Favoritism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I have a sister who badmouths me to my aunt so that she can inherit a valuable house. Not much better - I’ve endured decades of bullying from her. Her reason is that I was the favorite child of one of our parents - then again she was the favorite child of the other parent. While it’s wrong, it does even out. She’s deeply disturbed IMO and would benefit from therapy.

Yes! The bullies who are after jewelry, etc. are the worst and the most obvious. So gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of my favorite things about having an only child.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. By the time my kids were in preschool they knew the phrase “everybody in this family is in the same team.” We support each other. Just keep repeating it and demonstrating it.

Saying it and behaving that way are two very different things.

[Anonymous]

My mother used to prefer my brother, I think he was just easier, but later in life she would distrust us both and badmouth us to each other. She is dead and frankly I am happy. I have a good relationship with brother and dad.
My ex - his father remarried and had another child and though he is superficially nice to my ex, financially his younger son is his favorite. I think my ex is clueless, or tries to pretend it’s not so.
My ex prefers our son to his older daughter. I think it’s because she is a girl, and because her mother was engaged in parental alienation and brought her up as a pretty materialistic, selfish person. She isn’t horrible but she clearly doesn’t like her dad and tries to get as much money from him as possible. I don’t judge her, I don’t have a horse in this race anymore, but just saying that sometimes it’s not the parent’s fault they have a favorite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I have a sister who badmouths me to my aunt so that she can inherit a valuable house. Not much better - I’ve endured decades of bullying from her. Her reason is that I was the favorite child of one of our parents - then again she was the favorite child of the other parent. While it’s wrong, it does even out. She’s deeply disturbed IMO and would benefit from therapy.

Yes! The bullies who are after jewelry, etc. are the worst and the most obvious. So gross.

Jewelry, I don’t care much. She has a low paying job, and feels entitled to the same assets/things that people have who actually work hard. On top of that she thinks everyone owes her sympathy for her situation when others have it mich worse.

[Anonymous]

Both my family and DH’s family are 3 kids. In both cases the youngest is the favorite and it’s never been a secret.

I would not bother to mention this to my parents. They are who they are.

Something l cannot forget is when we were kids, like 8, 9 and 10, my dad said to me that Kid #3 was the best (hard working and obedient), kid #2 was the worst (something like lazy and useless) and kid #1 was ok. I’m kid 1. My dad really did a number on kid 2. Now kid 2 is an amazing parent to 3 teenagers, despite my dad.

My dad has a horrible temper. I wouldn’t dream of raising it now years later, there’s no point.

At least in DHs family they weren’t abusive about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I have a sister who badmouths me to my aunt so that she can inherit a valuable house. Not much better - I’ve endured decades of bullying from her. Her reason is that I was the favorite child of one of our parents - then again she was the favorite child of the other parent. While it’s wrong, it does even out. She’s deeply disturbed IMO and would benefit from therapy.

Yes! The bullies who are after jewelry, etc. are the worst and the most obvious. So gross.

Jewelry, I don’t care much. She has a low paying job, and feels entitled to the same assets/things that people have who actually work hard. On top of that she thinks everyone owes her sympathy for her situation when others have it mich worse.

+1

I feel like this is common, because those family members are notorious for never being happy (ie: they tend to think if they just had this or that, then a different this or that, then a different one.....then they will be happy, but the happiness never comes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is the favorite of both of my parents, but I recognize that I was a very difficult child/teen. I excelled in school, was involved in clubs and sports, had lots of friends, but also suffered from anxiety (no one used that phrase in the 1970’s/80’s - my family just called me “uptight,” ha!), so in the safety of my home/around my parents and sister I had a short fuse and would get upset very quickly. In hindsight, I am sure I made home life difficult for my parents and sister, and my sister on the other hand was very easy going.

Favorites are not always the result of one child being difficult. Nor should it be held against that now grown adult.

Sometimes there are bullies in the families who want to create and perpetuate a false narrative - you know, the histrionic sibling who tells the stories where they are unfailingly the hero. Or the fabricated stories about who did what, when, decades ago (while carefully omitting important and accurate facts).

The sibling who was accepted to a better school, or got a better job (or any random reason) and the other sibling/s having a chip on their shoulder about that - which sometimes never goes away. The sibling that helps others, yet no good deed goes unpunished situations can be difficult, because nothing is ever (ever) good enough for certain people.

There are siblings that literally exclude other siblings, out of greed. Heck, I have seen some petty siblings take photos at holidays, etc. and leave a sibling who was present out of the photo (and feign ignorance). Bullying can be subtle or not, and carry over from early years, as the bully refuses to grow up, and remains socially stunted.

It can sometimes be better to let the favorited sibling get their just desserts, and sit back and watch what happens.

It’s sad to watch how favorites (many times narcissists) replicate the dynamic in their own families. I always thought once they had a second child that SIL/BIL would put limits on their first child but she just calls all the shots - other kid be damned. And no friends. No one wants to be friends with a child whose only language is relational aggression. You reap what you sow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of seven children and I think that my mother does have a favorite but not obnoxiously so. One brother had a birth disability that required numerous surgeries so she was always very involved with him. He’s done so well in so many areas that it is inspirational so he may be everyone’s favorite.

this is so cute!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have favoritism in your family? Are you the favorite (or not)? Why (why not)?

What are some acts of favoritism you have seen in your family?

What would you say to your parent/s, if you could (about this topic)?

Hi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I have a sister who badmouths me to my aunt so that she can inherit a valuable house. Not much better - I’ve endured decades of bullying from her. Her reason is that I was the favorite child of one of our parents - then again she was the favorite child of the other parent. While it’s wrong, it does even out. She’s deeply disturbed IMO and would benefit from therapy.

Yes! The bullies who are after jewelry, etc. are the worst and the most obvious. So gross.

Jewelry, I don’t care much. She has a low paying job, and feels entitled to the same assets/things that people have who actually work hard. On top of that she thinks everyone owes her sympathy for her situation when others have it mich worse.

That too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is the favorite of both of my parents, but I recognize that I was a very difficult child/teen. I excelled in school, was involved in clubs and sports, had lots of friends, but also suffered from anxiety (no one used that phrase in the 1970’s/80’s - my family just called me “uptight,” ha!), so in the safety of my home/around my parents and sister I had a short fuse and would get upset very quickly. In hindsight, I am sure I made home life difficult for my parents and sister, and my sister on the other hand was very easy going.

Favorites are not always the result of one child being difficult. Nor should it be held against that now grown adult.

Sometimes there are bullies in the families who want to create and perpetuate a false narrative - you know, the histrionic sibling who tells the stories where they are unfailingly the hero. Or the fabricated stories about who did what, when, decades ago (while carefully omitting important and accurate facts).

The sibling who was accepted to a better school, or got a better job (or any random reason) and the other sibling/s having a chip on their shoulder about that - which sometimes never goes away. The sibling that helps others, yet no good deed goes unpunished situations can be difficult, because nothing is ever (ever) good enough for certain people.

There are siblings that literally exclude other siblings, out of greed. Heck, I have seen some petty siblings take photos at holidays, etc. and leave a sibling who was present out of the photo (and feign ignorance). Bullying can be subtle or not, and carry over from early years, as the bully refuses to grow up, and remains socially stunted.

It can sometimes be better to let the favorited sibling get their just desserts, and sit back and watch what happens.

It’s sad to watch how favorites (many times narcissists) replicate the dynamic in their own families. I always thought once they had a second child that SIL/BIL would put limits on their first child but she just calls all the shots - other kid be damned. And no friends. No one wants to be friends with a child whose only language is relational aggression. You reap what you sow.

Damn! You nailed it - nicely done! +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is the favorite of both of my parents, but I recognize that I was a very difficult child/teen. I excelled in school, was involved in clubs and sports, had lots of friends, but also suffered from anxiety (no one used that phrase in the 1970’s/80’s - my family just called me “uptight,” ha!), so in the safety of my home/around my parents and sister I had a short fuse and would get upset very quickly. In hindsight, I am sure I made home life difficult for my parents and sister, and my sister on the other hand was very easy going.

Favorites are not always the result of one child being difficult. Nor should it be held against that now grown adult.

Sometimes there are bullies in the families who want to create and perpetuate a false narrative - you know, the histrionic sibling who tells the stories where they are unfailingly the hero. Or the fabricated stories about who did what, when, decades ago (while carefully omitting important and accurate facts).

The sibling who was accepted to a better school, or got a better job (or any random reason) and the other sibling/s having a chip on their shoulder about that - which sometimes never goes away. The sibling that helps others, yet no good deed goes unpunished situations can be difficult, because nothing is ever (ever) good enough for certain people.

There are siblings that literally exclude other siblings, out of greed. Heck, I have seen some petty siblings take photos at holidays, etc. and leave a sibling who was present out of the photo (and feign ignorance). Bullying can be subtle or not, and carry over from early years, as the bully refuses to grow up, and remains socially stunted.

It can sometimes be better to let the favorited sibling get their just desserts, and sit back and watch what happens.

Yep!

It’s sad to watch how favorites (many times narcissists) replicate the dynamic in their own families. I always thought once they had a second child that SIL/BIL would put limits on their first child but she just calls all the shots - other kid be damned. And no friends. No one wants to be friends with a child whose only language is relational aggression. You reap what you sow.