If you could provide for your kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. There is literally no amount of money that could induce me to marry into that kind of situation or a MIL with that kind of attitude. I do not want a rich do-nothing for a husband! Yes, in some cultures it's normal, but not in my culture.

American culture is a mix, a good percentage of women here are gold diggers.

Being a gold-digger means marrying a wealthy man, but it doesnt mean also marrying his Mommy.

[Anonymous]

Seems like OP and her family ought to move back in with her parents and see how that works out.

[Anonymous]

No. I love my kids and will leave them millions. And I haven't told them that. But they need to fully spread their wings so they know who they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman in real life who is essentially trying to make it so her kids never, ever leave home and it is so sad to watch. Mentally healthy parents want to see their kids differentiate and grow and establish their own lives.

No, sorry! The entirety of human kind has had multigenerational families. This separation is a symptom of a spoiled America, and it’s damaging in so many ways to all involved.

Yes, a healthy parent wants their child to succeed and be self sufficient, but that’s about that.

Unfortunately Americans have this all wrong, and so many of them suffer from mental illness and take a ton of pills. For many it could be avoided by having larger and reliant families.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this was a dumb shower thought that everyone took way too seriously.

OP, next time keep your shower thoughts in the shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman in real life who is essentially trying to make it so her kids never, ever leave home and it is so sad to watch. Mentally healthy parents want to see their kids differentiate and grow and establish their own lives.

No, sorry! The entirety of human kind has had multigenerational families. This separation is a symptom of a spoiled America, and it’s damaging in so many ways to all involved.

Yes, a healthy parent wants their child to succeed and be self sufficient, but that’s about that.

Unfortunately Americans have this all wrong, and so many of them suffer from mental illness and take a ton of pills. For many it could be avoided by having larger and reliant families.

There is a lot of unhappiness in multigenerational families as well.

IMO the ideal situation is to live independently in your own home but be close enough to family that you can visit ~weekly and help each other when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Unfortunately Americans have this all wrong, and so many of them suffer from mental illness and take a ton of pills. For many it could be avoided by having larger and reliant families.

Its partly true but larger families also can drive you to pills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman in real life who is essentially trying to make it so her kids never, ever leave home and it is so sad to watch. Mentally healthy parents want to see their kids differentiate and grow and establish their own lives.

No, sorry! The entirety of human kind has had multigenerational families. This separation is a symptom of a spoiled America, and it’s damaging in so many ways to all involved.

Yes, a healthy parent wants their child to succeed and be self sufficient, but that’s about that.

Unfortunately Americans have this all wrong, and so many of them suffer from mental illness and take a ton of pills. For many it could be avoided by having larger and reliant families.

There is a lot of unhappiness in multigenerational families as well.

IMO the ideal situation is to live independently in your own home but be close enough to family that you can visit ~weekly and help each other when needed.

Best of both worlds.

[Anonymous]

They will never understand what they want in life and how to achieve it. They will never be self reliant adults.They can never be a partner to anyone. There will be no life structure other than to serve you. Is this why you had kids? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Human beings need to be productive. They spiral when they are not.

Well, there are probably more ways to be productive which doesn't require a path through daycare, preschool, middle school, high school, college, grad school and 40 years of going to a cubicle.

So you are proposing a path thru life where your kid(s) do not get educated? What type of life is that?

I'm not OP nor approving her post, just saying that our standard practices can't be the only way to live.

There are lots of ways to structure families and lives, but OP is proposing a specific way that I find disturbing. She is suggesting that her children remain dependents until she dies, largely because she likes having them around (there is zero discussion as to whether her kids would enjoy this set up or if it makes sense for them). I have zero problem with multi-generational living, life paths that don't involve college or even traditional careers, etc. But I think keeping your children dependent on you into their adulthood, absent serious disabilities or other reasons why they must be dependent, is selfish and gross.

+100 I wouldn't mind sharing my home with my adult children, who are educated, employed, happy in their independent lives, if that was what worked best for all of us. I'd also be happy to live nearby and help with childcare for future grandchildren. I'd hope sharing a home when I'm elderly is an option (my 85 year old mom currently lives with my sister and her family). But this all should be in a context of individual strength and agency and loving relationships, not because your parents have kept you dependent on their money to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God no. When you have lived with teenagers you'll understand.

Humans are not happy without purpose in life. We're not rich enough for them to be full-time philanthropists, so they will need to do something. And I think my kids would be embarrassed to have no profession.

No. Look at the Hiltons/Trumps and then look at the Gates and other rich people whose kids went to school and did stuff.

+1

The smart rich people have their kids still achieving everything they can in life, including in academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman in real life who is essentially trying to make it so her kids never, ever leave home and it is so sad to watch. Mentally healthy parents want to see their kids differentiate and grow and establish their own lives.

No, sorry! The entirety of human kind has had multigenerational families. This separation is a symptom of a spoiled America, and it’s damaging in so many ways to all involved.

Yes, a healthy parent wants their child to succeed and be self sufficient, but that’s about that.

Unfortunately Americans have this all wrong, and so many of them suffer from mental illness and take a ton of pills. For many it could be avoided by having larger and reliant families.

There is a lot of unhappiness in multigenerational families as well.

IMO the ideal situation is to live independently in your own home but be close enough to family that you can visit ~weekly and help each other when needed.

+1000

Much unhappiness in multi-generational cultures. Many kids are too invested in "not disappointing their parents" that they simply know no different than to let their parents control their lives---they let them pick almost everything, and the parents often feel entitled to do this because "now it's finally their turn to do it, since they didn't have the choices growing up as their parents did the same thing for them".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So they never have to go to college or work will you?

My kids are 5 and a few months, and I wouldn’t mind them living with them till I die, why do people want them to move out at a young age?

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Human beings need to be productive. They spiral when they are not.

Well, there are probably more ways to be productive which doesn't require a path through daycare, preschool, middle school, high school, college, grad school and 40 years of going to a cubicle.

So you are proposing a path thru life where your kid(s) do not get educated? What type of life is that?

I'm not OP nor approving her post, just saying that our standard practices can't be the only way to live.

There are lots of ways to structure families and lives, but OP is proposing a specific way that I find disturbing. She is suggesting that her children remain dependents until she dies, largely because she likes having them around (there is zero discussion as to whether her kids would enjoy this set up or if it makes sense for them). I have zero problem with multi-generational living, life paths that don't involve college or even traditional careers, etc. But I think keeping your children dependent on you into their adulthood, absent serious disabilities or other reasons why they must be dependent, is selfish and gross.

+100 I wouldn't mind sharing my home with my adult children, who are educated, employed, happy in their independent lives, if that was what worked best for all of us. I'd also be happy to live nearby and help with childcare for future grandchildren. I'd hope sharing a home when I'm elderly is an option (my 85 year old mom currently lives with my sister and her family). But this all should be in a context of individual strength and agency and loving relationships, not because your parents have kept you dependent on their money to live.

What about what children's spouses and their parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a woman in real life who is essentially trying to make it so her kids never, ever leave home and it is so sad to watch. Mentally healthy parents want to see their kids differentiate and grow and establish their own lives.

No, sorry! The entirety of human kind has had multigenerational families. This separation is a symptom of a spoiled America, and it’s damaging in so many ways to all involved.

Yes, a healthy parent wants their child to succeed and be self sufficient, but that’s about that.

Unfortunately Americans have this all wrong, and so many of them suffer from mental illness and take a ton of pills. For many it could be avoided by having larger and reliant families.

There is a lot of unhappiness in multigenerational families as well.

IMO the ideal situation is to live independently in your own home but be close enough to family that you can visit ~weekly and help each other when needed.

+1000

Much unhappiness in multi-generational cultures. Many kids are too invested in "not disappointing their parents" that they simply know no different than to let their parents control their lives---they let them pick almost everything, and the parents often feel entitled to do this because "now it's finally their turn to do it, since they didn't have the choices growing up as their parents did the same thing for them".

Times have changing there as well.