Do kids really not get less expensive after the daycare years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The costs are much more wants than needs.

My middle schoolers play club soccer $8,000 club fees, ~ $2,000 tournaments. They go to sleep-away camp for 4 weeks for $16,000. They both have iPhones so I’m paying for their service. They are still growing, but their taste in clothes are adult sized Lululemon, no more janey and jack target. And they are pretty much adults for other costly aspects like no more kid discounts on food, movies, activities, etc. so those costs pretty much doubles.

So basic fixed costs for our middle schoolers are about $28,000 (camp, soccer, iPhones). Might be our last year of soccer as they both want club volleyball which is also $4,000 per kid before travel costs.

Also their caviar and truffle oil really adds up. Not to mention the Birkins.

Hahaha exactly. IRL everyone I know says what a relief it is to the done with the childcare years and how they feel like they’ve won the lotto or gotten a huge promotion.

After the childcare years people will reallocate that money to fit their priorities/income level. But to compare club sports and lululemon clothes to the cost of daycare so you can actually go to your job is just silly.

When our childcare costs ended we had more money to travel, but that doesn’t mean our kids got more expensive because we decided to take nicer trips.

[Anonymous]

Someone mentioned it on page one but tutoring is the major qualifier that makes post-daycare life more expensive.

The average tutor is $25/hr x 3 times a week is $3,600/year. That's for basics like Algebra. Once you get into Chemistry, AP English, or fine instruction for competitions its $50/hr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids go to private school. We have a nanny. The kids have a ton of after-school activities that they love.

Could they go to public school and then just aftercare and zero activities? Sure. I don't necessarily want them to live that lifestyle though.

There’s a whole world of lifestyles out there in between private school with a nanny and nonstop activities and after care + zero activities. My kids go to a great public school and don’t need a nanny because DH and I have the flexibility to take them to their activities after school ourselves. DH coaches their sports and I volunteer through scouts. They also do swim, play dates, outings to the trampoline park, etc. Spending more money to outsource doesn’t necessarily mean a better lifestyle for your kids.

I mean, this is subjective. We also live in an area with “great” public schools. Our kids privates are just 1000000 times better in terms of diversification of learning, opportunities to dig deep, reading books and talking about them, researching, learning about science and history and doing field trips and enrichment activities. They actually make it fun and exciting. We’ve been in MCPS and this didn’t happen. It just did not. It was math worksheets and a dumbed down reading curriculum. And their activities are tennis, with private coaching, art and music and other sports. We picked the best coaches and programs. One of my kids has major special needs that have required tutoring intensively, therapies and a special school. He has cost far far more than daycare each year. So it really all depends and it all really depends on what you can afford. But the idea that some things aren’t better, I mean, if that makes you feel good about it, I guess. I’m sure there’s an argument that smaller classes, better teachers, more involvement is actually better, though. So it’s a silly thing to try to prove.

[Anonymous]

The fixed costs become less expensive unless you are doing private school.

The “extras” can get very expensive for sure. Sports fees (travel teams or things like private lessons can get extremely pricey). Cell phones and computers. Clothing- I have three teens/tweens growing rapidly and it is $$$. Travel expense and other “fun” expenses tends to rise as kids become full price. Food certainly gets far more expensive- tweens and teens usually eat more than adults.

That doesn’t even get into the teen expenses like cars, auto insurance, test prep courses and fees etc.

For most people, the extra expenses + ramping up savings for college end up rivaling daycare costs I would imagine.

But most of those are indeed “extras”. Obviously one could shop for clothes at thrift stores, do rec or school sponsored sports and activities only, no driving for teens, no cell phones or just cheap flip phones, minimal expensive family activites or travel etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lowest cost kids are 14-18 when they age out of camps and can get a job. I have so much more disposable income now! Next year is college, then I'll be back to shelling out a lot of money.

Don’t they need a car to have a job? I’m finding 14-18 the most expensive years between all the activities, tutors, test prep and a car.

+1

I am finding the teen years to be very expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned it on page one but tutoring is the major qualifier that makes post-daycare life more expensive.

The average tutor is $25/hr x 3 times a week is $3,600/year. That's for basics like Algebra. Once you get into Chemistry, AP English, or fine instruction for competitions its $50/hr.

But you don’t necessarily have to have a tutor. Not every kid needs it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids go to private school. We have a nanny. The kids have a ton of after-school activities that they love.

Could they go to public school and then just aftercare and zero activities? Sure. I don't necessarily want them to live that lifestyle though.

There’s a whole world of lifestyles out there in between private school with a nanny and nonstop activities and after care + zero activities. My kids go to a great public school and don’t need a nanny because DH and I have the flexibility to take them to their activities after school ourselves. DH coaches their sports and I volunteer through scouts. They also do swim, play dates, outings to the trampoline park, etc. Spending more money to outsource doesn’t necessarily mean a better lifestyle for your kids.

I mean, this is subjective. We also live in an area with “great” public schools. Our kids privates are just 1000000 times better in terms of diversification of learning, opportunities to dig deep, reading books and talking about them, researching, learning about science and history and doing field trips and enrichment activities. They actually make it fun and exciting. We’ve been in MCPS and this didn’t happen. It just did not. It was math worksheets and a dumbed down reading curriculum. And their activities are tennis, with private coaching, art and music and other sports. We picked the best coaches and programs. One of my kids has major special needs that have required tutoring intensively, therapies and a special school. He has cost far far more than daycare each year. So it really all depends and it all really depends on what you can afford. But the idea that some things aren’t better, I mean, if that makes you feel good about it, I guess. I’m sure there’s an argument that smaller classes, better teachers, more involvement is actually better, though. So it’s a silly thing to try to prove.

I’m not sure what your point is with this follow up. But in your original post you acted as if not having private school and a nanny meant your kids had some inferior “lifestyle” with zero activities. My response was that there are nice lifestyles for kids that don’t involve these expenses.

I went to a top private in a different city for a few years and there are downsides that my family would not choose. I hated that my friends were so spread out/lived far away in traffic. Also, I had a SAHM and thought it was odd how many kids there were basically raised by nannies.

My kids have a really idyllic lifestyle in a close-in walkable neighborhood. Many of their friends are in walking/biking distance of our house so lots of impromptu get togethers with other families. Also, DH and I don’t want a nanny to take our kids to activities. We are the ones coaching/volunteering (well up until the point they’ve joined travel sports), I am the one home with them after school. I know their friends’ parents, not the nanny.

We still have plenty of money leftover to take them on interesting trips, for travel sports, etc. So far they haven’t needed tutoring (they are gifted and do well academically).

It’s nice that you’ve found what works for your family, but it’s absolutely silly to insist that private school and a nanny is some sort of necessary expense for kids to have a nice lifestyle. Sounds like you’re trying really hard to justify the money you are spending as if it’s so superior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned it on page one but tutoring is the major qualifier that makes post-daycare life more expensive.

The average tutor is $25/hr x 3 times a week is $3,600/year. That's for basics like Algebra. Once you get into Chemistry, AP English, or fine instruction for competitions its $50/hr.

But you don’t necessarily have to have a tutor. Not every kid needs it.

+1

I took AP/college level courses in HS without a tutor. Went to a large in state school for the prepaid tuition where I graduated with honors and then ended up at a top tier law school (with scholarship) next to kids from Ivy colleges paying full price tuition.

This idea that kids “need” tutors is totally weird to me. If your child is struggling that much maybe they should take an easier course. I think there are parents here who just want to brag their kids have some tough classes on their schedule without actually considering their child’s aptitude.

Also, my kids are athletic, attractive, and naturally make lots of friends. I’d rather they be well rounded and social than spend multiple afternoons at some tutoring center.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned it on page one but tutoring is the major qualifier that makes post-daycare life more expensive.

The average tutor is $25/hr x 3 times a week is $3,600/year. That's for basics like Algebra. Once you get into Chemistry, AP English, or fine instruction for competitions its $50/hr.

But you don’t necessarily have to have a tutor. Not every kid needs it.

That's true but post-pandemic, and this is for grades 3-12, many more kids do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids go to private school. We have a nanny. The kids have a ton of after-school activities that they love.

Could they go to public school and then just aftercare and zero activities? Sure. I don't necessarily want them to live that lifestyle though.

There’s a whole world of lifestyles out there in between private school with a nanny and nonstop activities and after care + zero activities. My kids go to a great public school and don’t need a nanny because DH and I have the flexibility to take them to their activities after school ourselves. DH coaches their sports and I volunteer through scouts. They also do swim, play dates, outings to the trampoline park, etc. Spending more money to outsource doesn’t necessarily mean a better lifestyle for your kids.

I mean, this is subjective. We also live in an area with “great” public schools. Our kids privates are just 1000000 times better in terms of diversification of learning, opportunities to dig deep, reading books and talking about them, researching, learning about science and history and doing field trips and enrichment activities. They actually make it fun and exciting. We’ve been in MCPS and this didn’t happen. It just did not. It was math worksheets and a dumbed down reading curriculum. And their activities are tennis, with private coaching, art and music and other sports. We picked the best coaches and programs. One of my kids has major special needs that have required tutoring intensively, therapies and a special school. He has cost far far more than daycare each year. So it really all depends and it all really depends on what you can afford. But the idea that some things aren’t better, I mean, if that makes you feel good about it, I guess. I’m sure there’s an argument that smaller classes, better teachers, more involvement is actually better, though. So it’s a silly thing to try to prove.

Not, not necessarily but keep telling yourself that. For sn, yes, smart kids no.

[Anonymous]

It's odd to me that college isn't mentioned much in this thread. Because of the expense of daycare relative to our HHI at the time, we weren't really able to save for college until we were out of the daycare years. We had a few years where we felt pretty flush with cash but that ended when we got serious about saving for college. We've been putting about $2k/month towards college (or college savings) for over a decade now. For us, college has cost an average of $38k per year, for 8 years. It's daycare all over again. Luckily for us, our HHI is a lot higher now, so it pinches less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you read those threads it’s because people have their kids in a million extra activities. Lots of “enrichment” and travel sports.

If you’re just doing SACC during the, day camp in the summer, and 1-2 rec sports a year, you will absolutely save money.

+1. We’ve been saving a bundle since the kids left the daycare years.

Definitely. But predictably, people ran right over to this threads to post all these nice to have high income expenses to justify that the post-daycare years is so expensive! Buying a 10k piano? Imagine only having $600 to spend on groceries/household supplies for a family of 4 per month.

[Anonymous]

Our kids are 6 and 9 and here is our breakdown:

Piano @ $200/month = $4800/year
Soccer @ $400 per season x 2 seasons each = $1600/year
Childcare @ $1200/month = $14,400/year
Summer camps average $400/week x 2 for about 10 weeks = $8000/year

Total: $28,800

Next summer our oldest is doing sleepaway camp for the first time which will add about $2200 on top of the regular summer camp fees. Plus there is another activity we do as a drop-in roughly once every week or two which probably adds another $2k per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone mentioned it on page one but tutoring is the major qualifier that makes post-daycare life more expensive.

The average tutor is $25/hr x 3 times a week is $3,600/year. That's for basics like Algebra. Once you get into Chemistry, AP English, or fine instruction for competitions its $50/hr.

We paid $175-250/hr for excellent AP and ACT exam tutors. A couple of months each at most.

One kid’s writing coach costs $90/hr and the other kid’s violin teacher costs the same. These are more long- term costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are 6 and 9 and here is our breakdown:

Piano @ $200/month = $4800/year
Soccer @ $400 per season x 2 seasons each = $1600/year
Childcare @ $1200/month = $14,400/year
Summer camps average $400/week x 2 for about 10 weeks = $8000/year

Total: $28,800

Next summer our oldest is doing sleepaway camp for the first time which will add about $2200 on top of the regular summer camp fees. Plus there is another activity we do as a drop-in roughly once every week or two which probably adds another $2k per year.

If you’re spending $1200/month on childcare then you’re basically still in the childcare years. Most of us aren’t dropping that much once they start K. Many of us don’t need any childcare except summer and other school breaks.