Favoritism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No favoritism in mine, but I saw it in my husband’s and was pretty shocked since it was such a foreign concept to me growing up.

Do your siblings feel the same?
I have a sibling who makes this claim and she is in fact the favorite.

Yes

[Anonymous]

I think my husband and both of his brothers all believe deep down inside that they were the favorite child. Brava to my MIL!

[Anonymous]

I'm the oldest of 6 and my mother has 2 known favorites. We all know it and are open about it to which she doesn't deny. One favorite is my brother who is more caring and she calls or speaks to daily and the other is my youngest sister who she had always babied.

2 of my sisters are no contact with our mother because of her cursing and putting them down and 1 brother who still lives with her she repeatedly puts down and says he's worthless etc

Me I keep her at arms length and can go months without speaking to her due to our relationship being one-sided with her never recuperating or showing that she cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, there is extreme favoritism. Sometimes it overt and other times more subtle.

As an overt example, I'm the oldest and when I turned 18 my parents stopped buying me Christmas presents. They said they needed to save their resources for "the kids." I'd come home from college and spend Christmas morning watching my teenage siblings open laptops, dSLRs and iPhones while I got nothing (despite having used my minimum wage job to purchase presents for everyone else). I learned a few years later that this "rule" only applied to me and my siblings continued to get extravagant Christmases for years after turning 18, while I'd still get nothing or a token pair of socks. It was hurtful and humiliating. If you ask my mom, who purchases the presents, it's because I'm so self sufficient that I don't need presents, I can just work and buy things for myself.

There are a million more examples, but that's one that's easy to tell.

Wow, I am so sorry. That is so hateful. I can't imagine being able to do that to a child of mine. What horrible people. How is your relationship now?

[Anonymous]

I’ve always thought my brother was my mom’s favorite. He has always thought that I was her favorite. She insists she doesn’t have a favorite.

So, who knows?

[Anonymous]

My sister is the favorite of both of my parents, but I recognize that I was a very difficult child/teen. I excelled in school, was involved in clubs and sports, had lots of friends, but also suffered from anxiety (no one used that phrase in the 1970’s/80’s - my family just called me “uptight,” ha!), so in the safety of my home/around my parents and sister I had a short fuse and would get upset very quickly. In hindsight, I am sure I made home life difficult for my parents and sister, and my sister on the other hand was very easy going.

[Anonymous]

I think my dog is my mom's favorite (fur real).

[Anonymous]

Y’all need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Boy howdy, wait til the Olds begin to lose their cognitive faculties and their filter and you will find out who the favorite is. If you have ever witnessed your brother and his wife receiving a check for 100k for Christmas while you receive a literal cardboard box full of expired canned goods from the pantry then maybe you understand. But yeah it’s probably my fault for being too sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, there is extreme favoritism. Sometimes it overt and other times more subtle.

As an overt example, I'm the oldest and when I turned 18 my parents stopped buying me Christmas presents. They said they needed to save their resources for "the kids." I'd come home from college and spend Christmas morning watching my teenage siblings open laptops, dSLRs and iPhones while I got nothing (despite having used my minimum wage job to purchase presents for everyone else). I learned a few years later that this "rule" only applied to me and my siblings continued to get extravagant Christmases for years after turning 18, while I'd still get nothing or a token pair of socks. It was hurtful and humiliating. If you ask my mom, who purchases the presents, it's because I'm so self sufficient that I don't need presents, I can just work and buy things for myself.

There are a million more examples, but that's one that's easy to tell.

Wow, I am so sorry. That is so hateful. I can't imagine being able to do that to a child of mine. What horrible people. How is your relationship now?

I stopped speaking to them for a few years in my 20s and then spent about 15 years trying to be the perfect child to get them to love me. I thought if I wasn't an angsty teenager any more we could build an adult relationship. About a year ago we had a family event, the first in a while, and they were awful to me. As soon as my siblings were there, I was undeserving of any love or respect. I have barely spoken to them since that event. It still hurts like crazy--I want parents who love me and grandkids for my kids--but I just can't take it. Sometimes they are great, but then they show how they really feel about me. It's always a punch in the gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is the favorite of both of my parents, but I recognize that I was a very difficult child/teen. I excelled in school, was involved in clubs and sports, had lots of friends, but also suffered from anxiety (no one used that phrase in the 1970’s/80’s - my family just called me “uptight,” ha!), so in the safety of my home/around my parents and sister I had a short fuse and would get upset very quickly. In hindsight, I am sure I made home life difficult for my parents and sister, and my sister on the other hand was very easy going.

Favorites are not always the result of one child being difficult. Nor should it be held against that now grown adult.

Sometimes there are bullies in the families who want to create and perpetuate a false narrative - you know, the histrionic sibling who tells the stories where they are unfailingly the hero. Or the fabricated stories about who did what, when, decades ago (while carefully omitting important and accurate facts).

The sibling who was accepted to a better school, or got a better job (or any random reason) and the other sibling/s having a chip on their shoulder about that - which sometimes never goes away. The sibling that helps others, yet no good deed goes unpunished situations can be difficult, because nothing is ever (ever) good enough for certain people.

There are siblings that literally exclude other siblings, out of greed. Heck, I have seen some petty siblings take photos at holidays, etc. and leave a sibling who was present out of the photo (and feign ignorance). Bullying can be subtle or not, and carry over from early years, as the bully refuses to grow up, and remains socially stunted.

It can sometimes be better to let the favorited sibling get their just desserts, and sit back and watch what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, there is extreme favoritism. Sometimes it overt and other times more subtle.

As an overt example, I'm the oldest and when I turned 18 my parents stopped buying me Christmas presents. They said they needed to save their resources for "the kids." I'd come home from college and spend Christmas morning watching my teenage siblings open laptops, dSLRs and iPhones while I got nothing (despite having used my minimum wage job to purchase presents for everyone else). I learned a few years later that this "rule" only applied to me and my siblings continued to get extravagant Christmases for years after turning 18, while I'd still get nothing or a token pair of socks. It was hurtful and humiliating. If you ask my mom, who purchases the presents, it's because I'm so self sufficient that I don't need presents, I can just work and buy things for myself.

There are a million more examples, but that's one that's easy to tell.

Wow, I am so sorry. That is so hateful. I can't imagine being able to do that to a child of mine. What horrible people. How is your relationship now?

I stopped speaking to them for a few years in my 20s and then spent about 15 years trying to be the perfect child to get them to love me. I thought if I wasn't an angsty teenager any more we could build an adult relationship. About a year ago we had a family event, the first in a while, and they were awful to me. As soon as my siblings were there, I was undeserving of any love or respect. I have barely spoken to them since that event. It still hurts like crazy--I want parents who love me and grandkids for my kids--but I just can't take it. Sometimes they are great, but then they show how they really feel about me. It's always a punch in the gut.

DP here. I am also so sorry to hear - that is not a family - those are wolves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boy howdy, wait til the Olds begin to lose their cognitive faculties and their filter and you will find out who the favorite is. If you have ever witnessed your brother and his wife receiving a check for 100k for Christmas while you receive a literal cardboard box full of expired canned goods from the pantry then maybe you understand. But yeah it’s probably my fault for being too sensitive.

Oh no! Is this a PP? That is horrible. What horrible people. Interesting to me that the favorited actually try to defend this type of behavior, in any realm. I think this really comes into play when the estate (no matter how big or small!) is being divided. If the olds want that to be their legacy in this world, so be it. Great way to divide the family and let your true colors be known, well after you are gone, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is the favorite of both of my parents, but I recognize that I was a very difficult child/teen. I excelled in school, was involved in clubs and sports, had lots of friends, but also suffered from anxiety (no one used that phrase in the 1970’s/80’s - my family just called me “uptight,” ha!), so in the safety of my home/around my parents and sister I had a short fuse and would get upset very quickly. In hindsight, I am sure I made home life difficult for my parents and sister, and my sister on the other hand was very easy going.

Favorites are not always the result of one child being difficult. Nor should it be held against that now grown adult.

Sometimes there are bullies in the families who want to create and perpetuate a false narrative - you know, the histrionic sibling who tells the stories where they are unfailingly the hero. Or the fabricated stories about who did what, when, decades ago (while carefully omitting important and accurate facts).

The sibling who was accepted to a better school, or got a better job (or any random reason) and the other sibling/s having a chip on their shoulder about that - which sometimes never goes away. The sibling that helps others, yet no good deed goes unpunished situations can be difficult, because nothing is ever (ever) good enough for certain people.

There are siblings that literally exclude other siblings, out of greed. Heck, I have seen some petty siblings take photos at holidays, etc. and leave a sibling who was present out of the photo (and feign ignorance). Bullying can be subtle or not, and carry over from early years, as the bully refuses to grow up, and remains socially stunted.

It can sometimes be better to let the favorited sibling get their just desserts, and sit back and watch what happens.

Parents can set ground rules for kids and teach kindness and respect. My own parents had a Lord-of-the-Flies mentality with siblings pitted against siblings for love and resources. I've worked hard to teach my kids that you don't ever treat people like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is the favorite of both of my parents, but I recognize that I was a very difficult child/teen. I excelled in school, was involved in clubs and sports, had lots of friends, but also suffered from anxiety (no one used that phrase in the 1970’s/80’s - my family just called me “uptight,” ha!), so in the safety of my home/around my parents and sister I had a short fuse and would get upset very quickly. In hindsight, I am sure I made home life difficult for my parents and sister, and my sister on the other hand was very easy going.

Favorites are not always the result of one child being difficult. Nor should it be held against that now grown adult.

Sometimes there are bullies in the families who want to create and perpetuate a false narrative - you know, the histrionic sibling who tells the stories where they are unfailingly the hero. Or the fabricated stories about who did what, when, decades ago (while carefully omitting important and accurate facts).

The sibling who was accepted to a better school, or got a better job (or any random reason) and the other sibling/s having a chip on their shoulder about that - which sometimes never goes away. The sibling that helps others, yet no good deed goes unpunished situations can be difficult, because nothing is ever (ever) good enough for certain people.

There are siblings that literally exclude other siblings, out of greed. Heck, I have seen some petty siblings take photos at holidays, etc. and leave a sibling who was present out of the photo (and feign ignorance). Bullying can be subtle or not, and carry over from early years, as the bully refuses to grow up, and remains socially stunted.

It can sometimes be better to let the favorited sibling get their just desserts, and sit back and watch what happens.

Parents can set ground rules for kids and teach kindness and respect. My own parents had a Lord-of-the-Flies mentality with siblings pitted against siblings for love and resources. I've worked hard to teach my kids that you don't ever treat people like that.

+1

PP here. Agree! So true!