find taking care of all 3 of my kids at once way more less fun than 2 at a time. They're currently 2 / 4 / 6yos and their needs are just too different. The 2yo needs close watching out of the house which upsets the 4 and 6yos that I can't play with them (or focus on the museum activity or whatever) the way they want. Or i'll try to play games with them at the playground and the 2yo will start sobbing that I'm moving too fast and he can't keep up with us.

my point isn't that kids need to be parented this way. my point is that its the part of parenting i enjoy and its made it much more difficult. same with things like reading to each kid at bedtime and giving them their own special 1:1 time or doing a project thats their interests and skill. all of it is so much harder. when you have 3 your job increasingly becomes manager of their needs verus able to have fun with them. think about what type of parenting you enjoy and how it would be impacted by having another kid in another stage to take care of.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe deciding on a third child should be like a business transaction..... Don't think a third is right for you guys and what are you going to do? And your husband doesn't hold up his end of the bargain give the kid back? He has zero risk in this. He'll get what he wants either way.... A child..... You have no recourse if he doesn't hold up his end of the bargain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t you work from home full time with 3 kids and a nanny? You may need to send the older ones to part day preschool so they’re not tethered to the newborn’s nap schedule but it would be fine. Or space yours out (that’s what we did). DC 1 and 2 were 5 and 7 when #3 came along so we just needed a nanny to watch 1 baby during school hours pretty much.

Also, your DH should watch the kids so you have time to yourself. That isn’t a negotiation. That is being a good partner. He isn’t babysitting either, it’s called parenting.

I have three and work from home and we have a nanny. I really wanted three and if you’re unsure you might be better off waiting a few years before having another - if you can from a fertility standpoint. I also wouldn’t make having threw contingent on SAHM or having solo vacations. Neither is realistic in all situations and if for some reason one of the things your husband has promised doesn’t work you will feel resentful, probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find taking care of all 3 of my kids at once way more less fun than 2 at a time. They're currently 2 / 4 / 6yos and their needs are just too different. The 2yo needs close watching out of the house which upsets the 4 and 6yos that I can't play with them (or focus on the museum activity or whatever) the way they want. Or i'll try to play games with them at the playground and the 2yo will start sobbing that I'm moving too fast and he can't keep up with us.

my point isn't that kids need to be parented this way. my point is that its the part of parenting i enjoy and its made it much more difficult. same with things like reading to each kid at bedtime and giving them their own special 1:1 time or doing a project thats their interests and skill. all of it is so much harder. when you have 3 your job increasingly becomes manager of their needs verus able to have fun with them. think about what type of parenting you enjoy and how it would be impacted by having another kid in another stage to take care of.

My older kids play together (4 and 2, youngest is a baby) at the playground and my 4 year old loves climbing and monkey bars - my 2 year old loves pretending to do the monkey bars. I would try sitting back and letting them play together or scheduling a play date with friends at the playground.

I find it hard sometimes when they want to do different things at once but in that case the are learning turn taking, self advocating (I need/I want), and empathy (how would I feel if). We complain about entitlement but then feel like we’re failing if our child doesn’t get exactly what they want when they want it. Patience is a virtue and so is empathy and sometimes so is making the best out of an imperfect situation because life is rarely perfect!

[Anonymous]

I'm going to say what I say in every thread like this: stay home if you WANT TO STAY HOME, not because it will make your life "easier" or whatever. It won't. Being a SAHM is a vocation and you have to enjoy it and genuinely want to do it, or you're doing your kids a big disservice.

[Anonymous]

You have baby fever. Your DH wants a third. You should go for it. I’m not sure you can afford to be a SAHM forever but you should be able to make it work for a few years and go back to work. Part time work may also be an option to keep your skills fresh and not have a large gap in your resume.

I was in a somewhat similar situation but DH earned 800k. 3 kids is a lot of work.

[Anonymous]

I’d get a post nup before quitting my job.

My view as one with three is what gets tough is when they are tweens and teens and all have different activities at different remote spots in the suburbs. Husband needs to be available in evenings to drive at least one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find taking care of all 3 of my kids at once way more less fun than 2 at a time. They're currently 2 / 4 / 6yos and their needs are just too different. The 2yo needs close watching out of the house which upsets the 4 and 6yos that I can't play with them (or focus on the museum activity or whatever) the way they want. Or i'll try to play games with them at the playground and the 2yo will start sobbing that I'm moving too fast and he can't keep up with us.

my point isn't that kids need to be parented this way. my point is that its the part of parenting i enjoy and its made it much more difficult. same with things like reading to each kid at bedtime and giving them their own special 1:1 time or doing a project thats their interests and skill. all of it is so much harder. when you have 3 your job increasingly becomes manager of their needs verus able to have fun with them. think about what type of parenting you enjoy and how it would be impacted by having another kid in another stage to take care of.

This is such a brief moment in time.

Mine are 3, 6 and 8 and it’s fairly easy and fun to spend time with all of them together.

I think the biggest issue is that a 2 year old requires a lot of supervision. A year from now, you’ll be surprised at what you can do with all three of them.

[Anonymous]

either you are the type of person who is going to roll along with another kid or you are not. having your husband draft promises and changing your life completely (quitting job - why?) is nuts.

we have 3. i work from home full time, DH is helpful. we don't have a nanny more (youngest is 5, oldest 12). but i am kind of person who is just going to plow through, make it done and tolerate chaos and imperfections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three kids is totally manageable. You're overthinking this.

Three kids is manageable for people confident in their ability to manage three kids. Not so much for people already overwhelmed with two kids.