HS Son--no friends

[Anonymous]

For sports that have easier entry in HS - XC, Crew, Ultimate

Other clubs that my DS (who has a similar profile) has engaged with include DND, Electric Car, Yearbook.

Another option is around service hours to schedule something and say there is another spot and ask if there is a friend who needs hours / wants to come. I know it feels like a lot - but post COVID + tech a lot of kids need more support in connecting.

[Anonymous]

Op, does your son have ADHD by any chance? Mine does, and has done better connecting with neighborhood kids a year or two younger vs. at his high school. The maturity match just isn't there currently.

[Anonymous]

Winter sports are about to start - indoor track might be a good one to try. Running kids in my experience seem to be accepting and it would be a good way to make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest doing cross country and track. It tends to be a very welcoming environment. Workouts will be very intense. But socially it's very low key and cool. Regardless of anything, after two months you'll be very fit. During covid, it was the first thing that opened up since it was outdoors. And there were a gazillion kids who were starved for human interaction. So it became immensely popular. I think that vibe has carried over. The meets are important of course. But the social vibe is real. And it's a very convenient sport. Meets right after school. All you need to do is run. And you get better very quickly when you're a teenager. It was a godsend for my son during the covid time. Went from dork to stud. Still competes in college.

My freshman boy went to a HS where he didn’t know a lot of people and joined cross country and made all of his school friends through the team. Try track.

[Anonymous]

Get a good therapist to work with him on the social anxiety. When ready he will need smaller, safe environments to interact in. Big high school lunch rooms are surely not ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest doing cross country and track. It tends to be a very welcoming environment. Workouts will be very intense. But socially it's very low key and cool. Regardless of anything, after two months you'll be very fit. During covid, it was the first thing that opened up since it was outdoors. And there were a gazillion kids who were starved for human interaction. So it became immensely popular. I think that vibe has carried over. The meets are important of course. But the social vibe is real. And it's a very convenient sport. Meets right after school. All you need to do is run. And you get better very quickly when you're a teenager. It was a godsend for my son during the covid time. Went from dork to stud. Still competes in college.

Not the OP, but our track and x-country teams are not no-cut. Like all the teams in our FCPS school, they are competitive, although maybe a little less so than some other sports. Still, it's far from no-cut.

[Anonymous]

The meets are important of course. But the social vibe is real. And it's a very convenient sport. Meets right after school. All you need to do is run. And you get better very quickly when you're a teenager. It was a godsend for my son during the covid time. Went from dork to stud. Still competes in college.

I am glad this happened for your son, genuinely. However, to temper OP's expectations, my son did XC and track and field, and made one friend and a few friendly acquaintances. I was happy with that result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am torn because I think he liked having friends but doesn't know how to make new ones so he just doesn't do the work and kids lose interest . But how does one help? It isn't like I can set up play dates. I just want him to have social plans. Or someone to hang with in the time between classes at school. He's into performing arts but not theater. He likes seeing plays; movies etc

OP, I could have written these posts myself (except I don't know what "EC" is). My 9th-grader doesn't have a single friend in HS, although he had a group of close friends pre-Covid. Then a couple moved away and the others sort of drifted their own way in HS, plus he was in completely different classes and never saw them. He eats alone every single day and from what I understand does not speak to another human all day. And no one speaks to him. He is terribly lonely, depressed, and suffers from social anxiety. He wants friends but just can't bring himself to say anything to anyone. We made him join some clubs, hoping that would help, but he just sits there alone too. I don't have any idea what to do for him.

Sadly, our HS is huge, and he had some athletic interests but most of the teams are filled with elite athletes, and he is good, but probably not quite good enough, and even a lot of the clubs are competitive. In one case, the process of trying out was so overwhelming - loud, chaotic, and competitive just to get to the front of the line to perform a skill - that he was paralyzed by anxiety over the environment and couldn't even complete the try-out.

He has a few friends that don't go to his high school, and I try to make plans with them on weekends, but as they find their own activities with their own HS friends it becomes more and more difficult. I am at a total loss.

Again - Cross Country or Crew. At our giant high school, neither of those teams make cuts. Both are a great way to meet people and make friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would suggest doing cross country and track. It tends to be a very welcoming environment. Workouts will be very intense. But socially it's very low key and cool. Regardless of anything, after two months you'll be very fit. During covid, it was the first thing that opened up since it was outdoors. And there were a gazillion kids who were starved for human interaction. So it became immensely popular. I think that vibe has carried over. The meets are important of course. But the social vibe is real. And it's a very convenient sport. Meets right after school. All you need to do is run. And you get better very quickly when you're a teenager. It was a godsend for my son during the covid time. Went from dork to stud. Still competes in college.

Or crew. Kids who start crew generally have no prior experience so it’s a low barrier to entry. The kids are on the quirky side so almost everyone fits in. They travel in a pack.

Does it cost money to join crew? It costs between 1k and 2k each year for each kid at McLean to join crew, IIRC.

Crew is cool, but it's a huge commitment and not something you throw someone into just to make friends.

True but the friends make it what it is. Most kids try it and realize how much they like the social aspect, not how much they like the rowing machine or blistered hands!

[Anonymous]

Ultimate frisbee is another good idea.