Will this make juggling 3 kids easier?

[Anonymous]

OP I think you know the answer to this already. Your DH will be the same parent he is with 2 kids. If that's "manageable" without additional concessions, then consider it. But don't expect him to change or follow through on these promises. And consider whether you actually want to give up working and stay home. The goal should be for you to feel fulfilled and happy, not just managing. Your language suggests you would see it as a negative, but that's up to you to figure out. The baby fever will pass, but you should make the decision that is right for your life, not because DH pressures you into it.

[Anonymous]

I think if you're overwhelmed with 2 kids (and you absolutely are) do not have a 3rd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say the deal with your DH is you staying at home with the kids and doing laundry, cooking and childcare with DH doing chores and outsourcing heavy cleaning. Or you working full-time at home with a nanny. Which is it?

She means if she has the third it will be the former. It's currently the latter.

[Anonymous]

What are the age gaps? If I had my dh support I would quit. I have 7, 4, and 1. As it is I work part time from home for very good money (70k) that I can’t really justify giving up. It’s the mental load of keeping track of a job that is hard since I’m keeping track of the kids schedules too. I would much rather volunteer in the school and make some mom friends. Wfh in my job is lonely as it’s mostly solitary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he wants a boy, tell him you will not have a third until he wants a baby.

Yeah do you have two DD now??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I currently have 2 kids, and DH really wants a 3rd. I have baby fever and am considering it, but am also happy to stop at 2. DH wants a 3rd badly and is willing to make all sorts of concessions to make that happen. He has agreed that if I go for the 3rd, I can stay home with the kids, handling childcare, cooking, and laundry. I will not be obligated to complete any cleaning beyond picking up after the kids a bit. All of the heavy duty cleaning will be outsourced, and the remainder chores picked up by DH. DH will babysit while I go on a weeklong vacation every year without the kids. DH will also babysit so I can continue some of my hobbies. But, I'm worried I will regret ruining my current setup of working from home and having a nanny. Even with a nanny, I know I won't be able to handle 3 kids while working full-time. Will the above keep my life manageable with 3 kids?

How much does he make? Life as a lower income SAHM is boring and isolating as hell. You want money to do the coffee and yoga meetups with other moms.

[Anonymous]

Your husband offered to babysit HIS children? How charming.

This alone would make me not do it. You're giving everything up and he thinks you'll do it all except for your one week a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH does more cleaning than me. Some cooking too, and a lot of grocery shopping. I call it babysitting in a tongue-in-cheek manner when either of us has both (or all) of the kids alone. We usually each take one kid or both handle both kids together.

I can't handle 3 kids with a nanny because the nanny will only be there while I'm working. And with 3 kids, someone is likely to wake up in the middle of the night or too early in the morning. I'd be too exhausted to concentrate on work with the interrupted sleep. There would also be more appointments for the household, which mostly falls onto me to organize.

I guess babysitting doesn't include nighttime wake ups?

[Anonymous]

The fact that you are using the word "juggle" to reference adding a kid you seem lukewarm about having speaks volumes. Your DH "compromising" that you will leave your career to be a SAHM handling childcare, cooking, and laundry sounds like it will be a massive change for you and he will get his status quo, plus another kid. I do think you will regret this unless DH makes the kind of money where you can go to a gym with childcare, utilize moms morning out programs, get coffee and go to nice playdates with SAHM friends, etc. Being a broke stay at home mom when you are used to WFH with a nanny sounds miserable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids really want a dog and have promised they will walk it three times a day, feed it, wash it, and pick up all poop.
This is like that. Empty promises.

This is too true.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a very strange transaction, not a decision about having a baby! Do you WANT to stay home? If you don’t have a third, does that mean you don’t get to go on a solo vacation?? You need to decide if you actually want a baby or not. If you do, it sounds like all the logistics will work out. Wait till oldest is in school and nanny can handle younger two, same as now.

All of the compromises DH is offering should already be happening with 2 kids. As for sleep deprivation and kid appointments, can’t your DH trade off on some night wakings and time off? If you’re both working, those should already be shared if at all possible.

[Anonymous]

OP again. To clarify, I call it babysitting, not DH. I call it babysitting when I have both kids to myself too. DH does get most of the wake-ups now. But kids don't always go back to sleep when you want them to, so sometimes, there's a child in our bed climbing over us as we're trying to sleep at 6am.

DH makes under $200k, as do I. So while that's enough to pay for a $200 a month gym membership with childcare, it's not enough to eat takeout or go to brunch with other SAHMs every day. I know the negotiating sounds odd, but it's my attempt at fulfilling DH's dream while curing my own baby fever and maintaining a manageable life.

Yeah, I think I just need a different solution to getting over baby fever.

[Anonymous]

Also, I already did a solo vacation. Though I haven't offered DH the same opportunity.

[Anonymous]

I think it will be hard to live your current lifestyle with 200k + another baby. College for a third will be twice that annual salary. If you go down this path anyways, negotiate nothing less than everything on your list + he takes all the 3rd baby night time and early morning wake ups. And be clear about the chores he will do. That all said, I don’t recommend it based on what your posts.

[Anonymous]

Three kids is totally manageable. You're overthinking this.